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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I just can't handle my seven year old!!!!!

Posted by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 9:48 PM
  • 8 Replies

I am the mother of three...Seven, five, and three months. I love being a Mom and I have always wanted kids but somedays I just feel so defeated after dealing with my seven year old. He has always been a difficult child. I keep hoping he will grow out of this stage but it never seems to change...He complains and cries about everything and everything is a battle with him...getting ready for school, doing his homework, what he eats for dinner. Now I am well aware that most children cry to get their way but shouldn't he be growing out of this? I feel like I am always fighting with him... I have a wonderful relationship with my youngest son and my daughter but for some reason I can't seem to mend my relationship with him. I love him very much and tell him all the time but I feel as though he is going to grow up and hate me and I don't want that. Any advice would be appreciated! THANKS!!!

by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 9:48 PM
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Replies (1-8):
snowangel1979
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Take the fight away. I know easier said then done.

Homework as soon as he gets home. Do homework or sit there all night. His choice.

This is what I made for dinner. Eat or your excused, breakfast is in the morning.
Get dressed for school or go in your p.j's.

Don't fight. Just take the fight away. If he tries to, Just walk away. Let it be his choice. He'll push it a few times and then he'll get the picture. My DS who's 8 loves to argue. That child will argue with you if you try saying the sky is blue. LOL. We joke that he's going to make a great lawyer or politician, when he gets older.
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MOM_OF_THREE365
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:07 PM

Thank you so much for the response...I have tried this approach with him...and I always stick to my guns. I never give into him but yet he stills fights with me on everything. I have even tried to get my husband and my Dad (he loves and respects my Dad more than anyone) to talk with him but he just puts on a smile for them and saves all his frustration for me..It makes me feel like the worst Mom ever :(

CoeyG
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

You identified the problem yourself...you said you are always fighting with him.  Stop fighting with him.  Adopt the "I don't argue, I don't negotiate and I don't explain" attitude.  If you say "no" keep it at that, say No and then walk away.  If eh wants to argue point him to the wall and tell him to argue with the wall, then grabe a set of headphones.  When he whines, tell him from the start that you are not going to listen to him if he whines, then if he continues, ignore him.  Grab those headphones if you have to.  At dinner if he doesn't want to eat what is placed on the table, excuse him from the table and do not offer him anything else.  Tell him the next time he can eat will be breakfast in the morning.  He is not going to starve to death going to bed hungry.  

By responding to his whines and arguing and fighting with him you have put him in control.  You need to get that control back.  

daniegrrl
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:28 PM

I am living in a house with 6 children. I don't know what it is but once they reach a certain age they seem to think they are grown. I have recently put a strike and demerit system in place. I have listed the rules and put them on the wall where they can all see them and their names on a dry erase strip so that I can put the X's up and down easily and they can see them. This weekend since they seem to want to be cheeky I'm making them write the definitions of all the rules 5 x's each and they have no privileges until it is done. If you get a demerit you are grounded or lose something.

As for food, breaking things and so on they get deducted money for what is wasted, stolen or broken from anything extra they may have done or goten and this includes birthday and christmas presents.

It is all a trial and error but the one thing you need to do is maintain that you are the parent and they are the child. I tell my children that "This is not a democracy it's a momocracy" What I say goes. I refuse to argue with my children and it may sound cruel but I will ignore them if they want to go on and one and if the behavior gets too bad I will put my child out of the house and on the porch. I have told them that this is not behavior I will tolerate in my house and when they are ready to change they can come in. I then make them write an apology letter to me for the behavior. If they leave I tell them that the cops will be called and they will eb reported as a runaway.

I know this is a lot and you can respond how you like but I am a mother of 8 with my children ranging from 4-17 and this plan seems to be working so far. Good luck.

daniegrrl
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:31 PM

Because I said so is often used in my house.

Quoting CoeyG:

You identified the problem yourself...you said you are always fighting with him.  Stop fighting with him.  Adopt the "I don't argue, I don't negotiate and I don't explain" attitude.  If you say "no" keep it at that, say No and then walk away.  If eh wants to argue point him to the wall and tell him to argue with the wall, then grabe a set of headphones.  When he whines, tell him from the start that you are not going to listen to him if he whines, then if he continues, ignore him.  Grab those headphones if you have to.  At dinner if he doesn't want to eat what is placed on the table, excuse him from the table and do not offer him anything else.  Tell him the next time he can eat will be breakfast in the morning.  He is not going to starve to death going to bed hungry.  

By responding to his whines and arguing and fighting with him you have put him in control.  You need to get that control back.  


MicheleJM
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2012 at 10:40 PM

This, and when he does do something without a fight, praise him.  Tell him you appreciate it when he does his homework without a fight.  Set up an reward system.  Pick one behavor you want him to change, say do his homework without a fight.  He can pick when he would like to do it but at that time he needs to carry through without a fight.  If he does so for a week then he can have movie night with mom and a pizza, or an outing to somewhere fun in the weekend.  You can even make it he has to do his homework without a fight for 3 nights, or he earns stars and when he gets five he gets the reward.  But it should be something fun the two of you do together so you all can bond.  As he gets that behavior down you can work on something else.  GL

Quoting CoeyG:

You identified the problem yourself...you said you are always fighting with him.  Stop fighting with him.  Adopt the "I don't argue, I don't negotiate and I don't explain" attitude.  If you say "no" keep it at that, say No and then walk away.  If eh wants to argue point him to the wall and tell him to argue with the wall, then grabe a set of headphones.  When he whines, tell him from the start that you are not going to listen to him if he whines, then if he continues, ignore him.  Grab those headphones if you have to.  At dinner if he doesn't want to eat what is placed on the table, excuse him from the table and do not offer him anything else.  Tell him the next time he can eat will be breakfast in the morning.  He is not going to starve to death going to bed hungry.  

By responding to his whines and arguing and fighting with him you have put him in control.  You need to get that control back.  


savingtheworld
by on Oct. 23, 2012 at 11:13 PM
It's the middle child syndrome! U have to pick your battles..my middle child is the same, I'm super close with my oldest an youngest..but my middle son an I,well its difficult..its always been a fight to get him dress home work etc..he's 11 now..I realize he is pacific about things, so I never buy he's cloths unless he is with me he has to try them on! Also has an issue about socks, he also picks those out too.. home work was a big problem that would turn in to a yelling match, well he requested that he b allowed to do it n the closet? Ok as long as it gets done, so every day after school he goes to he's closet! When he's finished he brings it to me an we go over it? Crazy? But it is working!
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LAmom2three
by on Oct. 24, 2012 at 4:08 AM

I understand.  I have a "difficult" child too, very strong willed.  The best advice I can give you is, pick your battles. And when you do, you don't have the option of losing.  When you "lose" on something you decided is worth fighting over, your child sees you as weak.  I know it can be exhausting.  There are lots of books on parenting strong willed childen.  Just be careful at picking you battles so you have some time for your other kids.  For my son, a battle would be that he would wear a winter coat when he goes outside when it's snowing.  Him bringing his cup of juice outside (while I didn't like it) wasn't worth the battle.

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