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Killian, is usually the happiest baby ever! ALWAYS smiling and watching things. Very smart and loving EXCEPT for when its nap time! As a baby, he slept through the night the first few nights after he was born and then ever since he would wake a couple times a night, give or take, to feed. And for naps during the day, it was a breeze honestly, like clock work. Normal, right? Well he's a year now and he still has the same sleeping patterns at night which is ok... however! Around 6 months or so, when we would try to put him down for naps during the day (started with naps every 2 hours or so and would sleep an hour and now we put him down every few hours or more... usually more and he'll sleep anywhere from 15 mins to 1 hour or sometimes almost 2) he would become literally violent i.e. kicking & screaming, thrusting himself backwards, arching his back, biting, and he will even go as far as pulling his own hair and scratching his face to keep himself awake and crying so hard he gags and throws everything up! And yes we trim his nails but he digs! I really don't know where this behavior comes from but I feel like we're doing something wrong... My husband is more stern about our son's nap time and if he starts rubbing his eyes or yawning then he will put him down as soon as the signs start to avoid Killian getting "over tired" ... although we've tried doing the opposite as well (letting him stay up til he drops.) But our son's loud and violent tantrums happen every time we try to put him down for a nap!

We have tried many alternatives such as letting him stay up but that only makes him very cranky & then nobody is happy...

We tried letting him cry it out and after 2 weeks  I couldn't stand to hear him cry anymore so we stopped... plus it wasn't working so no hard feelings about it...(I've heard that 2 weeks is the limit per attempt of the "cry it out" method and if the baby doesn't get used to it then try again at a later date.) We only made the one attempt.

We sing and rock and make funny faces, we hold him close and cuddle, rub his back, head, chest, dim the lights, etc...

We can be patient and try different things so we're open to solutions or suggestions. I'd rather be trying something new then not doing anything and having our little guy be unhappy when he should be looking forward to his little dreams <3

 

 

 

by on Sep. 28, 2012 at 7:09 PM
Replies (11-20):
SuzieMoore
by Member on Sep. 29, 2012 at 7:22 PM

 

Quoting DarlaHood:

What I would suggest is making a little quiet place, maybe with a bean bag or some comfy blankets and pillows in a corner.  Have a time in the day where we have quiet time and just rest our bodies.  Read to him, have head phones and maybe some tag books or recorded books that he can listen to with the headphones on if he wants to.  Or music.  Anything that he can do while being more quiet and resting.  But make it fun.  Kids love tents and forts.  So you could even put a curtain rod across the corner and make him a litlle place of his own.  Whatever he likes.  Then if he falls asleep, let him rest there.  If he doesn't, let him try again later.  Sometimes kids will just go to a place like that when they're tired if they like it.

Oh - and I forgot to say, keep it near where people are.  They don't like to be totally separated off in another room. 

 

Its very difficult to sit down with him... I shouldve also added that whenever we tried to dim lights and sit with him in a quiet room and read and sing, he will ALWAYS try to get away and crawl somewhere else. He is very active! So much in fact that he wont ever really let us hold him, especially now that hes been mobile. When we sit him down to have little "learning sessions" where we sing abc's and point to colors... simple stuff like that, he will sit for a minute or two and watch and then he gets bored. It's like he understands what we're doing but he wants to play. Now, he's even gotten to a point where he Always is trying to touch things he knows he isnt supposed to and he thinks its a mommy chase baby game... he will grab whatever it is and run and laugh really hard. I dont know how to get him to sit calmly or if thats even possible and I wont force him so any thoughts on that?
SuzieMoore
by Member on Sep. 29, 2012 at 7:43 PM

 

Quoting yperez0209:

Is it really worth the fight? Skip the nap. If he gets really "over tired" take him out for a ride. When my boys get over tired it's real hard to deal with because they don't want to settle down. The car ride usually makes my kids fall asleep. Of course you can't do that all the time.  It sounds like a phase. Eventually his body will get use to not needing the nap, the real problem is the fits he's throwing. 

I will tell you though, my kids nap well into there two's sometimes there even three yrs. old and nap. It depends on the child. But at age one my little ones have always napped. Even in pre k 4 the teachers put the kids down in the afternoon. But with what you have described I would skip it.

Just keep an eye out that he doesn't display the same behavors in other situations. Aside from the nap thing the way he's acting is not ok. When he bites and arches his back, or pulls his hair, I would tell him "no" and hold his hands...not to hurt him but to help him understand that's not ok. If he's doing this when your putting him down to nap it's a matter of time before he's doing it in other situations. Maybe you may not agree with my technique, I'm just trying to give you an example, but definitely seek the advice of his pediatrician on how to stop this now. I'm sure when you explain what  you wrote here to the doctor he also advise you on the whole nap issue.

 

 No, I agree. Its not worth the fight which is why I usually give up because it wears me out if he doesnt start falling asleep after 10 mins or so. My husband, however, is adamant about nap time and knows that he needs naps in order to be healthy and grow strong and he also appreciates the time we get together and time to clean up the house for the next time Killian wakes up. He will rock him to bed and it usually goes a lot faster for him but sometimes it can take up to 20 or 30 minutes. And, whenever he bites or arches his back we always grab his hands and let him know its not ok to do that but it doesnt stop it. AND when I asked my pediatrician what I should do he told me i needed to stop rocking him to sleep and let him fall asleep in his crib on his own as soon as he starts to show signs of being tired... which doesnt work because he will scream if we do that and I dont want him to cry it out ever again...

Also, he throws these fits when he wants something he cant have like the XBOX button that lights up and makes a ding noise when touched or to chew on the remote or touch the keys in the laptop... he's a HUGE chewer by the way... he puts absolutely everything he finds in his mouth so we are always keeping an eye on him and digging things out of his mouth if he happens to get something in there. And if we take it from him he will flip out.

SuzieMoore
by Member on Sep. 29, 2012 at 7:49 PM

 

Quoting mom2the.rescue:

When you're tense or worried the baby won't sleep...they won't.  If you're relaxed and could use a nap yourself, if you'd love to climb in and sleep with them...there's a good chance they'll feel that and fall asleep.

 Ya, I totally agree, but I've tried this and it worked for about a week and he would fall asleep almost immediatly if I laid with him and when he caught on to the fact that I would get up and let him sleep alone, he stopped falling asleep when i laid next to him. Instead he will crawl all over me... so unless i have him in my arms, he will try to get away, especially if he knows its nap time!

SuzieMoore
by Member on Sep. 29, 2012 at 7:59 PM

 

Quoting LindaClement:

Where is the nap to take place? Can he sleep across your lap on the couch? It may be that the associations with the nap + the place creates a totally overwhelming collection of powerful emotions and fears in your little guy...

In general, recommendations for healthy sleep insist that 'making the sleeping space peaceful and low-key' is vital. People can only fall asleep when they feel safe, and any associations with struggle or danger or fear will impede healthy sleep.

Things like cry-it-out, for example.

 He ALWAYS sleeps in his crib for nap time but if he falls asleep on me or his dad then we will usually let him stay there for a while but then we will put him in his crib because if we dont he will wake up sooner and not have a long enough nap i.e. wake up crankier than when he fell asleep. As far as danger or overwhelming environments, we have none. We dont have any animals and our room is always clean and peaceful, he sleeps in our room. We dont have any rowdy neighbors and my husband and I dont scream and yell at eachother. We are very mellow people. Pretty much everything we have is to make Killians life better and more fun, seriously, he has more stuff than me and my husband combined! So I dont know what could be bothering him but it really bothers me that I cant seem to figure it out.

yperez0209
by Bronze Member on Sep. 29, 2012 at 8:05 PM

Seems like you have a very smart and strong willed boy on your hands.

First and foremost you and dad need to get on the same page on whether or not to continue the naps or forget about it. Kids can tell when mom and dad are not agreeing on something and boy do they know how to use that to there advantage.

I would be very consistent with letting him know that the behavior is unacceptable. Even if it takes months of telling him the same thing, don't give up. Keep doing what you said.

About crying it out, if the two of you decide to continue trying to get him to nap, you have to let him cry it out. Don't let him see that you feel sorry for him by looking at him like you have done something wrong. That will make him cry more because he knows your feeling sorry. Put him down and walk away. The rocking and sleeping with him is just a band aid, it won't solve anything. He's not dumb, he knows that you're going to try to leave.

My point is you need to decide what your doing and stick to it.

Quoting SuzieMoore:

 

Quoting ypeonrez0209:

Is it really worth the fight? Skip the nap. If he gets really "over tired" take him out for a ride. When my boys get over tired it's real hard to deal with because they don't want to settle down. The car ride usually makes my kids fall asleep. Of course you can't do that all the time.  It sounds like a phase. Eventually his body will get use to not needing the nap, the real problem is the fits he's throwing. 

I will tell you though, my kids nap well into there two's sometimes there even three yrs. old and nap. It depends on the child. But at age one my little ones have always napped. Even in pre k 4 the teachers put the kids down in the afternoon. But with what you have described I would skip it.

Just keep an eye out that he doesn't display the same behavors in other situations. Aside from the nap thing the way he's acting is not ok. When he bites and arches his back, or pulls his hair, I would tell him "no" and hold his hands...not to hurt him but to help him understand that's not ok. If he's doing this when your putting him down to nap it's a matter of time before he's doing it in other situations. Maybe you may not agree with my technique, I'm just trying to give you an example, but definitely seek the advice of his pediatrician on how to stop this now. I'm sure when you explain what  you wrote here to the doctor he also advise you on the whole nap issue.

 

 No, I agree. Its not worth the fight which is why I usually give up because it wears me out if he doesnt start falling asleep after 10 mins or so. My husband, however, is adamant about nap time and knows that he needs naps in order to be healthy and grow strong and he also appreciates the time we get together and time to clean up the house for the next time Killian wakes up. He will rock him to bed and it usually goes a lot faster for him but sometimes it can take up to 20 or 30 minutes. And, whenever he bites or arches his back we always grab his hands and let him know its not ok to do that but it doesnt stop it. AND when I asked my pediatrician what I should do he told me i needed to stop rocking him to sleep and let him fall asleep in his crib on his own as soon as he starts to show signs of being tired... which doesnt work because he will scream if we do that and I dont want him to cry it out ever again...

Also, he throws these fits when he wants something he cant have like the XBOX button that lights up and makes a ding noise when touched or to chew on the remote or touch the keys in the laptop... he's a HUGE chewer by the way... he puts absolutely everything he finds in his mouth so we are always keeping an eye on him and digging things out of his mouth if he happens to get something in there. And if we take it from him he will flip out.


LindaClement
by Linda on Sep. 29, 2012 at 8:18 PM

The overwhelming environment could just be crying alone in the space for 2 weeks.

The fact that you understand that the place is safe, because you understand about walls and windows and an absence of tigers and snakes doesn't transport that knowledge into a small child's head. They only have instincts.

CIO can do a lot of things --teaching kids that their beds are not happy, calm places is among them.

Quoting SuzieMoore:

 

Quoting LindaClement:

Where is the nap to take place? Can he sleep across your lap on the couch? It may be that the associations with the nap + the place creates a totally overwhelming collection of powerful emotions and fears in your little guy...

In general, recommendations for healthy sleep insist that 'making the sleeping space peaceful and low-key' is vital. People can only fall asleep when they feel safe, and any associations with struggle or danger or fear will impede healthy sleep.

Things like cry-it-out, for example.

 He ALWAYS sleeps in his crib for nap time but if he falls asleep on me or his dad then we will usually let him stay there for a while but then we will put him in his crib because if we dont he will wake up sooner and not have a long enough nap i.e. wake up crankier than when he fell asleep. As far as danger or overwhelming environments, we have none. We dont have any animals and our room is always clean and peaceful, he sleeps in our room. We dont have any rowdy neighbors and my husband and I dont scream and yell at eachother. We are very mellow people. Pretty much everything we have is to make Killians life better and more fun, seriously, he has more stuff than me and my husband combined! So I dont know what could be bothering him but it really bothers me that I cant seem to figure it out.


DarlaHood
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 10:16 PM

I totally understand.  I raised a really active one too!  My older dd was just like you're describing.  My younger one really opposite.  I know it will be a challenge, but I really wouldn't try to dim the lights or even give much attention to him trying to get away or anything.  Just make a little tent like spot that's super comfy and appealing, and encourage quiet time as much as you can.  If he doesn't feel like you're trying to get him to nap, he might just relax and fall asleep.  The other thing I would suggest is to do something really physically active with him before you try to get him to quiet down.  Basically work him out!!  Get him to run, jump, tumble, chase a ball, whatever.  So when he comes in he's physically tired.  And then do something relaxing but don't pay a lot of attention to him. 

I will say that with my older dd, she never needed naps or took naps - even as a toddler.  She went to bed pretty early, and woke up early and was non-stop all day.  I had to work her out and then get her to rest, but sometimes she would not sleep.

Quoting SuzieMoore:

 

Quoting DarlaHood:

What I would suggest is making a little quiet place, maybe with a bean bag or some comfy blankets and pillows in a corner.  Have a time in the day where we have quiet time and just rest our bodies.  Read to him, have head phones and maybe some tag books or recorded books that he can listen to with the headphones on if he wants to.  Or music.  Anything that he can do while being more quiet and resting.  But make it fun.  Kids love tents and forts.  So you could even put a curtain rod across the corner and make him a litlle place of his own.  Whatever he likes.  Then if he falls asleep, let him rest there.  If he doesn't, let him try again later.  Sometimes kids will just go to a place like that when they're tired if they like it.

Oh - and I forgot to say, keep it near where people are.  They don't like to be totally separated off in another room. 


Its very difficult to sit down with him... I shouldve also added that whenever we tried to dim lights and sit with him in a quiet room and read and sing, he will ALWAYS try to get away and crawl somewhere else. He is very active! So much in fact that he wont ever really let us hold him, especially now that hes been mobile. When we sit him down to have little "learning sessions" where we sing abc's and point to colors... simple stuff like that, he will sit for a minute or two and watch and then he gets bored. It's like he understands what we're doing but he wants to play. Now, he's even gotten to a point where he Always is trying to touch things he knows he isnt supposed to and he thinks its a mommy chase baby game... he will grab whatever it is and run and laugh really hard. I dont know how to get him to sit calmly or if thats even possible and I wont force him so any thoughts on that?


SuzieMoore
by Member on Sep. 30, 2012 at 7:38 PM

 

Quoting LindaClement:

The overwhelming environment could just be crying alone in the space for 2 weeks.

The fact that you understand that the place is safe, because you understand about walls and windows and an absence of tigers and snakes doesn't transport that knowledge into a small child's head. They only have instincts.

CIO can do a lot of things --teaching kids that their beds are not happy, calm places is among them.

Quoting SuzieMoore:

 

Quoting LindaClement:

Where is the nap to take place? Can he sleep across your lap on the couch? It may be that the associations with the nap + the place creates a totally overwhelming collection of powerful emotions and fears in your little guy...

In general, recommendations for healthy sleep insist that 'making the sleeping space peaceful and low-key' is vital. People can only fall asleep when they feel safe, and any associations with struggle or danger or fear will impede healthy sleep.

Things like cry-it-out, for example.

 He ALWAYS sleeps in his crib for nap time but if he falls asleep on me or his dad then we will usually let him stay there for a while but then we will put him in his crib because if we dont he will wake up sooner and not have a long enough nap i.e. wake up crankier than when he fell asleep. As far as danger or overwhelming environments, we have none. We dont have any animals and our room is always clean and peaceful, he sleeps in our room. We dont have any rowdy neighbors and my husband and I dont scream and yell at eachother. We are very mellow people. Pretty much everything we have is to make Killians life better and more fun, seriously, he has more stuff than me and my husband combined! So I dont know what could be bothering him but it really bothers me that I cant seem to figure it out.


 Yes, that would make sense if he had started behaving this way after we tried CIO however, it started about 3 months prior. And as I said earlier, he wasn't "crying alone in a space for 2 weeks", thats not how CIO works... the particular method we used was a very gradual one.

LindaClement
by Linda on Sep. 30, 2012 at 11:08 PM

As you yourself said: it didn't work. For whatever problem it was supposed to 'fix' it failed.

Kids object to being alone in a room. They object to feeling left out of the action. They lack the ability to control themselves and their environments, they are often frustrated by their inability to convey their needs effectively...

Quoting SuzieMoore:

 

Quoting LindaClement:

The overwhelming environment could just be crying alone in the space for 2 weeks.

The fact that you understand that the place is safe, because you understand about walls and windows and an absence of tigers and snakes doesn't transport that knowledge into a small child's head. They only have instincts.

CIO can do a lot of things --teaching kids that their beds are not happy, calm places is among them.

Quoting SuzieMoore:

 

Quoting LindaClement:

Where is the nap to take place? Can he sleep across your lap on the couch? It may be that the associations with the nap + the place creates a totally overwhelming collection of powerful emotions and fears in your little guy...

In general, recommendations for healthy sleep insist that 'making the sleeping space peaceful and low-key' is vital. People can only fall asleep when they feel safe, and any associations with struggle or danger or fear will impede healthy sleep.

Things like cry-it-out, for example.

 He ALWAYS sleeps in his crib for nap time but if he falls asleep on me or his dad then we will usually let him stay there for a while but then we will put him in his crib because if we dont he will wake up sooner and not have a long enough nap i.e. wake up crankier than when he fell asleep. As far as danger or overwhelming environments, we have none. We dont have any animals and our room is always clean and peaceful, he sleeps in our room. We dont have any rowdy neighbors and my husband and I dont scream and yell at eachother. We are very mellow people. Pretty much everything we have is to make Killians life better and more fun, seriously, he has more stuff than me and my husband combined! So I dont know what could be bothering him but it really bothers me that I cant seem to figure it out.


 Yes, that would make sense if he had started behaving this way after we tried CIO however, it started about 3 months prior. And as I said earlier, he wasn't "crying alone in a space for 2 weeks", thats not how CIO works... the particular method we used was a very gradual one.


alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Sep. 30, 2012 at 11:56 PM

 why not just stop the naps?? my daughter stopped napping shortly after a year as well..its what worked best!

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