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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

My husband and I have a 13 month old son and I am pregnant with number two. every day he comes home and plays with my son and more often then not when my husband is home from work or on his days off my little boy only wants his attention and only wants daddy to play with him (he will actually push off me when he walks in the door to go to daddy. he calls everything daddy.

my husband can tell it hurts my feelings quite a bit and comforts me all the time by saying its just a phase or what not. I understand why my son is like that and it makes sense. im here all day and daddy is only hear on weekends and evenings.

the proble is my husband is very short tempered with our son who is only 13 months old. if my son starts crying over being hurt, hungery, being told no- anything really and cries for too long then my husband starts to yell and shout at him "why are you crying?! shut up! stop crying!" really loud and when im here all day i never yell at him, i tell him no a lot but i cant ever recall raising my voice so when my husband does it i can tell that whatever WAS bothering my son has now passed into fear and so he starts screaming and reaching towards me. I dont want my husband to be the bad guy every time. I explained to my husband that yelling does nothing but teach him to be louder and the loudest peron wins, also i told him that it does nothing but scare him and it doesnt teach him anything, that our son doesnt quite understand why you are so angry.

he responds with " you just spoil him when your hear, and i dont think you give him enough credit. i think he understands my tome of voice better than he understands 'no' and i dont want him growing up spoiled" i  tell him he needs to cut it out or hes going to have son that hates him growing up and he will  always be the bad guy and never listen to him. he then responds with "ok i understand, im sorry" but it will hapen again next week. wheres the parenting 101 with husbands-i only see ones for moms but none for dads and how to gets dads to calm down.

always about how to control your temper with a mom, but what about the dads who work all day with wives who stay home all day and are blamed for everything that goes wrong? where are thhe parenting magazines and dr. advice for those situations because thats a common situation....

by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 6:23 PM
Replies (21-28):
ShannieP
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Sometimes I'm surprised how any of you stay married when you seem to expect your spouse to be so perfect...
My husband is the same as the OP. outstanding wonderful man. Takes care of us in everyday (and cooks too, I'm so lucky!) . He just doesn't have a lot of patience with kids especially when they disobey. He understands intellectually but his instinct is just to yell. We went trough similar experiences as the OP. now, if he starts to lose it just have to say his name very quietly and he stops.


Quoting atlmom2:

Any guy like that who verbally abuses you and your child is not worth it. He is using excuses for not changing and will continue.




Quoting budgie1117:

I didn't see anywhere that she said she was upset she was pregnant again or that he's a bad guy. He has this one aspect of parenting that he struggles with.


I must have missed the memo where it says to only procreate with perfect people. :/






Quoting atlmom2:

And you are having another child with him???


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommy091011
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 2:31 PM

again thank you. you said it all. i think they dont read the entire thing or they dont read all of at least my posts and replies to this post so they say things they dont make sense.. like that hes abusive. i did put on here that i saw a counselor who said it was ok and guided me in the right direction. soo he is changing, he didnt give me an excuse not to change after that talk and he did THANK ME! so im confused why people still think hes abusive. and he doesnt yell at me...lol i never said that...

Quoting budgie1117:

That could be true. I'm not saying she should put up with abuse. Getting pregnant isn't always planned or on purpose. Things aren't black and white in abusive relationships. To outsiders, they are, but it's a very complex (and very sad) situation to deal with. From what she wrote, he's a wonderful man for the most part. I'm just trying to point that aspect out. I think we women automatically jump to the conclusion that, if a man is hot tempered or yells at times, it means he must beat his woman and kids bloody. I'm a wonderful mother, but I do yell at times. I have very little patience and one hot Irish temper! I take after my father in that regard. My father was not angered easily, but when he was, Heaven help us all! Did that one aspect of his personality define what kind of parent he was? Absolutely not! He was funny, encouraging, smart, a good provider, CRAZY in love with my mom, played with us, helped with homework, laughed at our stupid jokes. One amazing guy! I hate for people to assume the OP's DH is a complete nightmare to live with, that's all.


Quoting atlmom2:

Any guy like that who verbally abuses you and your child is not worth it. He is using excuses for not changing and will continue.




Quoting budgie1117:

I didn't see anywhere that she said she was upset she was pregnant again or that he's a bad guy. He has this one aspect of parenting that he struggles with.


I must have missed the memo where it says to only procreate with perfect people. :/






Quoting atlmom2:

And you are having another child with him???




atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Aug. 27, 2012 at 3:04 PM
I have been married 28 years. I vowed I hs to never date or stay married to someone abusive.


Quoting ShannieP:

Sometimes I'm surprised how any of you stay married when you seem to expect your spouse to be so perfect...

My husband is the same as the OP. outstanding wonderful man. Takes care of us in everyday (and cooks too, I'm so lucky!) . He just doesn't have a lot of patience with kids especially when they disobey. He understands intellectually but his instinct is just to yell. We went trough similar experiences as the OP. now, if he starts to lose it just have to say his name very quietly and he stops.




Quoting atlmom2:

Any guy like that who verbally abuses you and your child is not worth it. He is using excuses for not changing and will continue.






Quoting budgie1117:

I didn't see anywhere that she said she was upset she was pregnant again or that he's a bad guy. He has this one aspect of parenting that he struggles with.



I must have missed the memo where it says to only procreate with perfect people. :/








Quoting atlmom2:

And you are having another child with him???



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommy091011
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 3:48 PM

my husband is not abusive..... *sighs*

ShannieP
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this
All I'm saying is that it doesn't sound like he is being "abusive", in my opinion. I have been with an abusive man, an emotionally abusive man go belittled me at every turn. This man sounds like a frustrated (and inexperienced) father.

Quoting atlmom2:

I have been married 28 years. I vowed I hs to never date or stay married to someone abusive.




Quoting ShannieP:

Sometimes I'm surprised how any of you stay married when you seem to expect your spouse to be so perfect...


My husband is the same as the OP. outstanding wonderful man. Takes care of us in everyday (and cooks too, I'm so lucky!) . He just doesn't have a lot of patience with kids especially when they disobey. He understands intellectually but his instinct is just to yell. We went trough similar experiences as the OP. now, if he starts to lose it just have to say his name very quietly and he stops.






Quoting atlmom2:

Any guy like that who verbally abuses you and your child is not worth it. He is using excuses for not changing and will continue.








Quoting budgie1117:

I didn't see anywhere that she said she was upset she was pregnant again or that he's a bad guy. He has this one aspect of parenting that he struggles with.




I must have missed the memo where it says to only procreate with perfect people. :/










Quoting atlmom2:

And you are having another child with him???



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
marisab
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 4:05 PM

One i hope u dont say these things when son can hear and two u both need to be on the same page or nothing well work!!!

savingtheworld
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 4:31 PM
I don't see him as abusive..but I have 2 boys an yes when there with me they are pampered..when there with dad.. he don't baby them an yes he yells at them..my kids r scared of there dad..I'm not a threat..I'm not explaining this right..idk men need to understand this is another century then when they were growing up.. dads its ok to hug ur kids!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CoeyG
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 5:49 PM


Quoting mommy091011:

my husband is not abusive..... *sighs*

If a man allows his temper to get control he is abusive, it doesn't have to be physcial.  Emotional/verbal/mental abuse is just as harming, if not more than physical abuse.  By yelling at your child your husband is abusing the child and that should be unaccepable to any mother who loves her child. 

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