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I filed for more time with my son, dad is not happy

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:59 PM
  • 28 Replies

Oh gosh where do I start. I suppose I can give the short version for starters.

I knew I never wanted to be with his father, a one night stand and now I have a beautiful son with him. We went to court just after he was born. We agreed we should have a parenting plan in place before I moved out and it was final. We did, he makes a lot more money that me so he hired a lawyer, one that would represent "both of us." Well that did NOT work out to my advantage. He is a very controlling man, he forced, yes forced ( I was mentally controlled by this crazy man at the time), me out of one extra day per week with my son, he verbally agreed to a different schedule which he retracted on immediately leaving me less one day each week. I couldn't afford the private school so he said he would pay for it in return for one of my days with my son. Also, he insisted that we exclude that he was doing this because he was buying a big house and wanted his debt to income to look good so he would get what he wanted. Well, I ignorantly agreed. Here we are a few years later, I'm a much stronger person and mother. I entered a modification for 50/50 equal time.

He has already emailed me several times saying that my request is out of line, he will not budge etc. So, I set up a mediation for us (it's in the original agreement that we would do that). He is telling his lawyer that because I couldn't afford the school before I wont be able to now and it's not in the kids best intereset - when in fact I have been paying for half of the schooling already thus far. Well, I make a lot more now. I have also submitted for child support. (Because it is required in the state of colorado when a modification of parenting time is entered) I want to do one week with me, one week with dad. It's simple, we each get a week at a time. His idea of giving me more time is changing up the schedule, I still would have less time with him. I wish he would just stop being selfish and realize that our son deserves both parents, EQUALLY.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:07 PM

I don't think your request is at all unreasonable, and I'm sure that the mediator and/or judge will agree.

Good luck!

LucyHarper
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:10 PM

I think your request is reasonable, but if hes with you 50/50, I don't think asking for child support is reasonable.

LvngMmyCampbell
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:36 PM

I agree, however when requesting any change to what is current - I am required to provide a sworn financial statement along with a support informational page. It is up to the state ultimately to determine if child support should be ordered. At that time, I can accept or waive it. I previously waived it, in order to help his fathers appearance when he was trying to get a good mortgage. I do think that any money from him would only go towards what is best for our son though, things like extra cirricular programs at his school that I currently am not able to provide as they are very costly. His dad already enrolls him in these things - without my input. (not that I would disagree, I just wish he would involve me in those decisions)

Quoting LucyHarper:

I think your request is reasonable, but if hes with you 50/50, I don't think asking for child support is reasonable.


lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:41 PM
I think its wrong to have a child in 1 home one week and another for the next. Children need structure, different house different rules and its confusing. From knowing a lot of single moms most judges denie a visitation like that because its unstable for the child.
However, I hope you get more time with him as I do think a child needs both mom and dad if they are good for the child.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:44 PM
I have seen it work well. Great for the kid. Well adjusted. Parents get along great. I think no child support for 50/50 time.


Quoting lilmama8408:

I think its wrong to have a child in 1 home one week and another for the next. Children need structure, different house different rules and its confusing. From knowing a lot of single moms most judges denie a visitation like that because its unstable for the child.

However, I hope you get more time with him as I do think a child needs both mom and dad if they are good for the child.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
robyann
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:47 PM

 Here in Ky, even when you share custody and have equal time, the parent who makes more money would still have to pay child support. Personally I don't like the child going back and forth and not really having their own home. But my views on this are apperently outdated, lol. Lots of kids do this now. Even 3-1/2 days at one house then 3-1/2 days at the other every week. You have to decide what's best for your child. 

xoxRachelxox
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:48 PM

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're in a better place now and can do 50/50 then you should. This is just him trying to be in control.

I can't stand controlling people. You do what you need to and don't trust him if he says something because he's shown you he can't be trusted.

If he tries to offer an agreement, make sure you cover your ass and get it in writing and stick to your guns. He's going to fight you like hell on everything. That's just what controlling people do.

LvngMmyCampbell
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:59 PM

Controlling - that's exactly what he is, I will EVERYTHING down in writing. Which is why I'm happy we will have to go to mediation. There is a witness, plus our agreements will all go into the parenting plan.

Quoting xoxRachelxox:

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're in a better place now and can do 50/50 then you should. This is just him trying to be in control.

I can't stand controlling people. You do what you need to and don't trust him if he says something because he's shown you he can't be trusted.

If he tries to offer an agreement, make sure you cover your ass and get it in writing and stick to your guns. He's going to fight you like hell on everything. That's just what controlling people do.


LvngMmyCampbell
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:02 PM

Currently, he is with me each week from Sunday morning until Tuesday evening. So, he spends two school days with me and one weekend day. Then goes to dad's for the remainder of the school week and a weekend day. I think that is WAY more confusing. Neither one of us has a sense of what exactly happened during the entire school week. This will only get harder as he gets into elementary where there are weekly projects, weekly spelling bees etc. I think one week here and one week there would provide him with more stability then he has now with split weeks. What else would you propose? I am asking seriously, not meanly. I'm very open to ideas. The only idea he has offered is for me to add every other Saturday and for him to add every other Sunday. So in essence, I would still have the same amount of days 40/60 yet the schedule would be even more unstable for our son.

Quoting lilmama8408:

I think its wrong to have a child in 1 home one week and another for the next. Children need structure, different house different rules and its confusing. From knowing a lot of single moms most judges denie a visitation like that because its unstable for the child.
However, I hope you get more time with him as I do think a child needs both mom and dad if they are good for the child.


LvngMmyCampbell
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this

That is exactly how it is here - however it can be waived in most cases if the parties agree to it. I think it had to be under a certain amount though to be waived. In all consideration, it is to be sure that the child is cared for financially and equally. So if one parent makes a lot more, although they may have the child for more time, it is reasonable for the parent making more of the money to even out the score so to say. I don't exactly agree with it, however I will probably not turn down any money that is only going to my son anyway - regardless of what household it comes from. Our son only needs to know that both mommy and daddy are giving him the things that he needs.

Quoting robyann:

 Here in Ky, even when you share custody and have equal time, the parent who makes more money would still have to pay child support. Personally I don't like the child going back and forth and not really having their own home. But my views on this are apperently outdated, lol. Lots of kids do this now. Even 3-1/2 days at one house then 3-1/2 days at the other every week. You have to decide what's best for your child. 


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