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Denying cheating but too many signs

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My family recently moved.into a new house 2 months ago. My brother lives with us. He met a neighbor and introduced him and his wife to my dh. Dh introduced them to me and we all became friend even our kids played together and the wife would gives them rides to school. Well I stated noticing that my dh was spending alot of time at their house they would smoked together and play a video game but she was always around. I started noticing that she was doing wierd things and shying away from me but texting and calling my dh even about little things. I told him she liked her and he denied it saying he dont pay attention to her. so many things have happened that its too many to list..but one day she text his phone that shge need him in the worst wat and I went crazy I flipped out!!! My dh says he dont know why and her dh ors just acting kind of wierd and nonchalant. she apologized nd says my dh did nothing...nd her dh says nothing happened. The day everything happened I had to work that evening and my dh called her and talked for almost an hour. He says he was trying to find out what was going on (she gave me 3 different reasons all pointing all of the blame on her) but I feel betrayed!!! By both of them...it seems estuarine he goes out the door or I'm not with him I get a, sinking feeling. I think that they may b talking from her dh phone then I think that they are having 3somes or her dh is just allowing this and dont care. He is still friend with her dh and even goes over there to smoke and play game with her dh despite my wishes for him not, to. He told me to b cordial to her for the kids sake (they still play together) my dh told met nothing happend and has admitted to talking to" her on phone. she would vent and rag on her dh all the time and says she wanted my dh to talk to him about things to give advice. I'm confused and hurt but I feel like they slept together. I dont want to over analyze the situation but it seems something is going on...he says I just need to trust him and not put her actions on him......my heart shatters everyday.....
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by on Oct. 27, 2012 at 11:07 AM
Replies (31-34):
holland0226
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 11:49 AM

I understand you really wnat to believe in him and trust him and I too am a Christian wife, BUT I know my husband would NOT put me in this situation to begin with. I can tell him things and he takes them into consideration and adjusts or talks about it with me accordingly. We RESPECT each other enough to listen and consider each others feelings. One of my favorite books is 'The Purpose Driven Wife', and while I try to be a good wife, I know God does not want me to be walked on or miserable with my chioce of mate. I am sorry to say but it sounds like if you stay with this man you may be walked on, hurt and emotionally broken down. That  that shouldn't happen with someone who truly loves and values you. Good luck.

Quoting Stephyday:

I have been with him for 8 years before we got engaged. I know his heart and I know the man he can be and I'm trying to be servant like and trust that he is doing the right thing. Yes I agree I have thought about saying well if she is that important to you then you marry her but I honestly want him to take care of it on his own and not force him to make the decision. Does that make sense? Idk. I'm a Christian and I believe that my ring represents commitment and I feel like he will make the right choice if not forced


Quoting holland0226:

Not to be rude, but do you think you should be getting married to this guy? Throw him back in the pond, you deserve better.

Quoting Stephyday:

I feel you on so many levels. My fiancée basically told me he is going to be friends with this girl even tho I'm uncomfortable with it and I'm not going to tell him who he can be friends with. They had feelings for one another before we got engaged and they met when we were taking a "break" and he said she helped him through a very tough time and he doesn't want to lose out on a good friendship because of my insecurities. But he lies to me about when he talks to her and calls her behind my back. He said its the principle of the situation and if I left him alone about it he would have to lie and it will probably fade out on its own




stepconfused182
by Kelley on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:29 PM

 Your DH is cheating. If it's not physical (which is a completely naive idea to entertain), then he is at the very least having an emotional affair. No two married individuals talk as often as the two of them without there being more to the relationship. Trust your instincts and do something about it. Tell your DH to cut off all ties with this woman or he needs to leave. Stick to your guns.  

By the way, what does your brother think about the situation since he obviously knows this other couple and introduced you all to each other?

Stephyday
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:08 PM
I have that book. It's a great one. I know what your saying and I do feel those things. I feel in a marriage it takes sacrafise and honoring the other person and I feel he has not done this. It's to late to one day feel broken because I feel that now. I know his heart but at this point I can't trust him


Quoting holland0226:

I understand you really wnat to believe in him and trust him and I too am a Christian wife, BUT I know my husband would NOT put me in this situation to begin with. I can tell him things and he takes them into consideration and adjusts or talks about it with me accordingly. We RESPECT each other enough to listen and consider each others feelings. One of my favorite books is 'The Purpose Driven Wife', and while I try to be a good wife, I know God does not want me to be walked on or miserable with my chioce of mate. I am sorry to say but it sounds like if you stay with this man you may be walked on, hurt and emotionally broken down. That  that shouldn't happen with someone who truly loves and values you. Good luck.

Quoting Stephyday:

I have been with him for 8 years before we got engaged. I know his heart and I know the man he can be and I'm trying to be servant like and trust that he is doing the right thing. Yes I agree I have thought about saying well if she is that important to you then you marry her but I honestly want him to take care of it on his own and not force him to make the decision. Does that make sense? Idk. I'm a Christian and I believe that my ring represents commitment and I feel like he will make the right choice if not forced





Quoting holland0226:

Not to be rude, but do you think you should be getting married to this guy? Throw him back in the pond, you deserve better.

Quoting Stephyday:

I feel you on so many levels. My fiancée basically told me he is going to be friends with this girl even tho I'm uncomfortable with it and I'm not going to tell him who he can be friends with. They had feelings for one another before we got engaged and they met when we were taking a "break" and he said she helped him through a very tough time and he doesn't want to lose out on a good friendship because of my insecurities. But he lies to me about when he talks to her and calls her behind my back. He said its the principle of the situation and if I left him alone about it he would have to lie and it will probably fade out on its own






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moogsmom03
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 10:15 PM

If your gut tells you something is going on then something is going on. Denying it and rationalizing it is your minds way of protecting you from it all hitting at once and everything falling to pieces all at the same time. It's just too much to handle. I know from experience. Go with your gut and find out what you need to.

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