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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

PLEASE HELP!!

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:05 PM
  • 10 Replies

How do you tell your 8-year old son that the person who he considers his father and who's raised him since he was 5 months old is not his biological father, but his step-father? Do you think age 8 is an appropriate age to tell him the truth? Should I wait until he's older or should I have done this a long time ago?

My son met his biological father for the first time when he was 5 for about 10 minutes. He's never seen him again since. My husband has been his father since he was 5 months old. If you ask my son who his father is, he'll say my husband's name. My son has never met any of his family members from his biological father's side. All he knows his my family and my husband's family.

I always knew the time for me to tell my son the truth would come, I just didn't know it would come this fast. I don't know if now is the right time, if I should wait a little longer, or if the time for me to tell him the truth has passed.

I'd appreciate all and any advise you ladies can give me. Please, serious answers only. This is a very delicate subject for me.

by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mamakenzi
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:24 PM
Personally he should have known a long time ago. But you need to talk to him.
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mommy404204
by Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:51 PM

My son was told around the age of 4 that my boyfriend is not his father. He did not completly understand but he understood enough and it did not change their relationship. I think you waited alittle too long.

Bleacheddecay
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 12:59 PM

The sooner the better. The longer you wait the worse his sense of your betrayal and lies is going to be.

SouthTxPrincess
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:19 PM
I agree the sooner the better.
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puertoricangeek
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:27 PM

Here is what I would do. (biological)"Father's name" is your father. He is the one that made you, but (current husband's name) is your Dad(dy). 

It doesn't take a lot of effort to become a father, men tdo it every day, it take work and love to be a daddy!

Caitlinsmom09
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 1:29 PM
Bump!!!!
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_justdebby
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:28 PM

 Thanks ladies, for all of you replies. Now here's another question...How should I tell him? I can't just tell him straight up that my husband is not his father.

lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:31 PM
Idk... my stepmom was pregnant when she met my dad. My dad raised her son as his own bc the guy was a POS hit her and shit. He was like young teens when he found out. And he wishes he never knew. He was happy knowing my dad was his dad and it just confused him on why his bio dad was never around, why he didn't love him ect.
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_justdebby
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:36 PM

 This is the kind of reaction I would hope for, but what if he gets angry because he was being lied to. I mean, as I mentioned, my son met his biological father when he was 5 for the first time. So, he has some idea of who "he" is, but I don't think he fully understands the difference of having a father who made him and daddy who raised him. I think he's too young to understand and that's why I've put if off.

the3Rs
by on Oct. 11, 2012 at 2:38 PM
This. My brother, two cousins and I are all adopted. We have always known. It wasn't sprung on us when we were older. Tell him now.

Quoting mamakenzi:

Personally he should have known a long time ago. But you need to talk to him.
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