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Am I Wrong? ::Husband texting women from work: NEW UPDATE

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Backstory: Together 8 years, Married 6. 2 kids and were about to start TTC#3.

I decided to check online at our text message history, call it a hunch I had. In the past 6 days, my husband has been secretly texting a women who recently was fired from his place of employment. They have texted 1000 times in 6 days (yes I counted).

I told him about it and he told me it wasn't a secret, nothing is going on. He told me he isn't going to end his friendship with her for me. I am being dramatic. Well I was angry, upset, hurt.... So I posted on facebook (he said dramatic, I showed him dramatic). Well he CALLED her to tell her what I wrote on facebook. "She didn't deserve to be drug into this because you are mad at me." Thats what he told me.

This women has no job...Lost her kids (CPS came and took them). Real winner, yes.

He says that it is no different then me texting my friends. Ok I don't sneak off into another room to text, and my friends are female. He is only off once every 7 days. Instead of spending that time with his children, he has been texting her. One day they texted almost 500 times!!!!! I find this wrong in so many ways.

Please, tell me...Am I wrong to be upset?!

UPDATE #1::::::: We had a nice long talk after the kids went to bed last night. He still says it was nothing. I explained that I don't care if he has female friends but the way he went about it was ALL wrong.
I have no idea if we can/will work it out but, he did text her and say he can't talk to her anymore. I saw she updated on facebook this morning (before I logged onto his account and BLOCKED her) that its sad she can't be friends with him.

He also told me that 500 in one day was a lot. He said that if she texts him again he won't delete it and won't reply. Guess we will wait and see what happens.... Trust is gone though, not sure how you can come back.

UPDATE #2:::::::: This morning he was missing...I had no idea where he was. Phone was turned off. I googled her name, got her address.... And found him at her house.

So for the few who dissed me for being concerned. Are you still on his side?

UPDATE #3:::::::::: The past few days have been exhausting. I am emotionally drained and just very very confused. I have no idea what I am going to do yet. Even though the logical answer would be to leave. I just don't think I can bring myself to do that. As stupid as that might sound right now, I am not making an decisions until I have had time to think it through. Thank you everyone for your replies. I am reading through all of the new ones now.
Also, he still maintains he is innocent. It will take time, trust is lost. The $70 flowers were nice, but def NOT going to make up for what he has done.


by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 6:36 PM
Replies (231-240):
nerdymom28
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 4:34 PM

 Wow...I'm coming to this post after all the updates, and I can honestly say that I totally understand. I took back my SO after he cheated, and it is not easy. If you really want to make it work you can, but it's very hard. Once the trust is gone it is damn near impossible to get it back. This coming from a woman who has been there and deals with these issues every day of her life. Even a year after the betrayal the hurt is still as fresh as it was the day I found out. I still don't know if we will work in the longrun, but I sure am trying.

kriss-xo
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:47 PM
I have been in your same situation with my bd one to many times. I had left him two years ago because we fought about him and other girls all the time. Well two years later thinking he was serious about actually having his family was I ever wrong he never changed I caught him textin this chick dirty things, and confronted him on it... He said he'd stop talking to her... Well I found out I was pregnant not a few weeks later... And he had also moved in to my house...but he wasn't very smart...about a month later, I got work and he was late picking me up in my vehicle...I thought that was weird but he has an excuse...then I dropped him and our son off so I could do some running around.. And had brought our 5 year old...well when we were grabbing supper out of no where she goes daddy has a new friend...and her name was this chicks name... Well I text him asking about it and he lied to me...then I confronted him in face and he told the truth, but said she just was "going through a lot and needed a friend" fine but really I'm not? Pregnant your screwing around I'm working plus paying everything so on...a few weeks later I ended up having to go to emerge for pregnancy issues an he was no where to be found it was 8pm and I had our 3.5 year old with me and had to bring him. Finally at 11pm he texted and I found him at her place helping her move...after going home that night I was pretty mad the next morning he was heading to his friends with our son and I went to tell him something and got told to shut the fuck up in my own home...I text him after he left told him he had by the night to have his shit
Out...no one should have to deal with a cheater it's bs! Kick him out he's not going to stop once a cheater always a cheater..my ex is a perfect example of that nothing will ever change
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AliIzzyMom
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:50 PM
Sorry you are going through this. I hope you can find the peace you need to make the right choice for your family.
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mommyames2
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:51 PM
I just finished reading a post from a lady who was caught cheating on her husband. 98% of you said such kind things, "pray for you," "give him time.." and so on. No one bashed her, told her she didn't deserve him. He needs to leave her, divorce her. No, just pat her on the back and give her caring words. Yet I get called names, told I'm a bad mother, and only had a few people support me and my decision to not leave. This just sickens me!
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Abigail0210
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:04 PM


Quoting mommyames2:

I just finished reading a post from a lady who was caught cheating on her husband. 98% of you said such kind things, "pray for you," "give him time.." and so on. No one bashed her, told her she didn't deserve him. He needs to leave her, divorce her. No, just pat her on the back and give her caring words. Yet I get called names, told I'm a bad mother, and only had a few people support me and my decision to not leave. This just sickens me!

I just saw this post. I am so sorry that you are going through this.. It is one thing to have a friend of the opposite sex but to text that many times....uhhhh. no.  I have a good friend who is male and if we are texting, i tell my husband about what is going on....usually about football.  it is not a secret and trust me, not even close to 500 times in a year.

I support you... I will pray for you...that youa re able to come the conclusion that is best for you. 

hudson.maggie
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:08 PM

 First- I think that it was COMPLETELY rude of him to say that he wouldn't stop talking to her for you, are you kidding? Your HIS WIFE!

Second- If it "was nothing" as he claims, there wouldn't be sneaking, hiding and he wouldn't have gotten defensive.

Third- Don't stay in a relationship where he treats you like trash. Flowers are nice, but how long will that last?

MommaK10
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:39 PM

You know what I also dont think you were wrong....you had every right to feel the way you did. I can somewhat relate to your story in a way. My lil' girls "Father" did the same  thing to me, except ya he would be textin this girl, right in front o me and I always would ask him " wat you guys tlkn bout?" he would say "None of your bussiness." and i would ask him i i could look at his messges but he would aways say no. so i knew smething was up. This was all happening when i was pregnant. Well he also would pull our friends in a different room to secretly tlk to thm, and when i would ask them wat they tlkd bout they would tell me they cant tell me, so i wuld ask him and he would say the samething,"its none of your bussiness". and when it would just be me and him and he would get a phne call hed go to a different to tlk. He would also start coming home really late after he was off wrk.  So ya there was smething goin on alll right.Well my dad had cald and tld me tht cameron is wantin to tlk to me bout smething. So, when he gt hme finally he cme upstairs and i asked him wat are you wantin to tlk to me about, hes like you know i love you right, i said i guess, hes like well im breaking up with you i love u but nt like i did. he did tell me tht he has been goin to see his girlfriend in a different twn, whom has kids of her own. and tht was tht pretty messed up. So i knw hw u feel.

A.J.s_mommy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 11:44 PM
Wow. I didn't see the other post. I hope everything works out for you and your family.

Quoting mommyames2:

I just finished reading a post from a lady who was caught cheating on her husband. 98% of you said such kind things, "pray for you," "give him time.." and so on. No one bashed her, told her she didn't deserve him. He needs to leave her, divorce her. No, just pat her on the back and give her caring words. Yet I get called names, told I'm a bad mother, and only had a few people support me and my decision to not leave. This just sickens me!
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nancysyt
by Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:59 PM

I am so sorry that this is happening to you! 

Right now, you owe to yourself kindness and love. 

No pressure should be put on making any big decisions because you are injured and you are hurting! 

Times like this are opportunity to learn to trust that you are smart and strong and you will, when you are ready do what is best for yourself and your family!




Nancy
www.teachthemhowtofish.com
yperez0209
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:14 PM

I just finished reading your third update and I already replied to you but I'm just so sorry for what your living. Unfortunately so many of us have to live through the same thing.

You know what drives me crazy about what you wrote? That he is saying that he's innocent. That's just beyond me. I might stay after the affair if he comes clean and asks for forgiveness ( I said might ) but if he's still lying, I don't know my dear.

Whatever you choose to do I hope it's the right thing for your family.

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