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Am I being childish or do I have a right to be pissed??

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Ok, so my husband is a spur of the moment kinda guy while I like things to be planned. Well, today I planned on taking kids to get flu shots, pumpkin patch and clothes shopping which he knew a wk ago about. SO this morning I get up clean house and get ready. Then he tells me he's going to stay home while I go and clean yard and garage. Yeah ok fine I kinda expected that. Then he goes on to tell me that he's invited people over tonight to watch football and grill steaks. Wth??! Yes I'm the wife and mother so of course I'll be expected to entertain and clean up everyone's mess after I just cleaned my entire house. So I tell him I won't be here. Let me just add that I absolutely hate entertaining 2 birthdays a yr are enough!! I had rather be alone than in a room full of ppl and that's just me. Anyway I just got home from a very long and exhausting day the kids were tired so I put them in bed and I'm laying in my bed (their beds are in our room) while my husband is outside with guests. I know they think I'm being a bitch but I really dont care. This wasn't planned and I'm tired I'm recovering from a wreck and ruptured cyst so yeh I'm in a little pain also. So anyway would u think I was being a bitch or do I have a right to be?? Be honest.
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 8:40 PM
Replies (31-40):
opal10161973
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:25 AM
1 mom liked this

We 'train' people on how we want to be treated.  It's often unconscious, but can be conscious, if we think about it and make boundaries.  Many people have been trained on how to be treated and how to treat others as they grow up.  Some do not.  I was trained to be treated poorly growing up, as that is what I experienced.  As I matured, I realised that is not how I WANT to be treated, so I changed the way I responded to people when they did things I disliked or outright hated.  So, yes, I trained him and he trained me.  I made boundaries and so did he and we love each other too much to violate those boundaries.  As time has passed in our relationship, we have both evolved and so have our boundaries, so we adjust. 

Almost any boundary can be adjusted by simply asking for it, in a constructive way.  I tell him, "It makes me feel upset when you invite people over spur of the moment and I feel like I have to entertain, when I am tired and have made plans a week ago to be running around with the kids all day- that I made sure to tell you about.  It hurts my feelings when you do that.  It's an exhausting day by itself and I really wanted to just come home and relax with you after the kids have gone to bed."  It personalizes your feelings without attacking him. 

Often, it makes enough of an impression, that he will talk it over with you before doing it again.  If he doesn't, then he either A) needs to be reminded or B) really doesn't care.  In the case of A, it can be a time or two to remind him.  In the case of B, then you have a lot more problems to worry about than guests coming over after a long day.  

So, yes, I have trained him.  LOL

Quoting momtotwo08:

Quoting opal10161973:

I would have told my DF no guests were coming over because I already had a long day planned and I was not going to be uncomfortable in my own home. Sorry, honey. Of course, mine is already trained to talk to me before inviting anyone over, so...

IMO it was extremely rude of him to do that to you.

Trained? Lol, how do u do that??! They stayed outside in his shop, until I asked them to come in for a minute to tell them why I wasn't coming out which they understood.


BrennaLyons
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:34 AM

Uh...yeah. I'd be upset. Not that he stayed home and cleaned the yard, because that's contributing to the house, but that he decided to spring the whole grilling and guests things on you last minute. My husband gives me a call and says he's bringing home guests when I'm at home to handle it, but that's because our house was second home to dozens of Navy guys for years. But, he always respected the plans I'd already made and didn't put more on my plate than I had already scheduled without asking first.

alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:53 AM

 i would just say i wasnt feeling good.  but i also wouldnt clean up after them!! they are all grown adults, they can do it themselves!

LABELmeCUTE
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 2:06 AM
As long as you spoke to the guest when you walked in,then I don't see anything wrong with it...now if you just ignored them and didn't even say Hello that's rude....you're tired,you had a long day,& you shouldn't have to entertain his company
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Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:09 AM
1 mom liked this

I think next time maybe he'll check with you first! You are just very different people,introvert and extrovert,and it's bound to cause some problems,try to just remember why you married him and love him anyway.And know that to him,being social "feeds" him as much as alone time makes you happy.

Sunshine257
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like something I would do. I don't like entertaining people. I am sure it is probably rude.. I don't care if I wasn't informed ahead of time not my
Problem.
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mamamiajk
by Platinum Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:19 PM

From from what you said he should count himself lucky he's not with a bitch like me. Set the rules and carry them out. You sure don't need another "child"

BabyJo
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:47 PM

It's more acceptable to atleast say 'Hi and Goodnight' to the people that are at your house.  That doesn't take any effort and its the polite thing to do.  My husband would come home from work during a leadership meeting of mine, at our house, for a club I was in.  It was all women and he wasn't expected or even invited to hang out with us; BUT I would be embarrassed if he didn't atleast give a wave and a 'Hi' and acknowledged our guests before going to another area of the house.  It's just the polite thing to do.  

Having said that; everyone does things that are not polite sometimes and then realize it after the fact.  In the future I would just wave and say goodnight, you're tired- whatever and go to bed.  Also your husband should most definitley be cleaning up after himself and his friends.  That is a whole other issue! :)

Gabeys_Mommy
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:49 PM
You're far nicer than I would have been. I would've expected him to go with, especially to the pumpkin patch. I'm sorry, but we do things as a family when possible.
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vegepunkstr
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:51 PM
I dont think you are being a bitch. My husbands friends couldnt care less if I hang out with them or not. If he invites people over he deals with it.
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