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Am I Wrong? ::Husband texting women from work: NEW UPDATE

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Backstory: Together 8 years, Married 6. 2 kids and were about to start TTC#3.

I decided to check online at our text message history, call it a hunch I had. In the past 6 days, my husband has been secretly texting a women who recently was fired from his place of employment. They have texted 1000 times in 6 days (yes I counted).

I told him about it and he told me it wasn't a secret, nothing is going on. He told me he isn't going to end his friendship with her for me. I am being dramatic. Well I was angry, upset, hurt.... So I posted on facebook (he said dramatic, I showed him dramatic). Well he CALLED her to tell her what I wrote on facebook. "She didn't deserve to be drug into this because you are mad at me." Thats what he told me.

This women has no job...Lost her kids (CPS came and took them). Real winner, yes.

He says that it is no different then me texting my friends. Ok I don't sneak off into another room to text, and my friends are female. He is only off once every 7 days. Instead of spending that time with his children, he has been texting her. One day they texted almost 500 times!!!!! I find this wrong in so many ways.

Please, tell me...Am I wrong to be upset?!

UPDATE #1::::::: We had a nice long talk after the kids went to bed last night. He still says it was nothing. I explained that I don't care if he has female friends but the way he went about it was ALL wrong.
I have no idea if we can/will work it out but, he did text her and say he can't talk to her anymore. I saw she updated on facebook this morning (before I logged onto his account and BLOCKED her) that its sad she can't be friends with him.

He also told me that 500 in one day was a lot. He said that if she texts him again he won't delete it and won't reply. Guess we will wait and see what happens.... Trust is gone though, not sure how you can come back.

UPDATE #2:::::::: This morning he was missing...I had no idea where he was. Phone was turned off. I googled her name, got her address.... And found him at her house.

So for the few who dissed me for being concerned. Are you still on his side?

UPDATE #3:::::::::: The past few days have been exhausting. I am emotionally drained and just very very confused. I have no idea what I am going to do yet. Even though the logical answer would be to leave. I just don't think I can bring myself to do that. As stupid as that might sound right now, I am not making an decisions until I have had time to think it through. Thank you everyone for your replies. I am reading through all of the new ones now.
Also, he still maintains he is innocent. It will take time, trust is lost. The $70 flowers were nice, but def NOT going to make up for what he has done.


by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:36 PM
Replies (221-230):
chendren1
by Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:56 AM
You caught him at her house. I am very sorry that has to be hard. I know you said you dont know about leaving yet but maybe a break will actually do good for you. Get out of the place that reminds you of him. Just makes it harder.
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prieta05
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 10:59 AM
I will break those flowers and tell him to shove it up his ass!! Flowers cant buy trust anymore. I think he was doig real well until he fuck it up going to her house.
Outta every place why did he go to her house and had to turn his phone off???? Amnot tryna hurt your feeling but maybe there is something going on.
My best advice is please cry everything u need too and let it all out, take a hot bath and try to start something with u and your kids. Its not easy i know but please do not lower yourself going back to him and because you have kids or depend on him. At times it gets hard but think if you wanna be in relationship feeling unsecure all the time after finding already the truth.
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LittleBirdFly
by Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

wow before I even read the update I could tell you that he cares about her a lot. He seems to care more about her and her feelings that yours. And the updates only prooven my point. Sorry you had to go thru this.

cortneymae12
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:13 PM
Quoting La_Vie_en_R0se:




Well if u would've read my original post I said 500 is a bit much but if you don't trust your husband to talk to other women thats on you
marscella
by Bronze Member on Oct. 7, 2012 at 6:36 PM
You r quite welcome ;) however I need to apologize on my delivery here~ u see, I'm mobile and this damn smart phone like to change words, add or delete letters and basically make its own sentences sometimes lol even tho I check the words as I'm spelling them out, the damn evil thing changes when I'm onto the next sentence ;)

It's very easy for women to say how they'd react if they've never been there or experienced it. There's so much more to a marriage or long term relationship, u become Intertwined emotionally, financially, mentally....then when u throw children into the mix, it's just not as easy to say okay. I'm done. And walk away forever or even short term sometimes.

I can't say I blame u one damn but how u reacted when u caught him at her house...

U just do what You feel is right for u and ur kids.....


Quoting mommyames2:

Thank you very much for this reply. I really appreciate hearing people who are not bashing and calling me names (mature huh) for trying to decide what is best. So many people who say they would leave him, kick him out and such, have not been in my shoes. It is a LOT harder then one would think. I know we have a long hard road ahead. Again, thank you.


Quoting marscella:

First of all I want to say I'm sorry for u and ur kids :/ to have this kind of hurt brought upon u is pure hell and torture I'm sure. Myself or no one on this forum can tell u what to do. U need to figure that out for yourself. You know u better than anyone, including your husband. a lot of women say they'd leave and never look back, kick him to the curb, etc and some women MAY actually do that. BUT the othe half won't. U never truly know how you will feel or react until it is happening to u~

That being said, my BFF started dating her husband when she was a sophomore in highschool, they had their first child when we were seniors. They are married and have been married since Right after high school. We are 34 now. That's a LONG time to be with someone. Sure they've hit rocky patches in their marriage but who hasn't? They have always worked threw things am there was never any cheating going on until a few months ago. She was on a school trip with her girls and came home to find out her husband kissed a TWENTY ONE yr old an was " head over heels " for her. He of course was devastated to say the least and she threw him out. She was the one always saying I'd be done in a heartbeat and never look back if he ever cheated... It was wells of outsell and torture and countless nights of consoling her children and that's what tore her up the most was holding her 16 yr old who idolized her father, while she sobbed uncontrollably for weeks on end. Not only was my friend trying to handle her soul being crushed, but tryin to help her kids thru this too.

Everyone pretty much knew this 21 yr old skank, an I can call her that bcuz that's what she is~ if u have $ and a motorcycle, that's all she cared about. Well, he didn't have a motorcycle... We knew this wouldn't last~ but he thought it would. A few women even contacted this girl bcuz they were friends with her and told her we all knew she didn't want to commit to him, she was tearing these kids apart and this family apart and that she'd be stone with him in a few weeks. They even said his oldest dd was only 5 yrs younger than her and that his children were suffering greatly... Her reply... That's not my problem. I have him now. I don't really care about his wife or his kids. She made it perfectly clear she wasn't the step mother type nor would she ever be.

Well, low and behold after a whirlwind affair, she left him high an dry for another man with a wife and kids but this man had $ and a motorcylce... Reall mature 21 yr old huh?

Well he was devastated she left him and seen how she really was. He starte talking to his wife again and the kids... Needless to say she loves him. They have a huge history together ~ she allowed him to come back home.

He has been home for about 3 months now. At first she was happy... Her life was falling back into place with the man she loved... WRONG. She so desperately wanted things to work but sadly, she's realizing they aren't working nor will they ever. Their oldest child won't even look at him, hates him now, my friend wants to talk things out, maybe go to counseling... NOPE he doesn't want to talk about it at all he thinks he if he doesn't talk about it it'll go away ~

This isn't going away. It's getting worse but She needed to have him home to only realize This won't work anymore ~ sadly it's over.

U need to do what u think is best for u and ur kids. No one can tell u otherwise~ I never once gave her hell for taking him back~ it was her choice I supported her all the way.

It will take a long time to piece things back together of that's what u choose to do. No one should blame u or put u down for doing what u think is best.

Good luck to u~ either way, u and ur family have a long road ahead of you...

That bein said



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spotsmom
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:52 AM
3 moms liked this

I don't know if you will still check this, and I don't know if anyone else has suggested it, but just in case--At this point, you need to demand that he show you the texts. If he refuses, while still trying to maintain his "innocence," then he is, say it with me...GUILTY. If he is so "innocent," then he should have NOTHING to hide. 

navewife
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:58 AM
Please don't stay with him just because your a sahm...I know u prob can't do a lot now, but I would at least start prepping. Talk to an attney, most consults are free, see if you can live with someone till you get on your feet, start getting a resume together. Check about womens shelters to see if they can help or suggest options. If you feel you want to stay to work it out, please remember it takes BOTH of you to do that, and if he is still denying the obvious, then he isn't ready to change. Just like an alchoholic, first he has to admit the problem. You should also get tested since she is such a "winner" I am so sorry your in this position:( there is another group on here called still love him, also detective wives club, both are really good resources for your situation. My H cheated on me, I'm with him but only becuase of hard work, counseling, and him being VERY transparent with me. He deleted all his old accounts, I have passwords to his new ones, he also VOLUNTARILY downloaded spyware to his own phone, all his calls,txts,emails,pics ect are set up to go to my email and my emails are set to send notifications to my phone. He purged everything to me cuz I told him if I found anything he didn't tell me it would be over. He has changed so much, being a better father and even helping more around the house but...even with all my H's bending over backward to save us and prove to me he wants this to work, I'm still very confused, hurt, and distrustful. Its been 2yrs and I'm still not sure I want to stay. I'm not happy, I'm trying to give it time, but if I still feel this way at the 5 year mark, I'm done. I know my kids will be upset if that happens, but I also know they are loved by both sides and they will be fine. I pray I can find the happiness I once had, but so far its just not there. Damage is done:( this is a very long road to travel. I just ask that if you stay, make sure your choice is for your happiness, not finance or kids. However I do agree you should take some time to look at all the angles and options. Huggs momma, you have my prayers!!

Quoting mommyames2:

I am a stay at home mom with 2 kids. I have no job....So really leaving isn't an option right now. As of right now we are "roommates." I def can't trust him...I don't think that I would be able to anymore. I will always be wondering, and remembering.


Seriously a nightmare.


Quoting EvilQueenMommy:


He has no respect for you. If you can't leave, I'm not sure what else to suggest. I don't think I'd ever be able to trust him again.



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La_Vie_en_R0se
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:15 PM
Quoting cortneymae12:


I never once said I don't trust my husband. He has never in 13 years given me a reason not to, nor i him. We avoid the issue altogether, if something would look fishy, inappropriate, or questionable to either one of us or even to people on the outside, we just don't do it. No one is knocking how you choose to live in your relationship. Buy hell ya I would think something was up I my DH all of a sudden started to act weird and I found out he was texting some girl 500 times per day. Even 20 would be weird for him and so out of character I'd be uncomfortable and talk to him.
BabyBearsMom608
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:24 PM

Pack his stuff for him momma, Im sorry, ((((HUGS)))) He will do it again :( if you need to talk om me.

mommymarquette
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Id say beat him with a bat, and go to that b**** and tell her she better stop or else! and if you dont want to do that then you need to leave, My husband did the same thing and later i found out throgh friends he made out with her, I beat him with a hockey stick and went to her work where they both worked together and told her that she was dead, she quit work and my bf at the time asked me to marry him after i was still up set and was still thinking on leaving but then I found out I was pregnant again! but he did change his ways and is still trying to show me that he is a better family man. I still will never forget and I do question more at times when Im upset but he hasn't done anything like that again. Need to stand up for your self and not take shit from no one.

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