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Why can't people get along?

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:31 AM
  • 13 Replies

Especially ex spouses? I read so much about women hating their ex husband(and his new gf or wife). They also hate MIL but absolutely love their own mother. They complain about CS and the amount paid or not paid. We never paid CS. Ifdd needed something we bought it. It didn't matter which one of us paid for it. But I should mention I always worked, I never stayed at home. DD's step-mom also works but this is her first marriage and has 1 son with dd's father. All 4 of us work to take care of her and ourselves. If your DH pays too much(in your opinion) and can't pay the bills at home you go to work to help with the bills. I get along so well with my ex! I just don't understand it.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
beco8627
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:37 AM
Well, perhaps the ex was an abusive asshole or just an asshole period and refuses to work with you like a responsible adult...I don't deal with an ex so I'm not exactly sure about the circumstance, but my best friend has been dealing with a custody battle over her 7 yr old for 3 yrs...her ex was extremely abusive, and his rich parents have been giving her hell for 3 yrs.
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-PB
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:49 AM

Every one's situation is different.  Its easy to say "Oh lets just get along for the children's sake" but doing so can be a whole different ball game.  If only life were that easy.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 9:55 AM
I wonder. Kids are profoundly affected by fighting parents.
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bebcarroll
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:03 AM

Because not everyone had their children when they and their parenter were mature.  It happens, sometime we all make mistakes, and sometimes that mistake was choosing someone who is not mature or mentally healthy to have children with.  So things aren't nice and smooth.  Actually, consider yourself lucky that your child's parent is a mentally healthy stable mature adult.  Not everyone is that lucky.

savingtheworld
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:10 AM
Wouldn't it make the situation better? Yea u would think..I get along with my ex we don't pay cs we take care of what needs to b done..he's been married 3 times, an on he's 3 rd divorce...iv never had a problem with any of he's ex wives..but on the other hand, my New husband an he's ex wife are a diff story, they fight about every thing! Iv tried getting them to stop, I wish they could see how it effects they're kids..hubby finally stopped fighting her, but she don't stop..an I really don't know what to do? I know how mothers can b over their children, so I try not to b to involved..but then it makes my hubby mad..
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Bleacheddecay
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:34 AM

My ex who, thankfully is dead now, was someone who had to fight with me all the time. It got so bad that I began hiring a sitter to do the hand off of the child. I just wanted things calm for my baby but he was not going to allow that. Right up until the day he died he was trying to screw with me, telling me his illness was genetic and so on when it wasn't so I'd be worried for our child.

Eventually got over what he did to me. After all I was an adult and partly allowed it to happen. What I can't ever get over is what he did to our child. She is still in counseling for post traumatic stress from his crap.  He died when she was eight which was far too late. I hope someday she can overcome the damage he did.

Generally I think people can't get along because they are angry, hurt and betrayed. Btw, I get along with my MIL and Mother but I don't like or seek their company ever. I felt much closer to my ex MIL who I had to give up in the divorce.

If people could get along why would they get divorced at all?

TeaHound
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:44 AM
I'm married to my only husband, but my parents are divorced. They always got along as far back as I can remember. She divorced him b/c got drunk and hit her; apparently not just once. When he wasn't doing that anymore, they got along. His second wife hated her (my mom, his first wife) and I reminded her of mom, so she'd beat me. His third wife never knew his first two, but she decided I was out to get her.
To answer your question: IDK
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CoeyG
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:06 PM

Because they hang onto childish grudges, jealousies.  If the have children they need to grow up and get over their pettiness for the kid's sake, rather than becoming even more dysfunctional than they were when married.  It doesn't make the situation any better by acting like middle school brats in front of one's children. 

trulyblessed618
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:10 PM
I don't know .... But I will say the hatred my mother has toward my father has not been healthy for me..... And now I'm grown with kids and my mother won't attend an affair if he us present even for my Kids birthday.... Oh and she doesn't feel comfortable if his other kids attend either.
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robyann
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 1:11 PM

 You are very lucky! Also both of you or all 3 of the adults here are very mature and able to think of the best interest of the child. Sadly, lots of ex's are just so hurt and angry they can't move past their own feelings. It does take two though, even if you were willing to work maturely with your ex, he would have to be willing too. I'd say your child will be very well adjusted and feel secure about the love of her parents.

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