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Am I Wrong? ::Husband texting women from work: NEW UPDATE

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Backstory: Together 8 years, Married 6. 2 kids and were about to start TTC#3.

I decided to check online at our text message history, call it a hunch I had. In the past 6 days, my husband has been secretly texting a women who recently was fired from his place of employment. They have texted 1000 times in 6 days (yes I counted).

I told him about it and he told me it wasn't a secret, nothing is going on. He told me he isn't going to end his friendship with her for me. I am being dramatic. Well I was angry, upset, hurt.... So I posted on facebook (he said dramatic, I showed him dramatic). Well he CALLED her to tell her what I wrote on facebook. "She didn't deserve to be drug into this because you are mad at me." Thats what he told me.

This women has no job...Lost her kids (CPS came and took them). Real winner, yes.

He says that it is no different then me texting my friends. Ok I don't sneak off into another room to text, and my friends are female. He is only off once every 7 days. Instead of spending that time with his children, he has been texting her. One day they texted almost 500 times!!!!! I find this wrong in so many ways.

Please, tell me...Am I wrong to be upset?!

UPDATE #1::::::: We had a nice long talk after the kids went to bed last night. He still says it was nothing. I explained that I don't care if he has female friends but the way he went about it was ALL wrong.
I have no idea if we can/will work it out but, he did text her and say he can't talk to her anymore. I saw she updated on facebook this morning (before I logged onto his account and BLOCKED her) that its sad she can't be friends with him.

He also told me that 500 in one day was a lot. He said that if she texts him again he won't delete it and won't reply. Guess we will wait and see what happens.... Trust is gone though, not sure how you can come back.

UPDATE #2:::::::: This morning he was missing...I had no idea where he was. Phone was turned off. I googled her name, got her address.... And found him at her house.

So for the few who dissed me for being concerned. Are you still on his side?

UPDATE #3:::::::::: The past few days have been exhausting. I am emotionally drained and just very very confused. I have no idea what I am going to do yet. Even though the logical answer would be to leave. I just don't think I can bring myself to do that. As stupid as that might sound right now, I am not making an decisions until I have had time to think it through. Thank you everyone for your replies. I am reading through all of the new ones now.
Also, he still maintains he is innocent. It will take time, trust is lost. The $70 flowers were nice, but def NOT going to make up for what he has done.


by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:36 PM
Replies (11-20):
juniebug11
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:57 PM
I'm so sorry that happened, I'd be breaking that phone into 1,000 pieces. BUt honestly if you feel like he's doing something wrong then it doesnt matter if it was one text or 1,0000 its still wrong. Did he delete the messages ? Have you looked through them? That is insane, no one ever sends that many text.
Btw- your not bringing her into it, she brought herself into it. That's your husband , and she has to know at he's married.
Good luck
Gina_C
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:58 PM
They always do that. He's playing games with you. Tell him one of the other.


Quoting mommyames2:

He told me "I think that you are the one cheating because you are so insecure." So yeah he has def been trying to turn it around.


Quoting Gina_C:

And I hate to be negative or put thoughts in your head, but you know better than any of us. And if it doesn't feel right to you, then it probably isn't. My ex cheated and his fave thing to do was turn it around in me like I'm the crazy insecure one. Don't let him pull that crap



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mommyames2
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:59 PM

I would give anything to read them. He has deleted them all.

Quoting juniebug11:

I'm so sorry that happened, I'd be breaking that phone into 1,000 pieces. BUt honestly if you feel like he's doing something wrong then it doesnt matter if it was one text or 1,0000 its still wrong. Did he delete the messages ? Have you looked through them? That is insane, no one ever sends that many text.
Btw- your not bringing her into it, she brought herself into it. That's your husband , and she has to know at he's married.
Good luck


JATomlinson
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:00 PM

You're not wrong to be upset.  I just found out a cpl weeks ago that my husband (who is divorcing me) has been having a secret 'friendship' with another married woman at work for the last year +.  They don't work in the same department so they don't get to see each other every day, but I saw the e-mails he sent her and some of them sounded like he had feelings for her.  He said they're just friends and he was venting to her, and that it was never physical and that he doesn't have feelings for her, but I think he does even if it wasn't physical, and that's why he concealed it.

Ok, so in my case, he's obviously not going to give her friendship (or whatever) up for me if he's divorcing me, but in your case, if you guys are still planning on being together, then he really does NEED to give her up for you, and you should tell him that.  You're his wife and she isn't, you take care of him and your kids and she doesnt.  I would seek counseling, and tell him you want to go to counseling together for this.

JATomlinson
by Member on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:01 PM

Oh, and I'm praying for you too.  Hang in there!  I know how it feels and how much it hurts to find out even that he's been concealing something like this.

juniebug11
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:02 PM
I do think there is a way to view these on your cellphone bill, you may have to request it. But as long as your name is on the bill.
I know Verizon does it .
mommyames2
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:04 PM

Thank you. I am just debating. It is all so new I have no idea what I want. Work it out or not. He seems to not want to give her up. It hurts.... It is very painful. My heart literally hurts.

Quoting JATomlinson:

Oh, and I'm praying for you too.  Hang in there!  I know how it feels and how much it hurts to find out even that he's been concealing something like this.


Gina_C
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:04 PM
I think just the number of texts is jut as telling as what's in them. I mean she has to be on his mind an awful lot for 500 texts in one day. And you can't tell me he would be ok with you texting another guy like that.
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mommyames2
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Really? I have verizon. I will def be looking into that!

Quoting juniebug11:

I do think there is a way to view these on your cellphone bill, you may have to request it. But as long as your name is on the bill.
I know Verizon does it .


PinkParadox
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 7:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Cheating. No friend comes before a spouse...
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