Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Dealing with religious Mother-in-law

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 8:47 PM
  • 16 Replies

My mother-in-law is Christian and very outspoken with her beliefs. She is actively involved with the church and will  throw scripture into any conversation. My husband was raised this way, however he does not live a Christian life and we do not attend church. I was raised Christian, but stopped going to church in middle school and I do not consider myself religious at all.

Latley, my mother-in-law has been asking me some very personal questions in regards to our 5 month old son. For example, "What will you do if he is gay?" "How are you going to discipline him." I gave her my honest answers for both questions, telling her I will love him no matter what if he is gay and I believe homosexuality starts from birth. Her response was giving me a bunch of scripture and how homosexuality is not God's plan. 

I know the day is coming when she is going to ask me how we are going to raise our son in terms of religon/faith. I am looking for advice on how to approach this topic. I do not want to direspect her, but at the same time I want her to know we are not raising him to be Christian and I really do not want her to start taking him to church and telling him Christianity is what he has to believe. My husband says he agrees our son can make his own choice as he gets older, but doesn't see the harm in putting him in sunday school as a yoiung child just for some guidance. That is something we are working through as parents. 

My husband has told me I should just tell his mother what I believe, but of course that is easy for him to say because he has dealt with her his whole life. She is a very loud, opinionated and pushy woman. 

Not sure how to approach this topic. She can be very intimidating. 




by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 8:47 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 4, 2012 at 8:51 PM

I'm not sure how to answer. Maybe just tell her your beliefs and what you plan to do or not.

jillbailey26
by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 8:53 PM
2 moms liked this

Tell her you're going to present many options to him, when the time is right, and allow him to choose for himself.  That way he knows he's making the right decision for him.  If she gets pushy, tell her it's non-negotiable.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

xoxRachelxox
by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 8:56 PM
5 moms liked this

I'm not a religious person at all but my in laws go to church every Sunday. I had my kids baptized more for them than my dh and I. I figured it couldn't hurt and it meant a lot to them. 

They take my boys for one weekend every three months or so and when they go with them, they go to church. I don't mind. It's something that means a lot to my in laws and my kids can make whatever choices they want to when they're older. If that means church, than I'm all for it.

Like you said, your dh was raised with her and still isn't religious so what will it hurt?


caro100
by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 9:19 PM

I am a believer, as in Jesus the Christ..  However, I also know that many people do not feel that way,  I also know that you don't have to go to church every Sunday to be saved.  It sounds as if you had a poor experience growing up going to church, or you still may be in the throes of rebellion,  doesn't matter to me.  If you don't guide your children in some belief system, truthfully they'll grow with no real belief system at all..   Church is a hospital for sinners, of which we all are.  It is in the prime directive so to speak that we are to let all the world know the good news, so in her lame way your MIL is trying to give you The Word.  Her motives are pure, so take it as such.  I agree with your husband that letting them take him to church will not hurt and it will smoothe the way for your MIL, because I am sure it bothers her that her son and you are not in church.  I don't attend regularly, but I know that the ceiling is not going  fall down.  The way I see it, you are the one that is being closed minded.  I too was in rebellion, until my early thirties.  I was raised in church, then grew up went to college and decided it was bogus.  I went my own way for years and God let me go do my thing, but then I had my Damascus Road experience and could deny HIS existence no more. What I'm saying is, even if you aren't ready at least let you children have some exposure.  God will come to you in his own good time if it his will and yours of course..  Sorry to all of you pagans out there. who will want to crucify me.  

mamacass260
by on Nov. 4, 2012 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a roman catholic and my boyfriend was brought up mormon. His mother still attends LDS and my daughter and I attend catholic church. We felt it was important for her to know both sides of our family and she goes with his mom every once in a while. However, I feel unwelcomed going to church with his family so my daughter only goes once in a while. It is in all day event for his family (the chuch is about an hour away). But it was OUR decision (as in my boyfriend and I) to raise her this way.  My boyfriend's mom is very vocal about her believes and has been known to offend us quite often, espeically lately with the election, but she has gotten used to us telling her to respect our views as much as we respect hers.

Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2012 at 10:02 PM
2 moms liked this

I was raised in a very restrictive church. At one time I bought into the idea that church going would help kids know right from wrong. I no longer believe that. Now I know how wrong I was. A sense of right and wrong is easy to understand and follow. Religion is not needed. I believe going to church as a child is an indoctrination and brain washing now. I don't think religion in general is good for society.

So I would tell my MIL what I felt. I would not let my MIL talk about religion in my house around my kids or take them to her church. JMO.

hoopinspearit
by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 9:23 AM

Thanks to those of you who addressed my question and did not make assumptions :)

AleaKat
by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 9:56 AM
We are the same way and my family especially my grandmother like to make "suggestions"
Bottom line is that it's your child and if she can't respect that then she doesn't have to be involved. Plain and simple.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AleaKat
by on Nov. 5, 2012 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Love your state if mind we feel the same way.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I was raised in a very restrictive church. At one time I bought into the idea that church going would help kids know right from wrong. I no longer believe that. Now I know how wrong I was. A sense of right and wrong is easy to understand and follow. Religion is not needed. I believe going to church as a child is an indoctrination and brain washing now. I don't think religion in general is good for society.

So I would tell my MIL what I felt. I would not let my MIL talk about religion in my house around my kids or take them to her church. JMO.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
1L2CMommy
by Member on Nov. 5, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Let your DH handle her. If she asks you a question directly, you can either answer her honestly and not challenge or engage her further, or tell her you are uncomfortable talking to her about this because you don't want to fight with her, but she is welcome to discuss it with her son.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)