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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

19 month old and a 4 month old

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:05 PM
  • 12 Replies

And i'm going nuts. I feel like i can't enjoy one because the other is crying. I feel guilt because i had so much time with kayden, my first, and i don't have that with xander. And i feel so guilty because after Xander came, i was so wrapped up in the ever two hour feeding and exhaustion that i made kayden wait and self play. I wish i was two people. I want every individual moment and i feel like i'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, the kids and the cleaning, bills and my husbands needs (not excessive just...a mans needs) I don't even think i've stopped reciting the grocery list because i beat myself up for forgetting drano. My bathroom needs to be redone, so do my floors, the dogs need to be washed and xander's birth needs to be paid for this month. I have white cabnets and they constantly look dirty. I'm just loosing it. It took me a week to remember to shave my legs. Any advice on how to NOT loose my mind?

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
HLmom89
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Joys of motherhood to two kids. I know how you feel. I have a 2 year old, and 4.5 year old. Laundry, cleaning, taking care of animals, meals, dr appts, school pick up and drop offs, husbands needs, shower and get ready for bed. I am exhausted.
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:09 PM

What is your husband doing to help out around the house and children?   Look into mommy groups for toddlers that you could take both children to at the library for story time.

Mommy2KandX
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:15 PM

packing them up seems like more hassle than its worth, plus... unless my husband gets this new job we arent rolling in the dough. He wasn't doing much, at all actually. And i lost my shit last friday. He's been better, i just still feel overwelmed. Him bathing the kids is a necessity not "helping", i'm getting their clothes and dealing with one while he has the other. We take shifts with the baby, every other day because i'd die without any sleep and all this stress. He can't handle the budget, hes baaaaad with money. Took me 2 years and my grandmother to bail us out of bad financial decisions. So he puts up laundry like twice a week and only our clothes (because the kids are alseep) and i paid someone to cut our lawn today. So i dunno, it seems like he does the best he can but it's not a whole lot in comparison of my day or things that NEEDS to be done.

melisawoosley
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Take a break. Just some time for you while your s/o takes over. You wouldn't trade one for the other so the only thing left to do is take a breath and stop focusing on the negative. Use baby nap to rest up and one on one for toddler. Your babies know you're stressed and so they're stressed too. The best thing you can do for them is catch a break when you can and feel better. My babies are 16 mo apart. It CAN be done :)...successfully i might add
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comptonkids
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:25 PM
It's HARD especially the first 6 months
I had a 17 month old when my second was born

I lost it...several times

He HAS to help...I don't care if he works 80 hrs a week...he HAS to contribute to the house when he is home
Start a load of laundry, do some dishes
Take over the babies for 2 hours so mama can get a nap

You need to sit down(ha! I know how that is) and write down what you WANT him to do around he house

Look over it a few days and then take that and write what you NEED him to do

I have 3 right now, 2 are in school,1 3 days a week, 1 full time

Today I had 2 at home and the house was a Wreck from trying to organize and get winter stuff ready

The dishes needed unloading, we had MASSIVE amts of laundry that need to be done
And I overslept so I rushed to get 3 kids up dressed and fed while dh slept(he was off yesterday works 9-11 today)
In the midst if breakfast and packing lunch my 1 yr old dumped cereal all over the kitchen

Luckily for dh, he cleaned that up while I was driving dd1 to school

But he could have easily also thrown a load of laundry in
Or unloaded the dishes
He works like 80 hrs a week, so I TRY to cut him slack, but sometimes...I just need some help, ya know?

So I wrote down what I NEED him to help with
Dishes, laundry and keeping the kitchen manageable(not spotless, just...workable worthy)

He is off tmw so we will see how it goes

Good luck to you!
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Mommy2KandX
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:30 PM

i did a chore list.... it hasn't really been sucessful.

catngabsmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:35 PM
1 mom liked this

mine were 18 months apart, the first three years were a blur and are all about survival mode. do what what you can each day, it gets easier.

spotsmom
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:46 PM

Get your husband to help more. Seriously, it's that easy.

Mommy2KandX
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:48 PM

I've tried. I guess i just have to balls up

catngabsmom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:01 AM

there is no balls up about it, it truly is survival mode, especially those first six months. unless you have married one of those rare, exceptional guys they don't know what they are doing, they don't know what needs to be done, and they aren't mind readers. if i had waited for my husband to just jump in and do things, i would still be waiting. if you need help in the moment, ask for it. if you feel like things are spiraling out of control at the moment, tell him and the tell him what to do to help you. i had many moments where i went into the laundry room and cried those first three years. why the laundry room? because that was the one place that was gated and i could close the door for a moment and no one could follow me in there. looking back now, i can see that at 18 months old with my oldest dd, i had barely started to figure things out and get into a good rhythm, then i brought another one home. i honestly have no clue how i did it, it was hard, mind numbingly hard! hang in there, i promise you it gets better and easier!! mine are 9.5 and 11 now, i made it through and survived, you will too!!!

Quoting Mommy2KandX:

I've tried. I guess i just have to balls up


Erica


Mom to
Caterina-10.5
Gabriella-9
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