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Feeling avoided by Pastor at church, not sure what to feel...PLEASE, no religious bashing

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So here's my situation. 

About a month ago, my husband was sent home from work a week early and kept home for a month (laid off) due to a lack of work in the oil fields. We are suffering because of the lack of income that is just now hitting us. He is back at work, but won't get paid for a few more weeks. 

I only work part time and the rest of the time I take care of my children. We have been so short on food, gas and money for school clothes for my children, I went to the pastor of my church to ask if there were any food programs that could help us out until we get back on our feet, or at least until I get my small check next week. I was so embarrassed at having to ask for help I broke down from the humiliation. He explained to me that due to the small size of the church and congregation there were no programs available. He did however offer to go through his sons clothes and bring in any that he didn't need to donate to my son who is the same age. I told him I really appreciated that and left his office. 

I have been trying to keep my chin up and pray to God to help me in my struggles, but it has been very difficult. We are living on potatoes, and whatever we have left in the freezer...frozen chicken patties, a couple of Totinos' Pizza's, hotdogs and corndogs, mostly stuff we use for lunches. We are down to 2 Pizza's and 4 chicken patties and then we will be out of any kind of main course completely. 


3 weeks ago, I mentioned to my Pastor, that I would be very interested in helping to organize a type of food pantry at our church to help people out who are in the same situation as myself. I also mentioned that I was interested in getting Baptised. I've been a member at this church for 6 months and since renewing my relationship with the LORD, I feel I need to take that final step to feel "complete" in my new life with HIM. Since then, the pastor avoids me, seemingly at all costs. If I am within 3 feet of him and make eye contact he will move across the room. If I try to approach him, he will quickly strike up conversation with the nearest person to him. I FEEL him avoiding me. He is making it very clear he does not want to talk to me or hear anything I have to say. 


Tonight when I dropped off my son for youth group, I went inside to ask the Pastor if he would see to it that another member who regularly brings my son home, would please give him a ride tonight, and to please get a message to my Bible Study guide at her home that I would not be attending tonight as I just had a tooth pulled yesterday, and my phone had been shut off. (I spent my last $20 yesterday making sure there would be milk and bread and potatoes in the house.) YES, I sacrifice my phone bill in order to feed my children. Their welfare is far more important than my phone to me. 


so, now I am so self conscious, hurt and disappointed, I'm afraid to even return to church. But I will because it means so much to me and to my children! I just don't know what to do, how to act. I am completely appalled that a man who has dedicated his life to teaching the gospel, is acting in such a hypocritical way. I am new at church, and bible study...I am a new believer. That doesn't make me a bad person. I wasn't raised with awareness of the gospel, nor did my parents take me to church regularly. I had to find God on my own, luckily...HE found me! And now I am learning that God does not want us to judge one another, and yet I am feeling "judged" by the very man who is teaching me this? I am so in love with God, but I am feeling more and more that the reputation of the church and it's leaders are true, that it's all propaganda, do as I say, not as I do bologna! I don't want to give up, but I'm not very good at confrontations. 

Advise?

Thanks for listening...sorry it's so long and drawn out!

by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 10:53 PM
Replies (21-30):
Momforhealth
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:45 AM
That sounds so cute. It is not negative. It is when you give a portion of your income to the church out of faith. Faith in God. 10percent usually after youve taken care of your house. It helps others like you. My church put me to work. It could be what he is waiting for..i dont know his intentions. If they are small they may not have it to give. Someone might ask him to ask congregation for a benevolance offering. Possibly look in the back of your bible for words like faith and it should direct you. Your bible study teacher might help you too...and pray with you. Maybe youre being led by God to help get one going again. Start one. Start a prayer board in your group so others too can make their needs known. If pastor cant help, others will.

Quoting Anjlmom32:

I only know a handful of people from church. I spoke to the pastor in confidence because I didn't know who else to ask, as well as my Women's bible study leader. According to my bible study leader, there is a program...or used to be. But according to the pastor, there isn't. So I don't know. I pray every night and do my scripture homework for bible study, but I am not familiar enough with the bible to know where to look for the answers. I don't know what "tything" means...but it sounds negative. I'm just trying to get helpful advise on where to look in the bible for answers and how to approach this situation without feeling so...ashamed and guilty for asking a stranger for help.



Quoting Momforhealth:

Are you tything? Have faith. Keep praying. Your answers are in scripture and your pastors teachings.


In these situations i like to take a closer look at myself. I pray everything gets better tomorrow. Do you have any of those little old ladies who cook those delish meals?
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Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:38 AM

Probably you shouldn't have asked the Pastor to pass along messages for you.

Apart from that, is is possible that the Pastor thinks that you may be giving him too much personal attention?  Maybe avoid being alone with him... but then this theory doesn't explain why he is avoiding you in a group setting.

For now back way off and see if he settles down in his behavior toward you.

TeaHound
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I understand where you're coming from on this. I spent my teen years learning all the "right stuff" about being a good Christian. I moved away, got married, had kids, then moved back. When I got back NOTHING about that church had changed; no one had grown. I found that none od the leadership were doing what they had taught me and they were all in the back pockets of those who financially supported the church (and had been all along). They didn't teach what the Bible said, they taught what would make the men with money feel good anout their lives and choices.
Anyway, when someone brought up the differences between this church body and the Biblical Christianity they pretended to teach, he was given "the left hand of fellowship" (asked to leave and not come back).
I was very disappointed and didn't teach attend anymore. It's sad that we can't trust those in authority, especially in spiritual authority, but we can always trust God. He won't ever avoid you.
LMKif you want to talk/pray further. I'm sorry this is already so long. ((Hugs))
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Megan11587
by Bronze Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:06 AM

I would arrange a meeting with the pastor and ask him what the issue is. Is there another church you could attend instead of this one?

robyann
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this

 I am sorry your pastor isn't trying to help you, even with some info of some place that can help. I would be looking for another church, one that preaches love and serventhood. We are to serve others, let the love of Jesus shine through us. Unfortunetly there are too many churches like the one you attend. They don't grow, they aren't concerned with the Kingdom of God. They are only concerned with their little group of people who justify eachother. These types of church eventually die. Because Jesus is not the center of the church. Love is the key. I really hope you can find another church in your area. Send me a private message with your city if you want to,  and I will try to find a good church in your area. As far as your needs do you have a CAC, Community Action Center? Or call other churches in your area, bigger churches and ask them for help. A true Christian will help you, in some way, either directly or they will find the help for you. I know your a new Christian, but you do need to learn about tithing. It's all about faith and knowing God will provide your needs. We are in some tough times right now too, but God is providing for us and we know He will continue to. Sorry this has gotten so long, lol, you hit on a passion of mine. :)

Mom2Boys9501
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:33 AM
It says in the Bible if you have something against your brother go to him and talk. I would suggest you do the same with the pastor. Just remember he is human. I can tell you from helping out at our church a pastor has a lot on his mind and probably isn't intentionally ignoring you.
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Anjlmom32
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 12:07 AM
Yes, I do give out as much as I possibly can, sometimes I write a check for $20, sometimes all I have on me are a few loose $1's. in fact, I gave my last $5 last week. Thank you for educating me on "tything"...I feel kinda silly, but appreciate the follow up explanation. :)

Quoting Momforhealth:

That sounds so cute. It is not negative. It is when you give a portion of your income to the church out of faith. Faith in God. 10percent usually after youve taken care of your house. It helps others like you. My church put me to work. It could be what he is waiting for..i dont know his intentions. If they are small they may not have it to give. Someone might ask him to ask congregation for a benevolance offering. Possibly look in the back of your bible for words like faith and it should direct you. Your bible study teacher might help you too...and pray with you. Maybe youre being led by God to help get one going again. Start one. Start a prayer board in your group so others too can make their needs known. If pastor cant help, others will.



Quoting Anjlmom32:

I only know a handful of people from church. I spoke to the pastor in confidence because I didn't know who else to ask, as well as my Women's bible study leader. According to my bible study leader, there is a program...or used to be. But according to the pastor, there isn't. So I don't know. I pray every night and do my scripture homework for bible study, but I am not familiar enough with the bible to know where to look for the answers. I don't know what "tything" means...but it sounds negative. I'm just trying to get helpful advise on where to look in the bible for answers and how to approach this situation without feeling so...ashamed and guilty for asking a stranger for help.





Quoting Momforhealth:

Are you tything? Have faith. Keep praying. Your answers are in scripture and your pastors teachings.



In these situations i like to take a closer look at myself. I pray everything gets better tomorrow. Do you have any of those little old ladies who cook those delish meals?
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4everloyal
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:56 AM

I'm certianly not perfect and I sure know what it's like to be a member at a church and feel ostracized. It's what satan does though. He plants thoughts in your head and waits to see what you'll do. Have you ever stopped to think that he's ticked your there in the first place and got saved, so now he's gonna use your weak areas (insecurities, fears) to get you to leave the place where your watered and fed? It could also be that the Pastor is dealing with his own human issues and perhaps Gods spirit is convicting him and he's trying to avoid you because you'd make him accountable to something he's fighting? Who knows! All I know is this:

You did all you knew how to do and you must trust God will do what only he can do. He tells us if he feeds, clothes and shelters the birds of the air and they 'want' for nothing (meaning they need nothing), how much MORE will he do for you? He also says, "ye have not because ye ASK NOT". When people fail you, even pastors...pray for them and then go to God. This is coming from a mom who had two food  miracles when I was "considering" if there was a God. The first time I said, "if there is a god, i sure could use the help about now". I had just realized I was out of formula and the cupboard had one can of tuna and an open and stale box of hard-shelled tacos. That was it. I swallowed a stale tuna taco to stave off the hunger, swallowed the lump in my throat, bundled my baby, walked through the snow to the grocery store and stood in front of the formula with the last $10 I had...eyeing the peanut butter and bread. With all the will power I could muster, I white knuckled that formula willing myself to 'do the right thing' when I was so darn hungry myself and though I won't go into detail, my conversation with myself was not too nice as I fought the urge to spend money on food for myself and water down less formula. In the end, as I walked to the checkout gripping the can for $9.95 and trying not to cry as I promised my son I'd always feed him first...a lady came out of nowhere, apololgized for startling me out of my focus, then bent low and whispered in my ear, "You're going to think this is a little strange....but God told me to give you this"....she handed me a paper and walked away. I looked down and realized she had just handed me a $20 bill. When I looked up, she was nowhere. Needless to say, it was the best peanut butter sandwich I EVER ate...and I started thinking maybe there was something real about God afterall. Two weeks later, out of groceries again (but enough formula), I tacked a list to the fridge and made a comment saying, 'well, if you don't  mind god...uh...not sure how I'll buy any of it but if you could help again, that'd be okay..so...uh...ok then." Next morning, day off, baby sleeping, I'm folding laundry and I hear a small knock on the door. I check, no one. I scan the hallway through the peephole trying to see if it was one of my neighbor friends...no one in hall, no doors shutting, no one buzzed in and end doors locked. Confused I open the door, look both ways and step back to shut the door, glancing down as I do. One Brown Grocery bag full of food sat in front of my door. I raced down the hall to check the parking lot on the right...empty. I raced back down the hallway to check the parking lot on the left...empty. I raced backdown the hall, jumped over the groceries, bolted through my living room and flew onto the patio, determined to see the car leave that left those groceries. No car. I stood there, on the ice, barefeet, turned and stood puffing my white breaths into the cold air as I stared at that bag, from the balcony in front of my wide-open door. I slowly walked back inside, past the bag and proceeded to knock on neighbors doors for another 10 minutes. No one home,but I already knew. Inherently, I knew. I finally picked up the bag, and as I emptied it a dawning realization hit: I whirled around and grabbed the grocery list from the fridge from the night before....every-single-thing was in that bag, name-brand and all. No extras, No less. God is GOOD and he CARES.

We are all "the church". The church was never meant to be the building we drove to, but the people who allowed God's kingdom to come to fruition "in earth" (Adam means Earth and we're all decendants of Adam). God has provisions in his word, that we were supposed to implement in the adoption of our economy except greed has taken over. I want to tell you to trust God, ask Him and then hear about your miracle, but I also know, as God's "church", I am also expected to help if I can. It's what we're supposed to do. I'm not rich by any means, I am a single parent of two and I'm not working, but God has provided and continues to. For that reason, I want you to email me at annointedthreads@gmail.com. with your current mailing address or at least city, state so I can research what's in your area. We can discuss details later and perhaps find a short-term solution for now. In the meantime please remember: Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things NOT seen!

mandy18192
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 6:28 PM
I'm so sorry to hear that. But just keep trusting Jesus! When no one else will stand by you Jesus will:) I grew up in a pastors home and not all pastors are like thy but sadly some are, they look at it as more of a chore than an actual ministry. But I'd try to talk to him. Ill be praying for you Hun!

"Casting all your care upon him for HE cares for YOU!"
JoshuasMommii
by on Oct. 6, 2012 at 7:33 PM
I say stick it out he probably feels bad there was nothing he could do to help... It will pass :)
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