My husband's father died 3 days ago. He was 86 yrs old and in ill health for some time. Last night the family had a private viewing after which we had family congregate at our house. This morning I had to get 3 kids out of the house for a 10 a.m. funeral followed by a long procession to the burial and back to the church for a sort of informal reception. We had colds and I have a recurrent inner ear infection so when I woke I had vertigo which eventually went away with a decongestant, but not being able to stand on my two feet makes getting ready that much more difficult.
We got back home about 4 pm, fed our kids dinner and our 2 and 3 yr olds fell asleep early having missed their naps. Our 12 year old seemed to adjust to her grandfather's passing well enough; she's already lost all other grandparents. But, she continues to do what she has been doing for quite some time: treating me like she's the mother and I'm the child.
Her incessant nagging, belittling, over sensitivity and downright disrespectfulness are hard enough,but worse, she doesn't listen to me. She's a sweet girl and a good student but every moment we're together I either feel guilty for something, stressed out, or like crap. She's a drama queen, alright. I have to remind myself of her phase but I am having a hard time teaching her what I feel is right.
So here's what she just did, which is pretty typical. After such a day as we had, she complains that the garbage is full. I was relaxing on the computer here and not planning on doing any house cleaning. I ignored her. Then, she takes out the floor vac. Well, I asked her a bunch of times to stop. She was going to wake the babies. My Dh and I wake 1-3x a night, and after all of this, we certainly don't want to be up with toddlers awake. It's 10:30 pm and she is defiantly vacuuming the floor when I said no. She says it's disgusting. Yes, it's dirty, but yes, it can wait til tomorrow. Then she proceeds to want to swiffer it. I told her no, it'd make too much noise, I'm going to bed I dont want the light on from the kitchen waking me. She doesn't have to do this now, or at all. She tells me I should be greatful that she wants to help and I say I am, but not now. Now is not the time.
She grew up an only child untl she was 10, and so all she remembers is a cleaner house because I didn't have two toddlers running around. I could clean better before, but I told her I had the same messy house when SHE was a toddler. She says it's not normal, blah blah blah and I tell her it is.
I get that she's at that age where appearance is EVERYTHING, and she's embarrassed about EVERYTHING. I just get annoyed because she won't listen. Not only that, but she criticizes me which makes me feel lke one of those hoarder women, and I'm not and my house is not dirty like that. She makes me feel awful. She criticizes other things about me. Every time she's awake and everyone else is sleeping and I'm just trying to wind down, she's picking on me or we argue, and she gves me huge anxiety.
I don't know if advice can be given,but just venting made me feel better.