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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Seeking advice

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:03 PM
  • 21 Replies

I am unsure of what to do and I am looking for advice from anyone that may guide me in the right direction. My hubby has a daughter from a previous relation and she is 13 yrs old. She recently was removed from her mother and placed with her father by CPS. She lived with us for almost a yr and then CPS decided to give her back to her mother. Since then the child has changed when we do see her. Just recently I found a upload on YouTube that the child created that has pictures she drew, set to music, with lyrics she wrote to go with the music and pics. In the lyrics she speaks of being taken from her mother, the father standing in her way, and her knowing the consequences and is will to risk it all even if that means she has to kill him. Later in the lyrics she writes that she is stronger now and has no fear and the now that she is home with her mother she is there to stay and to have no fear she wont let him take her away. I am very concerned by this and fearful because I have three children of mine own to worry for. What ations would you take? Where do to turn to for help for the child? Is this something to be concerned about?

Thanks, scaredDragonfly

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
offrdngal
by Terri on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:18 PM

 Has your husband seen this?  Can he talk to his daughter's mother?  It may be nothing, just words/thoughts on paper or it could be dangerous thoughts and it needs to be addressed. Is this case still open, with CPS?

starlynn2012
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:22 PM

Wow thats hard. A lot of it could be she is 13 and she is blaming her dad for what happened when it ain't his fault. Remeber teenage girls are all about them. I would look into with having other children. I would bring it up to her dad and have him bring it up to the mother. Also the father should probably talk to his daughter and explain it was not him that took her away it was the choices of her mothers why she had to leave her mom. Good Luck teens are hard to handle at least I was lol...

bbyblueAK
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 10:30 PM

this is something i would be worried about. i would have her dad look at the upload. him and her mom need to talk about this.

CoeyG
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 3:14 AM

She is a pubescent girl.  She was taken from her mother during puberty.  Manypubscent girls go through a "dark" period, this is where they start dressing "goth" and becoming sullen and their "dark side" begins to emerge, it is quite normal (as far as teens go).  There is nothing "wrong" with her.  She went through an emotional turmoil and this is how she deals with it. Some kids threaten suicide...some kids succeed on that threat.   Some write diaries.  Consider this her public diary...she is just trying to figure out where she belongs since life stepped in and threw her off balance during a crucial period of her life.  

gacgbaker
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 7:45 AM

I'm not sure what advice to give, but this group might have some good ideas:

Join us in Stepmom Central

smallfry3280
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this

first i would tell her father about this. themn, i would tell him that he needs to seek professional help for his daughter. whether she meant what she said or not- she is obviously hurting and she needs to talk to someone to make sure she doesnt mean it( even on the deepest level)

ida123
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:14 PM

Its hard,you need to talk both.

Sate
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:54 PM
I would talk to her dad and mother and then I would have a group chat with them and her. This is serious. It's one thing for a child be blame something on her father but threatening to kill him is not ok and should be taken serious. I personally wouldn't involve cps. I'd also take her to see a thearipst. If yoour insurance plan doesn't cover it thaere are income based options. She needs someone to talk to thats an adult and isnt involved in the situation including cps. It's not been that long since I was a teen and I wish someone had gotten me some help. I was terribly suicidal and just bad at the follow through or else I wouldn't be here now. It seems to be something all teens go through but it feels very real at the time. I've heard enough horror stories of teens murdering their parents to let it go without getting medical help.
kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:59 PM

Yes, you should show your husband the video so that he is aware of how his daughter feels, even if its just from an emotional stand point. They need to talk and let each other know how the other feels so that those feelings can be dealt with, whether real or imagined.  The daughter needs to be made aware of some of the details as to why she was taken from her mother and then given back to her mother and what role her dad played. She is a confused young lady with a bunch of hormones running rampant in her body making things so turned around and then she is going through some home difficulties on top of that that is also so confusing. Poor girl doesn't know which way is up.  Do you remember what it was like to start having the emotions of a woman and have your body start becoming the body of a woman while all the time you are still the mind of a young teen and didn't know which way to turn?  And all that is just a normal day in the life of a young teenage female. Now add to it, the emotional trauma of being yanked around and not knowing whether you're the cause or what.  So there is a need for daddy and daughter to talk and hopefully with the mother so they can put their daughter in a more positive place than she is now. And you definitely are in a difficult place with being stuck in the middle and wanting to make sure the younger siblings are taken care as well. Its tough being a family of different relationships. I don't envy you but I do empathize.  Hopefully you can find a way to help heal this young girl and she and her dad can have a better father-daughter relationship.  :)

savingtheworld
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 1:15 PM
Apparently she's mad as hell!! She's not crazy! My daughter had got taken from me, she's not as verbal she held her anger in...but obviously this little girl is Expressing her self..I doubt she would harm her dad.. those are just words of how she feels..an probably blames dad..before u get the child psch eval... Start off with dad apologizing..even if it was the right thing to take the child away from mom..may b the child just needs someone to understand what it felt like to her?
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