Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

How much should my husband do?

Posted by   + Show Post

We have an odd situation.  My husband was transferred to work in MN, 6 hours away from any of our family.  So we moved.  We have no friends/family around, with the exception of one very busy friend.  I am a SAHM and student.  He works 4 days on, 4 days off.  13 hour shifts, overnights, he runs a Walmart.  I do all the housework, meals, bills, and pet care (we have a dog and cat).  We always argue over how much he should have to pitch in with watching our son.  We don't get breaks at all, unless we travel to visit our families.  On the days he works, we see him maybe an hour, and he is a zombie (not good for conversation!).  His first day off, he is...a zombie.  I know he is working hard, but I want him to do more with our son, or do the dishes once a week or something.  What should I be able to ask from him that is fair?  

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Replies (21-30):
ShannieP
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:54 AM
He should WANT to spend time with his son and he should help you out. Everyone needs a break sometimes!

PS, I moved to MN with no friends as well! We have MIL and SIL but they both hate me, lol
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KRIZZ25
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:55 AM
I WOULD GIVE HIM HIS FIRST DAY TO GET REST( JUST IN TILL U GET ALL GET OVER MOVING AND SETTLED) ..BUT AFTER THAT HIS ASS WILL HELP..PARENTS DONT GET DAYS OFF ..TELL HIM U NEED TIME OFF TO..HE CAN WATCH UR LO ONE OF HIS DAYS OFF FOR A FEW HOURS ..IT WONT KILL HIM.. MAYBE U SHOULD GET A PART TIME JOB AND PUT LO IN DAYCARE FOR FEW DAYS A WEEK..
ShannieP
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:56 AM
That daycare thing you said is INSANE! My MIL charges less than $200/week. She doesn't even charge $300 for an infant!!

Quoting mmccrea:



Quoting katamike:

 If you are a sahm, When he works, expect nothing, Especially with such long hours!Yes we as sahm's work longer hours than that, but we are at home, and if we get that tired, we can sit down and have a break. Ever tried cleaning nonstop with a 1/2 hr break for 13 hours straight? i have never cleaned that long without a break longer than 30 mins. I used to work and lemme tell you, when you work a 12hr shift, the Last thing you want to do is work when you get home.We all too often forget about that. Give him that first day off of rest, then come to an agreement, if you are feeling overwhelmed and need some breaks, and he doesnt want to pitch in, tell him how you feel. Go on a family outing on a day off.. Give him little things to do with ds and ask him to help you vaccum or do up the dishes while your making supper, or sit down to fold laundry and see if he will help you fold.Then he will feel like he is not being pressured into it. I try not to ask to much of my Dh, after all, he is the reason i am able to be a sahm. Without him, i would be the one working long hours and never getting to see my kids. :( Hope that helps...

I didn't want to be a SAHM, but in MN we have some of the highest cost of childcare.  I was offered a job for $15/hour, and couldn't accept because after childcare costs it would have not been worth it!  (Avg. weekly daycare cost exceeds $300 here!)  But I like the small steps thing, and not feeling pressured.  He does not take well to nagging.  

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KRIZZ25
by Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 12:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I,MA SINGLE MOM..I DON'T GET TIME OFF FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR ..;LOL
mmccrea
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 1:10 AM

Do you live by the Twin Cities??  I feel like he should want to spend more time with Eli too.  Eli is a very good toddler, and does the funniest things, but he's really missing out. :(  I wish my MIL would hate me.  She calls all the time.

Quoting ShannieP:

He should WANT to spend time with his son and he should help you out. Everyone needs a break sometimes!

PS, I moved to MN with no friends as well! We have MIL and SIL but they both hate me, lol


ShannieP
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 9:01 AM
I live in a suburb of the cities :)
Dh IS missing out and that's a shame :(


Quoting mmccrea:

Do you live by the Twin Cities??  I feel like he should want to spend more time with Eli too.  Eli is a very good toddler, and does the funniest things, but he's really missing out. :(  I wish my MIL would hate me.  She calls all the time.


Quoting ShannieP:

He should WANT to spend time with his son and he should help you out. Everyone needs a break sometimes!



PS, I moved to MN with no friends as well! We have MIL and SIL but they both hate me, lol


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mmccrea
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:08 AM

We live in Forest Lake, MN.  

Quoting ShannieP:

I live in a suburb of the cities :)
Dh IS missing out and that's a shame :(


Quoting mmccrea:

Do you live by the Twin Cities??  I feel like he should want to spend more time with Eli too.  Eli is a very good toddler, and does the funniest things, but he's really missing out. :(  I wish my MIL would hate me.  She calls all the time.


Quoting ShannieP:

He should WANT to spend time with his son and he should help you out. Everyone needs a break sometimes!



PS, I moved to MN with no friends as well! We have MIL and SIL but they both hate me, lol



mrs_smiph
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:18 AM

Does he ask you to do housework? If not, don't ask him to do anything. I remember the first time I asked my husband to do something (as I'm a SAHM too). He laughed and told me that he's the man of the house and he can clearly see what needs to be done and he'll do it when he's good and ready. LOL I'd never thought of it like that and now I don't ask him to do a thing (unless it's nothing to do with house/kids) and I love that about him. I've always wanted a real man - head of household...not some man-child that I have to raise and tell him every little thing to do.

I'd say, respect your husband (telling him you respect him and his efforts for your family wouldn't hurt, either) and give him space to relax and not be pressured to help. After all, home is where you'd like him to want to be, right? Keep a positive attitude and life will go more smoothly.



MommyBoha
by Christy on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:00 AM
My DH works insane hours, sometimes up to 70ish hours a week. I dont ask him for any help(except maybe washing DD's hair, I have severe hand exzema and cant have my hands wet much at all) All I ask of him is to pick up after himself. On his days off, he cooks(he loves it) and helps me with whatever I need.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 14, 2012 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
His 4 days off he should help out. You should leave the kids with A LOT.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN