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new and advise

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:43 PM
  • 19 Replies
I am new to this group. I am in need of advise. I am currently in a relationship for 3years. We r not married. I have two daughters and he has a son and daughter. The son lives with us and the daughter with her mom. My kids also live with us. I feel that I am unhappy, very. We r not married yet and his sons mom is filthy she never cleans and her kids come to us with headlice. The son now wants to move in with his mom. It upsets my bf badly and I feel terrible for him. Its has been off and on like this for a while and its a major emotional roller coaster for us both. His son is very spoiled by his grandmother who is very disrespectful to my kids. I don't know if I need to get out now and save myself and daughters the trouble of this life. I do love him but the home life stinks right now.

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by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:43 PM
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by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 3:19 AM

Having lice has nothing to do with cleanliness.  Children of school age get lice all the time.  The son's grandmother doesn't have to respect your children, they are nothing to her.  I can certainly understand why his son would want to live with his mother considering your attitude towards him and his sister...

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 4:02 AM
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Ouch...that first comment was mean!!!! Only you can follow your instincts and it's obvious that you want to leave. Your kids should be your top priority and you are not married to him.They feel everything you are. If you aren't happy, your children will not be either. I wish you luck:)
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by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:59 AM

 First of all! I have been to her home and it is filthy!!!!! The headlice in her home is from her she has been order to get rid of it I love both those kids but when they go to me and my kids and brag about something they got and they didnt is spoiled. . Second the grandmother will respect my kids, she is not to tell them to go away bc it is there home. I asked for advise, not cristism! I give those kids everything I have I have raised the little girl her whole life and ever since she was 6 months old she has had healice. I understand its in school age kids but the headlice comes from her home! She does not keep a clean home, I have been there. I would not have posted  anything on here if it was not a valid . It is

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by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 10:04 AM

Thank you for your responce. I have a hard time bc I love him and the kids. I practically raised his daughter since she was 14 weeks old. Its just overwhelming.


I was not expecting a comment like the fisrt one. I didnt realize I sounded like I was saying I didnt love the kids. I didnt realize that a grown women could be very disrespectful to my kids in their home.


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by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:15 PM
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Aww sweetpea. That is a difficult place to be. BUT, you should know that this is going to be how your life with your bf will be, if you two should decide to get married. So, what you need to think about is, is this the kind of home life you want to give your children. And don't make the mistake of thinking you are going to save the situation. If its been this way all this time, it will continue to be this way, whether you get married or not. So you are not going to save this man you love. Now, yes you love him but you have flesh and blood children that should have first thoughts from you.  You have to do what is best for them. If you feel like you can go on living with this type of life that you have already been living, then that is what you should decide. BUT, if you don't think that this is the kind of life you want your children growing up in and thinking  this is a normal way of living and therefore grow up and repeat this type of living for themselves. You have some thinking to do. And just remember, it is your life. You are in charge of it.  Good luck no matter what you decide. :)  

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:00 PM
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Gee, some people can be really mean.  that first comment was uncalled for.   I know somewhat how you feel with the gma situation.  my mother in law told all our family and friends my husband did not father our first child!  and she acted as such to my child.  it was awful and heartbreaking to watch.  (fyi my hubby never doubted it,) but it did make for havic in our household because regardless of what is mother was saying it is still his mother.  I had to put my foot down and set limits and boundries and rules with my husband  just to get my daughter a bit of respect from her grandmother. but he followed through and its been 12 yrs and havent had any problems since.  If you are unhappy look at whats making you unhappy.....can it be fixed? or is it just the way it is?  have you talked to your bf about what is making you unhappy?  If he loves you as much as you love him things can be worked out.  TALK!!!!!  I get that the kids gma is not YOUR kids gma but she should still have respect and compassion for your children after all not all families start with a marriage!  good luck be strong and stick up for yourself and kids

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:07 PM

if you want to control head lice in your own kids hair just put jell or something of the like in it while these kids are around.

I am sorry the parent in charge of the liced kid is not a good enough parent to take the appropriate measures to get rid of it. It is in my book an issue of cleanliness. I say this because if they don't care enough to keep their kids lice free then imagine what their house looks and smells like. ( i have in laws like this for the last 10 years their kids bring head lice to my house every time they is laziness and she is to lazy to clean her house much less her kids....i WONT walk on her floors with out shoes, no this does not attribute to the lice but the fact that it is recurring shows how lazy mother is and if ur lazy with ur kids you will be lazy with ur home NASTY)

ok invest in some of that pricey spray and when they leave spray his areas down. Before he/she comes in the house jell his/her head very heavy with jell so that lice that is in hair will smother. lice can only hold their breath for 3 mins. If you heavily jell head (conditioner works well also) it will smother adults, and any that hatch will also smother. Since they hatch every 3 days you will need to keep this done for roughly 5 to 7 days to get it all.

here is what i do when my neices and nephiews come over for the night.

1. boys get head shaved to a bur.

2. Girls get heavy jell and i french braid hair to keep it from looking like a greasy mess. (ponytail will work too)

3. i redo the jell with out rinsing hair that evening if they arrive in the afternoon or morning.

4. refresh jell in morning. spray down anything that has material with the lice spray. couches, chairs, carpets, beds and wash all linens. Yes its a lot of work. But you should be cleaning the sheets once a week anyway so wth~! why not do it after their visit instead of before. (well i do anyway)

5. wash and re apply jell/conditioner.

   continue every 3 days till not an issue.

I have been told by the schools that this is not appropriate way to get rid of it. So since i am not into that expensive crap called rid that usually does not work i just keep them home till i know they can ck heads and find no bugs or nits. usually after 7 days all are gone. This IS a save and effective way to get rid of it with out spending ours hurting ur kids head with a nit comb. IDC what other people say. i have had to deal with this issue for so many years i finally researched it and this is what conclusion i came to.

As far as you not being happy. Time to move on. jmo. Lice is not the reason for your unhappyness. It is mearly in inconvience that is there for you to deal with. In fact all these issues sound to me like issues you are made to deal with that are just not part of that perfect family picture that we all wish and crave for. Yes i know that no ones fam is perfect. But i deal with a crzy bitch ex wife all the time. I am lucky not to have to deal with crazy grandparents since they are either dead or got one foot in the grave. But most of ur issues are just issues you don't want to deal with because they are inconvient. If it is making you that unhappy then leave. No point in putting up with issues you don't agree with if it is making you that unhappy. jmo

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 6:26 PM
Headlice actually thrives in clean hair. It's odd, I know. I'm not really sure what to do about that. You could call cps, but that probably wouldn't help anything really. Do you get along with their mom? Is she having a hard time? Maybe you coukd offer her some help, help her clean her house or something?

As far as the kids go, yeah, they're probably spoiled but most kids are. I wouldn't worry about that.

The grandmother issue would bother me too. If she's mistreating your kids I wouldn't allow her in my home at all. Drop the kids off if they go over there, and tell her why. Theres no sense in that. She's a grown ass woman it's time for her to grow up.

Only you can decide what to do with your bf. I understand you love him but your kids are your priority. If you can remedy the situation you'll have to live with it. Thats your choice to make.

As far as the first person hurting your feelings, you're going to get that here whether it's called for or not so I recommend you don't post on here if you're not prepared for that. someones opinion over the internet is hardly important, though so I wouldn't sweat it.
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 7:01 PM

The problem with the lice is between your boyfriend and his ex.  I don't care where you have been.  If these are his children then he needs to take care of the problem, not you.  If he won't then you have to blame him as well as their mother.  And once again, the grandmother does not have to respect your children, they are no relation to her.  If you don't like the way she treats your children in your home that is something you need to discuss with your boyfriend again and again if he doesn't stand up for you then the issue is his fault.  If you can't tell him to man up then that would be your fault

by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:53 PM

I do think you have to consider that your girls are your first priority, and their well-being and happiness (and so also yours) is your top concern.  If the home life isn't happy, that's not good.  I know you love him, but the reality is that you both come with history and kids, and so things are just more complicated.  His situation is really not going to go away.  So you have to ask yourself if it really is fair to have your homelife profoundly affected by his issues.  If it was just you, then you could decide based on what you want.  But since you have kids involved, then you have to consider what they need and what's best for them.  Maybe you could move out with your kids and see him without all the issues.  Or maybe it is best to not let it go further. 

I do wish you luck.  I know it has to be really hard.  But you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.  I'm sure you'll make the right choice.  And just ignore any rudeness.  You get all kinds of people, and you have to sometimes loverlook some replies.

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