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What Should I Do??

Posted by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 5:18 AM
  • 8 Replies

So my ex and I have been broken up for almost a year now, and we have a 17 month old son together. Since we split he has gotten back into to drugs and and landed himself in jail a few times. Well since June of this year I have not heard from him, hasn't called to check on the baby or anything. Well I resently descovered that not only is he back in jail he is most likely looking at prison time and missing a huge chunk of his son's life. Not too long about talking to his mother about it, the letter showed up. Pretty much saying that he's sorry, and trying to tell me that what I heard is not all true (mind you it hit local news). He also asked me to send him pictures of our son, which is fine. But the more I think about it the more I wonder if he wasn't in jail and looking like he won't get out anytime soon, would I even be hearing from him?? I feel like he's trying to pull the feel sorry for me card. And don't get me wrong I have no prooblem sending pictures and updates, it's just pisses me off that he makes these shitty choices in his life and wants to say sorry and think of his son after I feel is too late. Let me know what you think. Thanks!!

by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 5:18 AM
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by Gold Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 6:58 AM

I wouldn't give that loser a damn thing!!   YOu don't hear from his for how long?? then all of a sudden NOW he wants pics and saying he's sorry??  yeah, he's sorry alrite... a sorry loser...tell him when he gets outta jail and cleans himself up, gets a life, and a job,  then maybe he can work on getting to know his son, IF the courts allow it. 

by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Sweetie drugs can be a hell of a brother got real bad into it and so did my ex and when things in your life get outa control like a relationship ending and not being round ur kid as much as possible a user tends to feel guilt and run to things that they feel/think will take that pain away.iv been round addicts my whole life and have a better understanding about why.tho it is wrong ppl shldnt be so quick to say horrible things.they need help and its harder then most think to get outa the hole. My brother has such a wonderful heart and is an amazing man.when his babymama disapeared with his son he was lost and didn't knw what to do and all he cld feel was depression and the feeling of being undiserving of being a he didn't even try to find him and got horribly into drugs and depression mixed alsmost killed him.he went to jail for a few months for something he didn't do (they let him go cause they got more evidence sayin he wasn't at fault) and the time he was in there he was able to get clean and realize what life is and what he needs to do.he came out so healthy and so much more clear headed and with my help we found his ex and I parted because I quit the drugs and he didn't. He is still the father of my girls regaurdless of bad choices and he gets pics and updates all the time.he is living in a dif state and ended up spiraling down like my bro.he now is lookin for work and is not using and plans to become a better dad for his girls. What I'm tryin to say is ppl who use drugs are not bad ppl they r just takin a bad path and have to want to find a better one. Him being in jail for awhile will open his eyes and I do believe that yes u shld send pics and updates as much as possible because that will also help him recover and possibly get a huge smack in the face about life. Good luck me if u wna talk more.iv been there thru a lot with all this. Hugs
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by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:25 AM

Only you can make that decision, but you have to ask yourself if he is the type of influence you want in your childs life. At this point, the most important thing should be what is in the best  interest of your child.

Good luck mama!!

by Gold Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:33 AM
You picked him to have a child with. Whether you like it or not your stuck with him. Of course when he is sober he will be sorry. That is the nature of the beast. Stop wasting time trying to figure out is motivation because only he really knows the truth of it and it shouldn't make any differance on sending some pics and updates. If you really need to spend time assuming things turn it positive and think how maybe the pics and the updates may be the one thing that gives him hope and strength to stay sober and use his time wisely. Because contrary to popular belief you cant really replace him. Try to model gracious, compassionate, thoughtful behavior for your don. Having fun raised 3 myself to adulthood dealing with the horrible choices of the idiot I had kids with I know first hand what that behavior in the long run with mean to your child.

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by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:52 AM

What do you care, he is your ex.  So you get a letter saying he is sorry, If they bother you so much just toss them in the garbage when you recieve them and don't open them.  Continue to send photos and updates but don't get emotional (No "he misses his daddy" stuff).  Stpp trying tp get inside his head, stop trying to second guess him.  It doesn't matter, he is your ex move on.

by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 7:55 PM

Honey if you are okay sending photos it may just help him see what he has lost by using drugs & it could help him recover.  It may not but as long as you don't invest in his recovery other than these photos then you will have done your part in trying to help him.  Just don't let him think you are a pushover and start asking you to write to him etc, he made his bed he must lie in it. x

by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 8:10 PM

If the roles were reversed how would you want to be treated? Treat him that way. Everybody makes mistakes but some people get caught (or caught up) and pay the price. He earned his turn in jail and/or prison so he'll do his time but someday he will get out and having you as an ally can only benefit you, him and your child when it's time for him to start his life over. Plus, if you show your son that it is better to be compassionate and kind than hard and cruel he will learn a valuable lesson and hopefully become a better man.

by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 8:29 PM

 I'd be very angry with him too. It does seem like he's trying to get you to feel sorry for him now. You don't owe him anything!! He made the choices that lead him to jail, he chose those things over his son. Him saying he's sorry now doesn't even matter, he didn't come to you a month or so ago, and say he was sorry and cared about his son. I have a son whose father was like that, he chose drugs over his son, he was always in and out of jail, expecting me to bring his son to see him when he didn't even bother to see him when he was out. I went through so much frustration and heart break. My son is now 22 and I don't have to deal with his father, but he does, he now does the same thing to my son, asking him for money and rides,  asking him to come visit him in jail. Sometimes I think it would have been better if my ds had never known who his father was. I don't know really what to tell you, I just hope you aren't going through all this same stuff for the next 18 years. GL

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