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Am I Wrong? ::Husband texting women from work: NEW UPDATE

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Backstory: Together 8 years, Married 6. 2 kids and were about to start TTC#3.

I decided to check online at our text message history, call it a hunch I had. In the past 6 days, my husband has been secretly texting a women who recently was fired from his place of employment. They have texted 1000 times in 6 days (yes I counted).

I told him about it and he told me it wasn't a secret, nothing is going on. He told me he isn't going to end his friendship with her for me. I am being dramatic. Well I was angry, upset, hurt.... So I posted on facebook (he said dramatic, I showed him dramatic). Well he CALLED her to tell her what I wrote on facebook. "She didn't deserve to be drug into this because you are mad at me." Thats what he told me.

This women has no job...Lost her kids (CPS came and took them). Real winner, yes.

He says that it is no different then me texting my friends. Ok I don't sneak off into another room to text, and my friends are female. He is only off once every 7 days. Instead of spending that time with his children, he has been texting her. One day they texted almost 500 times!!!!! I find this wrong in so many ways.

Please, tell me...Am I wrong to be upset?!

UPDATE #1::::::: We had a nice long talk after the kids went to bed last night. He still says it was nothing. I explained that I don't care if he has female friends but the way he went about it was ALL wrong.
I have no idea if we can/will work it out but, he did text her and say he can't talk to her anymore. I saw she updated on facebook this morning (before I logged onto his account and BLOCKED her) that its sad she can't be friends with him.

He also told me that 500 in one day was a lot. He said that if she texts him again he won't delete it and won't reply. Guess we will wait and see what happens.... Trust is gone though, not sure how you can come back.

UPDATE #2:::::::: This morning he was missing...I had no idea where he was. Phone was turned off. I googled her name, got her address.... And found him at her house.

So for the few who dissed me for being concerned. Are you still on his side?

UPDATE #3:::::::::: The past few days have been exhausting. I am emotionally drained and just very very confused. I have no idea what I am going to do yet. Even though the logical answer would be to leave. I just don't think I can bring myself to do that. As stupid as that might sound right now, I am not making an decisions until I have had time to think it through. Thank you everyone for your replies. I am reading through all of the new ones now.
Also, he still maintains he is innocent. It will take time, trust is lost. The $70 flowers were nice, but def NOT going to make up for what he has done.


by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:36 PM
Replies (211-220):
mommyames2
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:55 AM

He still swears it was just a friendship and nothing happened.

Quoting Tiana300:

Do what is right for u and ur kids. Did he admit anything happened?


mommyames2
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 9:59 AM

When I saw his car in her driveway, I swear another person took over. I didn't knock or peek... I walked right in. They were sitting in the living room (him on the couch and her on the chair). I did some things I am not proud of and honestly don't even remember what all I said/yelled.

Quoting AdoptingMommy:

my question: What did you do when you found him there? Did you knock, peek ect? No way it can be fixed in my book, İf my husband turns phone off İ find him at another persons its done! He isnt that stupid he knows İd go STRAİGHT LORENA BOBBETT ! But dont except being treated that way, You have to set an example for your children and show them No One should be treated that way!


marscella
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:39 AM
First of all I want to say I'm sorry for u and ur kids :/ to have this kind of hurt brought upon u is pure hell and torture I'm sure. Myself or no one on this forum can tell u what to do. U need to figure that out for yourself. You know u better than anyone, including your husband. a lot of women say they'd leave and never look back, kick him to the curb, etc and some women MAY actually do that. BUT the othe half won't. U never truly know how you will feel or react until it is happening to u~

That being said, my BFF started dating her husband when she was a sophomore in highschool, they had their first child when we were seniors. They are married and have been married since Right after high school. We are 34 now. That's a LONG time to be with someone. Sure they've hit rocky patches in their marriage but who hasn't? They have always worked threw things am there was never any cheating going on until a few months ago. She was on a school trip with her girls and came home to find out her husband kissed a TWENTY ONE yr old an was " head over heels " for her. He of course was devastated to say the least and she threw him out. She was the one always saying I'd be done in a heartbeat and never look back if he ever cheated... It was wells of outsell and torture and countless nights of consoling her children and that's what tore her up the most was holding her 16 yr old who idolized her father, while she sobbed uncontrollably for weeks on end. Not only was my friend trying to handle her soul being crushed, but tryin to help her kids thru this too.

Everyone pretty much knew this 21 yr old skank, an I can call her that bcuz that's what she is~ if u have $ and a motorcycle, that's all she cared about. Well, he didn't have a motorcycle... We knew this wouldn't last~ but he thought it would. A few women even contacted this girl bcuz they were friends with her and told her we all knew she didn't want to commit to him, she was tearing these kids apart and this family apart and that she'd be stone with him in a few weeks. They even said his oldest dd was only 5 yrs younger than her and that his children were suffering greatly... Her reply... That's not my problem. I have him now. I don't really care about his wife or his kids. She made it perfectly clear she wasn't the step mother type nor would she ever be.

Well, low and behold after a whirlwind affair, she left him high an dry for another man with a wife and kids but this man had $ and a motorcylce... Reall mature 21 yr old huh?

Well he was devastated she left him and seen how she really was. He starte talking to his wife again and the kids... Needless to say she loves him. They have a huge history together ~ she allowed him to come back home.

He has been home for about 3 months now. At first she was happy... Her life was falling back into place with the man she loved... WRONG. She so desperately wanted things to work but sadly, she's realizing they aren't working nor will they ever. Their oldest child won't even look at him, hates him now, my friend wants to talk things out, maybe go to counseling... NOPE he doesn't want to talk about it at all he thinks he if he doesn't talk about it it'll go away ~

This isn't going away. It's getting worse but She needed to have him home to only realize This won't work anymore ~ sadly it's over.

U need to do what u think is best for u and ur kids. No one can tell u otherwise~ I never once gave her hell for taking him back~ it was her choice I supported her all the way.

It will take a long time to piece things back together of that's what u choose to do. No one should blame u or put u down for doing what u think is best.

Good luck to u~ either way, u and ur family have a long road ahead of you...

That bein said
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amckechnie
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:43 AM

I would not leave...I would make him leave........why put yourself through that...even if it temporary.

Sorry to hear you going through this, if you decide to stay together you should go to counselling together and work on your relationship.....y ex had a realtionship with a so called "friend" who he used to call outside of the home and it was supposedly was innocent........not sure if I buy that.....

mommyames2
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:45 AM

Thank you very much for this reply. I really appreciate hearing people who are not bashing and calling me names (mature huh) for trying to decide what is best. So many people who say they would leave him, kick him out and such, have not been in my shoes. It is a LOT harder then one would think. I know we have a long hard road ahead. Again, thank you.

Quoting marscella:

First of all I want to say I'm sorry for u and ur kids :/ to have this kind of hurt brought upon u is pure hell and torture I'm sure. Myself or no one on this forum can tell u what to do. U need to figure that out for yourself. You know u better than anyone, including your husband. a lot of women say they'd leave and never look back, kick him to the curb, etc and some women MAY actually do that. BUT the othe half won't. U never truly know how you will feel or react until it is happening to u~

That being said, my BFF started dating her husband when she was a sophomore in highschool, they had their first child when we were seniors. They are married and have been married since Right after high school. We are 34 now. That's a LONG time to be with someone. Sure they've hit rocky patches in their marriage but who hasn't? They have always worked threw things am there was never any cheating going on until a few months ago. She was on a school trip with her girls and came home to find out her husband kissed a TWENTY ONE yr old an was " head over heels " for her. He of course was devastated to say the least and she threw him out. She was the one always saying I'd be done in a heartbeat and never look back if he ever cheated... It was wells of outsell and torture and countless nights of consoling her children and that's what tore her up the most was holding her 16 yr old who idolized her father, while she sobbed uncontrollably for weeks on end. Not only was my friend trying to handle her soul being crushed, but tryin to help her kids thru this too.

Everyone pretty much knew this 21 yr old skank, an I can call her that bcuz that's what she is~ if u have $ and a motorcycle, that's all she cared about. Well, he didn't have a motorcycle... We knew this wouldn't last~ but he thought it would. A few women even contacted this girl bcuz they were friends with her and told her we all knew she didn't want to commit to him, she was tearing these kids apart and this family apart and that she'd be stone with him in a few weeks. They even said his oldest dd was only 5 yrs younger than her and that his children were suffering greatly... Her reply... That's not my problem. I have him now. I don't really care about his wife or his kids. She made it perfectly clear she wasn't the step mother type nor would she ever be.

Well, low and behold after a whirlwind affair, she left him high an dry for another man with a wife and kids but this man had $ and a motorcylce... Reall mature 21 yr old huh?

Well he was devastated she left him and seen how she really was. He starte talking to his wife again and the kids... Needless to say she loves him. They have a huge history together ~ she allowed him to come back home.

He has been home for about 3 months now. At first she was happy... Her life was falling back into place with the man she loved... WRONG. She so desperately wanted things to work but sadly, she's realizing they aren't working nor will they ever. Their oldest child won't even look at him, hates him now, my friend wants to talk things out, maybe go to counseling... NOPE he doesn't want to talk about it at all he thinks he if he doesn't talk about it it'll go away ~

This isn't going away. It's getting worse but She needed to have him home to only realize This won't work anymore ~ sadly it's over.

U need to do what u think is best for u and ur kids. No one can tell u otherwise~ I never once gave her hell for taking him back~ it was her choice I supported her all the way.

It will take a long time to piece things back together of that's what u choose to do. No one should blame u or put u down for doing what u think is best.

Good luck to u~ either way, u and ur family have a long road ahead of you...

That bein said


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Think about it but know you may just be giving him his cake and he is eating it too elsewhere. His lying and not coming clean shows that. It is what you can put up with.
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MarShy740
by Silver Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:49 AM
Yes he cheated I'm sorry to say no way is he innocent. I would leave but that's my opinion.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
3greatkids751
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:51 AM
$70 flowers?!? Holy shit what an ass kisser. *smdh*
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ARMYWife624
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this
I had the same issue in January. Except i saw him sending a naked pic of himself to a coworker. He claimed it wasn't his body but c'mon, i know what his body looks like, i do sleep with it. It took a while to regain trust but eventually i did. He is still friends with her. :-/ i met her for the first time this past thursday. Shes pretty, i can see why he was talking to her BUT i think i intimidated her because 10 mins later, she rushed out of work with tears in her eyes. Idk what that wad about but i feel like that means whatever they had is done.

Love isn't enough to keep your marriage going. Trust is a key factor and if u can't have trust, you will question everything. I believe in working through things so maybe u should take time away from him and let him decide what he really needs in his life. I did that with my man and now i feel no need to check emails, texts or anything.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommyames2
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:56 AM

Just because we still live under the same roof doesn't mean that we are TOGETHER. Everyone assumes that we are going on with life as normal, as nothing happened. He works 12 hour shifts 7 days then off 1 day (the one day hes off he sleeps). So he is never home. I never even see him. Its more like a roommate situation. The kids need to see him.

And yes I know that he is at work because his checks are very large when he works overtime. I would know because he wouldn't be making as much money,

Quoting atlmom2:

Think about it but know you may just be giving him his cake and he is eating it too elsewhere. His lying and not coming clean shows that. It is what you can put up with.


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