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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

spanking? yelling?

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:03 PM
  • 77 Replies

there are times when i raise my voice because it seems like nothing else works, at times she gets a pat on the butt, but i cant help but feel completely guilty after. 

now what i am asking is when is the proper time to use spanking and yelling, even if it is a low yell?

and what are some things that you use for a toddler that seems to never listen? i love my daughter with all my heart but nothing really seems to work. im starting to lose my mind a bit. 

by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:07 PM
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Time outs and a low firm voice worked best when my dd was in toddler stage.  Children are good at tuning out yelling.  Spanking we reserved for dangerous situations like running into road or touching a sharp object.  Consistency works best for a toddler so choose a discipline method and stick to that one. It will most likely not be an instant fix or cure for misbehavior.

AleaKat
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:08 PM
When you figure it out let me know iv got some stubborn boys
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Aurora-Dove
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:14 PM
1 mom liked this

My DS is pretty well behaved but he's not hit the 2 year mark yet, he's 19 months. The only time I really spank is when he is doing something dangerous. If he is standing on top of a chair, or trying to play with electrical outlets, or his most recent activity standing on the couch and faceplanting into a pillow, I will pop his bottom or hand to get his attention (never hard enough to hurt him). For the most part though a very firm NO usually does the trick. They say redirection works. I have not found this to be true with my DS, when he gets his mind set on something, he is set that he is going to do it. A firm voice or counting normally gets his attention. He whines for a minute then usually stops. I also have an unusual case of My kid doesn't know how to throw a fit lol. His fits include him slowly lowering himself to the floor (he tried throwing himself but realized it hurt) then rolling around for about 30 seconds and whining. Or occasionally shaking his head back and forth with the saddest little pouty lip I've ever seen and saying no no no no no for about 10 seconds then he's over it. He has never really pitched a good fit lol.

CoeyG
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:22 PM
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I don't believe there is a proper time for any time of abuse whether physical or emotional and whether you think it is or not in my opinion spanking and yelling are emotional abusse.  Defined  in dictionaries spanking is considered "striking a blow"  and striking a blow is defined as "hitting" There is no approriate time to hit a child, unless you want them to learn to hit back.  And yelling just is a waste.  

Small children don't have the cognative or retentive powers that adults do.  Small children don't remember five minutes what you told them ten minutes ago.  So you are going to have to repeat yourself at least ten thousand times the same thing until one day it magically sinks in.  If you have to resort to yelling or hitting then the problem isn't with the child.  I suggest putting the child in time out so that you can have a time out and calm down.  You need to step away from the "problem" and you have to remember this is a small child, not a mineature adult and she is going to think like a child, not like an adult.  You have to use the same form of discipline over and over and over, consitently and not keep changing because that to a small child is confusing, and if you have to, take some anger managment courses because hitting and yelling aren't forms of discipline,m they are forms of abuse.

outtamymynd
by Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 7:26 PM
4 moms liked this
Uh my two year old remembers things that happened months ago. Kids know what's going on, give them a little more credit. And end the crap that spanking is abuse. It isn't. I don't spank either so save it.

Quoting CoeyG:

I don't believe there is a prober time for any time of abuse whether physical or emotional and whether you think it is or not in my opinion spanking and yelling are emotional abusse.  Defined  in dictionaries spanking is considered "striking a blow"  and striking a blow is defined as "hitting" There is no approriate time to hit a child, unless you want them to learn to hit back.  And yelling just is a waste.  

Small children don't have the cognative or retentive powers that adults do.  Small children don't remember five minutes what you told them ten minutes ago.  So you are going to have to repeat yourself at least ten thousand times the same thing until one day it magically sinks in.  If you have to resort to yelling or hitting then the problem isn't with the child.  I suggest putting the child in time out so that you can have a time out and calm down.  You need to step away from the "problem" and you have to remember this is a small child, not a mineature adult and she is going to think like a child, not like an adult.  You have to use the same form of discipline over and over and over, consitently and not keep changing because that to a small child is confusing, and if you have to, take some anger managment courses because hitting and yelling aren't forms of discipline,m they are forms of abuse.

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robyann
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 8:04 PM

 I have spanked and I have yelled...but I don't think those are very effective ways to discipline. Use a firm voice, not a high pitched scream. Spanking should be for  extremely dangerous things, like running into the street, or chewing on an electrical cord. The key to discipline is consistance. Pick whatever form you want to use and stick to it. Even when you think they aren't getting it, they do better when things are predictable.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 8:22 PM
3 moms liked this

I always found counting to three,then a time out, or a firm smack on the butt,it's got to hurt a little or it's meaningless,worked very well. Just be consistant and after a few times once you start counting they will straighten up.

maureen813
by Member on Oct. 16, 2012 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this
I woukd strongly recommend to you the book, The Happiest Toddler. On the Block", it is loaded with great ideas for dealing with very young children and some of their more challenging behaviors.
mmccrea
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 11:05 PM

Spanking is never okay.  They say that in the American Academy of Pediatrics book now that hitting is definitely damaging to the child.  I would discourage yelling too.  I always talk in a calm voice to my son.  If he continues to act up, I give him a time out.  However many years old=minutes in time out, or until they calm down.  Consistency is a definite help too.  Sorry you have a toddler that is acting up.  

Momma_panda90
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 11:15 PM
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Quoting mmccrea:

Spanking is never okay.  They say that in the American Academy of Pediatrics book now that hitting is definitely damaging to the child.  I would discourage yelling too.  I always talk in a calm voice to my son.  If he continues to act up, I give him a time out.  However many years old=minutes in time out, or until they calm down.  Consistency is a definite help too.  Sorry you have a toddler that is acting up.  

thank you first off for not being rude about the whole question. i never stated that i hit my child hard enough to hurt her. i am a yeller but i never actually hit. its a light pat and a stern voice, i have heard that hitting can cause certain mental illnesses but it is different for each kid. i neither have a opinion on hitting not hitting. its a messy debate. every woman has the right to raise their kids the way they want 

but thank you again for the advice

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