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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Not sure how to proceed with SD

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:16 AM
  • 13 Replies


A little background, soon to be SD is 14 and rapidly turning into the spawn that is a teenage girl.  She lives with her dad (my fiance) and up until he started dating me she ran the house.  I mean down to taking over the large closet in the master bedroom and the master bath. 

Since this school year has started, her attitude has became increasingly worse.  And I know a good chunk of it is her age.  She has decided that she wants to date a senior boy and her dad has really cracked down on her because of this.  He gave her phone back to her today (been grounded for a month), and he told her that if she texts the senior boy she will no longer have a phone.  She got mad and wanted to know why she couldn't text or date the boy and again my fiance told her.  After that she spewed out that she didn't want him to get married, that everything was going to change, and she liked things the way the are. 

Now I'm not worried about my fiance breaking up with me because she is having a fit.  I just don't know how to proceed with her.  Of course I want her to like me and I'm not trying to take her mother's place.  But I do want to get along.  Any suggestions?

Chef Kenzie

baking

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:46 AM
1 mom liked this

I would just back him up while he is doing his best to be a good dad.  I would keep a senior boy away from my 14 yr old as well..   Perhaps share a story from your teen girl years about how boys would want only one thing and that sd should not give in to the pressure.   Are you living with fiancee as well?

mamakenzi
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:14 AM
No, we aren't living together. We are planning on me moving in about a week to two before the wedding.

I have shared my experiences with boys from my teen years, she seemed to get it, then a new day started lol. For the most part she is a really good kid, just a teenager.


Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just back him up while he is doing his best to be a good dad.  I would keep a senior boy away from my 14 yr old as well..   Perhaps share a story from your teen girl years about how boys would want only one thing and that sd should not give in to the pressure.   Are you living with fiancee as well?

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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 3:23 AM

Oh yes I had to navigate the teen years with my guy's one daughter.  I always said i may not be her mom but i am an adult and she needed to follow any rules her dad, mom or i set up.  She was an unstructured teen though.  Her mom let her run wild.

Quoting mamakenzi:

No, we aren't living together. We are planning on me moving in about a week to two before the wedding.

I have shared my experiences with boys from my teen years, she seemed to get it, then a new day started lol. For the most part she is a really good kid, just a teenager.


Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just back him up while he is doing his best to be a good dad.  I would keep a senior boy away from my 14 yr old as well..   Perhaps share a story from your teen girl years about how boys would want only one thing and that sd should not give in to the pressure.   Are you living with fiancee as well?


mamakenzi
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 4:12 AM
DF and I joke that SD is the practice teen, we will have it down by the time that SS as DD get to their teens lol

Quoting frndlyfn:

Oh yes I had to navigate the teen years with my guy's one daughter.  I always said i may not be her mom but i am an adult and she needed to follow any rules her dad, mom or i set up.  She was an unstructured teen though.  Her mom let her run wild.


Quoting mamakenzi:

No, we aren't living together. We are planning on me moving in about a week to two before the wedding.

I have shared my experiences with boys from my teen years, she seemed to get it, then a new day started lol. For the most part she is a really good kid, just a teenager.



Quoting frndlyfn:


I would just back him up while he is doing his best to be a good dad.  I would keep a senior boy away from my 14 yr old as well..   Perhaps share a story from your teen girl years about how boys would want only one thing and that sd should not give in to the pressure.   Are you living with fiancee as well?



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Bleacheddecay
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:12 PM

Maybe you should spend some special time with her.

mamakenzi
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:13 PM
Tried that and she wants no part of it.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

Maybe you should spend some special time with her.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
robyann
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 8:44 PM

 Remember your aren't her mom and you can't be. At this age she needs you to be a friend to her. Take her shopping, or out to run errands, anything. Tell her you want to be friends with her that she can talk to you. It may take some time, but it'll be alot easier to get her to accept you as a friend than as a mother.  GL

chefmartha
by Gold Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:28 PM

Find out what the age of consent is in your state. Then when DF talks to her about why she can't (in our state it's like 18) he can honestly tell her that the reason she and the Senior can't date is for not only her protection but his. I'm sure she doesn't want to ruin his life with a criminal record for statutory rape.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this

You sure don't want to hear this but I wouldn't marry him or live with him until she's off to college. I think blending families is one of the most difficult things in the world.

love-my-tween
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 10:15 PM

When my daughter is 14, the only dates she will be going on are double dates.  The second couple will be me and her dad.  My husband will be the driver, dd boyfriend in the front passenger seat, and I will be in the backseat with my daughter.  Maybe we'll go to Pizza Hut.     

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