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Mixing families is so hard....

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:37 PM
  • 10 Replies
I need some advice ladies!!!! I have 2 kids of my own and my husband has 2 kids of his own. Well one of his kids tends to talk back to me and be pretty rude from time to time and they do it right in front of him, and my husband doesn't stick up for me, doesn't say don't disrespect her like that or anything. Now if one of my kids do that he is all over them, telling them they need to respect me and not treat me that way. What the hell is that all about? I see all the kids as our kids not his kids and my kids, but I am really hurt right now that my kids get yelled at for EVERYTHING and his kids don't. When I try to talk to my husband about it all he says is I am drama and make everything drama, so I remove myself from the situation and lock myself in my room :(. What do you all thonk? Is there a better way to handle this?
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:00 PM
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you and he need to sit down and come op with house rules for ALL children. Also have the consequences of breaking the rules. The only way for this blended family to work is to treat all children fairly by both parents.

savingtheworld
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Girl..I'm n the same boat..I have 3 an he has 3.. when mine does some thing he's all over it..but if its he's an I say some thing..he thinks I'm picking on them? I do more for he's kids then mine..its been 2 yrs..but I still have hope..iv learned to ignore a lot..but do set rules..it takes a while but just b patient:)
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CoeyG
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:10 PM
2 moms liked this

I think you're avoiding communication with your husband by running to your room and locking the door, that's a childish move.  You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this they way grown ups do.  Perhaps counsling will help because you both have to have the same rules for all of the kids and you both have to be able to discipline accordingly.  If you don't then your marriage and this family are never going to work. 

xoxRachelxox
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:13 PM
1 mom liked this

When he does that, you should bring it to his attention. I don't mean later during a fight but just calmly point it out to him when he's doing that.


erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting CoeyG:

I think you're avoiding communication with your husband by running to your room and locking the door, that's a childish move.  You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this they way grown ups do.  Perhaps counsling will help because you both have to have the same rules for all of the kids and you both have to be able to discipline accordingly.  If you don't then your marriage and this family are never going to work. 




This is exactly why 75% of second marriages with minor children fail. The problem is with your husband
cchanner
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:02 PM
I just want to clarify, I don't run yo my room to avoid communication, I go to my room because I would rather not get into a argument in front of the kids!!!!! I step away to calm down and think about what just happened so when we do talk about it, it's talking not fighting! Why is it too that the answer always is your marriage isnt going to work?? My marriage is just fine, just have some bumps in the road. This post is me asking for other ways to approach it, I am just trying to see if maybe someone has any scenerios that I can try!!!
gma12.1
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM
1 mom liked this

Do they all live with you? If they do it sounds like your kids are picking up skids attitude. Since it seems like he wants things to be like 2 seperate families you may want to try giving him that. It will be a pain in the ass but begin doing things for your kids ONLY by that I mean that you take care of them and let DH take care of his kids, let him cook, clean, taxi, everything for them then when they begin the attitude with him he might look at things differently. Like I said this will be a pain in the ass but it shouldn't take very long at all before all 3 want you back in the picture.

cchanner
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:34 PM
Yes we all live tgether, and I do it all, thats a good idea, but I would feel horrible for the kids, I know I didn't give birth to his kids, but i love them like I did! I just don't undersatnd why my DH is on my kids asses about being respectful and not on is own kids:(
gma12.1
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:10 PM


Quoting cchanner:

Yes we all live tgether, and I do it all, thats a good idea, but I would feel horrible for the kids, I know I didn't give birth to his kids, but i love them like I did! I just don't undersatnd why my DH is on my kids asses about being respectful and not on is own kids:(

My DH was in the Army when we wound up with a family of 6. 3 his, 2 mine 1 ours. I got told many times that I was to hard on his kids, I expected them to follow the rules that my kids did and mine were 6 & 4 his were 15,13,7 ours was almost 1. Because he was gone a lot and worked long hours I had to do everything. The 15 yo girl began staying out and when I would ground her he would say I was being to hard that she didn't need to be grounded for so long. Because of things like that the kids didn't think I was or could be an authority figure. After he got home from being gone for 3 weeks we went out for the night and 15yo was to be babysitting the other 5, as we are coming home we see her walking with her boyfriend headed for home, 30 minutes later an MP showed up with her I don't remember why. DH got the shock of his life, then I told him that what he just saw was what was going on and that I wasn't being hard on ANY of them. It took that to get his attention. I wanted to do the seperate the family into his and mine but because he was gone for days even weeks I couldn't. By the time he had to leave again things had changed drastically in our house. My authority was in place and he was backing me up.

My Second time around & loving it!
boy n girl     toddler girlLina

The Twins

Mazie0723
by Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:15 PM
His kids don't respect you because he doesn't. I honestly couldn't stay in that type of marriage where its ok for his kids to walk all over you then jumps on your kids for doing the same. Not that any of them should just saying.
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