Out of control

My 4 year old foster son is like this to the extreme. We are in the process getting him evaluated, however, it is suspected that he has FAS and possibly ADHD and attatchment disorder.

When she doesn't behave there must be a consequence,like a 4 minute time-out,EVERY time,she will learn. When she does the right thing praise her and talk about it with others when she can hear you.

Open your mind to the possibility that adhd and all that stuff is  "made up"  so they can sell more drugs and get more children on medications. Doctors are too fast to pin these diagnosis on our kids..imo.  They did not medicate us in the 60's and 70's.  They spanked.  Because it worked.   I remember a show on the t.v. a few years back where this mom found help from a dietitian who explained some of this behavior might be caused by food allergies and began removing suspect foods from the diet. The childs behavior improved so much it was astonishing. Just to prove the point they re-introduced the restricted food and the child returned to the holy terror you are describing.  

Another show I caught was of a mom who used medical marijuana to medicate her kid to focus.  This was years ago..20/20 or Dateline or some such.  If you aren't comfortable going with drugging up your child....consider perhaps what most of us got for medication when we acted like the center of the universe.   A trip over the knee!

I had it bad today. I took her to walmart to get some groceries. She says mommy can I get a pumpkin. I said sure you can paint it but not a big one until the pumpkin patch. She picks out a few other things that I approve of. I didn't approve of some kind of candy dersert thing she wanted so I said no Emma you can't have that. I start pushing the cart and she just starts panicking and breaking down right there in the store. I was telling her not to act like this and that we are around other people who can see her behavior. So I gave up got her out of the cart left the whole thing there and took her to the car. Well get this, she is screaming and crying for about ten miles until I got home......kicking my seat and trying to pull my hair back while driving. It's like one minute she's fine... then if she doesn't get her way she literally behaves so badly it's stressing me out. I got home took her up to her room ....gave her some swats, and told her she had to stay in her room for a little bit for being bad. So she's up there screaming for about twenty mins that shes scared and opens the door and yells and scream.. is this freaking normal? Has anyone else's kids done this?

My mom used to say the same thing about 3 being a worse age than 2. I agree!

Quoting Aubie1229:

Biggest thing is to be consistent with your discipline and never give in. If you tell her no and she does it again, commence with the punishment and don't back down. People used to say the terrible two's but I believe it's the terrible three's . Don't be afraid to plop her in her room and close the door until she stops screaming. Do this each time

imo..if you swat her behind and put her in her room let her stew . Then as you say she is scared. Take her and cuddle and comfort her. Thats a good chance to explain she cant have everything. haha  good luck

My oldest was like that. I chalk it up to the mommy learning curve :-) When she started school they wanted me to have her tested for ADHD.. That was my get real moment! Istarted studying parenting styles like crazy after that and worked my booty off to find a way to get her behavior under control. The single best thing I did was let go of any ideal that was already conditioned in my mind! We all have to find what will be affective within our own home and family. All three of my kids are elt with in their own way now. My oldest is 14, well behaved and an A student. Tthe middle one is 13, spunky and has a heart the size of Texas. My 4 year old pushes the limits, tries to be rude at times but I remind him pretty quickly what happens when he doesn't behave as expected. Good luck mommy!

It might be a good idea to consult with your pediatrician about your daughter's behavior.

Incentives work very well for younger children especially. Have you considered using a behavior chart to motivate your daughter to change her behavior? You can list the things she needs to accomplish (try to keep it short, simple, and specific) in order to earn a reward that day. I would suggest starting with only one or two goals. Choose the behaviors that are most concerning to you first. Perhaps the goals are not to talk back and to listen when she is spoken to. She might be able to earn things for reaching these goals such as playing a game with you, watching her favorite cartoon, getting an ice cream, choosing a prize from a prize box (things you can get at a dollar store), etc. You can work on short term rewards in the beginning (one day at a time) and then gradually work towards bigger incentives for achieving her goals over longer periods of time. Ask her what she would like to work towards earning and you can both come up with a list you can agree upon.

You also mentioned that she throws fits. When she does this, I would suggest that you tell her you will talk to her when she is calm and then walk away. Allow her to scream and cry until she is able to calm down, while ensuring that she is being safe. Unfortunately, trying to talk her out of it often escalates the situation. When she is calm, talk to her about the behavior, do some problem solving around how she can calm herself when she is feeling upset (instead of throwing a fit), and give consequences as necessary.

I hope this helps!

Thanks. :) I think I'm going to try a parenting class. I thought I was doing good until now. I've tried the rewards and charts. She's gets bored very very easily. I won't let anyone tell me she has ADHD bc of the fact that I know kids that have been out meds for that who I don't even think needed them in the first place which makes me so mad!

When I suggested you talk to her ped about the possibility of ADHD, I didn't mean go and dope your kid up. There are many forms of treatment that don't involve medication, such as behavior modification or therapy. I don't see the harm in consulting with her ped, that's what they are there for, and he/she might have some positive insight.