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Should I stay or should I go???

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Well I moved back to Michigan to be with my family because we have a larger number of family members here rather than im Pennsylvania (we meaning my husband, my daughter and I) but we have been here since July and have yet to find a job that can support us so we are with my mom. I have had some negative feed back about being with my mom and complaining but im to the point where I can not mentally take it anymore but I do not know what to do, on one side of my mind I think we should stay here and try and stick it out and the other side of my mind says to go where we can get financial help from my mother in law until we can make it on our own but my husband and I had to go and complicate things by getting pregnant again, and i know that we should have waited so please leave it to me to say that. I already know that while living with family is not the time nor place for it. but the fact of the matter is that its done and over with and im pregnant so that aside, I dont know if we should go back or not, here in Michigan we are staying with my mom in her 2 bedroom home with three other people. If we go back to PA where we moved from just 4 short months ago we could move in with his mom and step dad that have a spair room for us and another spair room for my daughter, while we cant stay their perminently because I do not get along with my brother-in-laws wife we would be able to move out with in a couple of months and still have enough time to get our own place before the baby is born. But I just feel like im running back and forth and I dont know what to do, here we have somewhere to stay, but theres not enough room for us and its hard to find a job or we can go where there is room for us and he could probably get his old job back and even if he cant get his old job back there are several places that he could go to get one. I feel like moving back to PA is the right thing to do but its going to cause so many problems with my family because they feel like I need to stay here so that I can be with them because no one in my family has ever moved away before but I was gone for two years and I loved it, but after two years of hearing that i needed to come home my husband and i decided to try and nothing seems to be working out and we cant afford to live on our own without help for a while.

by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 7:19 PM
Replies (11-20):
mmccrea
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 11:03 PM

Yes, I agree with her.  Lot's of places are hiring for temp holiday help.  Target, Walmart, really ANY retail business!  Walmart is almost always hiring overnight shift employee's and they get paid more than minimum wage because of the cruddy hours, but HEY it's work.  I understand and empathize with your situation. It is hard to process things when you are all hormone-y.  Sorry you are having to deal with this.  Good luck. 

Quoting rockinmom6:

My friendly advice to you is to stay where you are for now..holidays are right around the corner and alot of places are starting now for "temp" employment for the holidays. Save what you can where you can..join your church and offer babysitting services.. get out with other Moms..check your local paper for programs and services offered for Moms in your area. Check Craigs list for a job as a nanny..CPR classes can be offered for free somtimes at local hospitals..see what your human resource department at your local hospital offers. Its not about how much you can make but the contacts you make to get a better job..for you OR your husband. HOME is where YOU make it!



englebabies
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 11:22 PM

I would move back to where there is space for you. I agree on calling DH's old place of work and see if they would rehire him. You should not be someplace where you do not feel welcome, especially with a new baby on the way (Congrats). As for getting preggo it happens even if you used birth control it is not 100% so no one should be giving you any grief for it. But I would def. start putting apps in where your in-laws live while you are getting ready for the move and to poof with your BIL we can't get along with everyone (trust me I tried). Good Luck to you and I hope you get the help you need and the support you need. 

CoeyG
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 11:32 PM

How are you going to get your own place in Pennsylvania in a couple of months if you can't find a job and you're pregnant?  Do you really think an employer is going to readily hire someone who is pregnant and will be going on maternity leave even before they have worked long enough to get health benefits?  And if you don't tell them at the outset that you are pregnant you could find yourself without a job when you go on materity leave because you'll be fired for lying by omission and they can keep you from collecting unemployment because of it.   So you and your husband are planning on mooching off family and no doubt the taxpayers as well.  I would say since it is a bigger place to move back to PA, and you make more ofn an attempt to get along with your borther in law's wife since you are going to be mooching off your husband's parents.  Don't bother looking for work for yourself unti after you have the baby and are ready to actaully go to work.  Although your husband should be looking for anything he can get even if it means taking on two or even three part time jobs so the two of yu can at least offer his parents some money for taking on the extra expense of you and your husband and kids.  And I also suggest that the two of you grow up and start thinking about the conserquences of your actions instead of expecting to mooch off others for the rest of your lives

englebabies
by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 11:47 PM

Ouch @coeyg you don't have to be so hard on her. You don't know every detail of her life and to call them mooches is a little harsh. She can still get a job even when she is prggers. Heck we hired someone a month ago who is due any day now with no problems. She stated that they had been looking for work but this is a tough economy and her DH does have a job it just isn't paying diddly squat. We should be rallying around each other not tearing each other up that is why this world is going to the potts because no one has any sympathy or empathy anymore. How can one mother be so hurtful to another mother especailly at this time of year when we are suppost to be Thankful for what we have you know there are some who have none at all and because no one has any empathy or sympathany they can't get any help. Facts are times are tough and we should be here for each! @Randi1234 you have my empathy and if you need a should feel free to message me anytime. 

CoeyG
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 1:54 AM


Quoting englebabies:

Ouch @coeyg you don't have to be so hard on her. You don't know every detail of her life and to call them mooches is a little harsh. She can still get a job even when she is prggers. Heck we hired someone a month ago who is due any day now with no problems. She stated that they had been looking for work but this is a tough economy and her DH does have a job it just isn't paying diddly squat. We should be rallying around each other not tearing each other up that is why this world is going to the potts because no one has any sympathy or empathy anymore. How can one mother be so hurtful to another mother especailly at this time of year when we are suppost to be Thankful for what we have you know there are some who have none at all and because no one has any empathy or sympathany they can't get any help. Facts are times are tough and we should be here for each! @Randi1234 you have my empathy and if you need a should feel free to message me anytime. 

Would you like some cheese and bread to go with that whine?  It is a hard assed world out there, and she and her husband are the ones who are living with family rather than being on their own . Having worked in HR I know that when/if an employer hires someone who is pregnant they are doing so only on a temporary basis and once that person goes on Maternity leave they are more than likely going to get canned unless they are super prodictive and rthe company they work for would be doing themselves a disserviceif they got rid of her.  And if she doesn't disclose she is pregnant at time of hring she can be fired for not doing so and by omission of her pregnancy attime of hire she wouldn't be eligible for unemployment if she did get fired, and if she went to get welfare they'd  have a problem with the reason she got fired as well because that constitutes a type of fraud and the Government doesn't like those who would commit fraud...

And yes if you are living off of anyone wether they are parents, inlaw or outlaws and you're not paying your own way you are mooching.  And as I said...maybe her husband needs to get another job to help supplement his current pay.  I live in Pennsylvania and there ain't not jobs here that are going to pay them what they seek.  My daughter moved down to Texas where she does have a full time job and is able to take care of herself on her income...but then she isn't pregnant and only has herselfto supportl.

Randi1234
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 11:11 AM

OK I have heard enough from you, this is the second time you have commented on something and left me feeling upset, because I have depression issues and also leaving me feeling angry because onece agiain like I said before you do not know my situation, I do not plan on returning to work, I am now a stay at home mom and its not mooching just so you know because my mother in law has been begging us to move back in with her since we moved to michigan she loves having us there and as for you commenting on my things does anyone know how to stop certain people from commenting on your posts because I would really love to never have to hear one more rude comment from her.

Quoting CoeyG:

How are you going to get your own place in Pennsylvania in a couple of months if you can't find a job and you're pregnant?  Do you really think an employer is going to readily hire someone who is pregnant and will be going on maternity leave even before they have worked long enough to get health benefits?  And if you don't tell them at the outset that you are pregnant you could find yourself without a job when you go on materity leave because you'll be fired for lying by omission and they can keep you from collecting unemployment because of it.   So you and your husband are planning on mooching off family and no doubt the taxpayers as well.  I would say since it is a bigger place to move back to PA, and you make more ofn an attempt to get along with your borther in law's wife since you are going to be mooching off your husband's parents.  Don't bother looking for work for yourself unti after you have the baby and are ready to actaully go to work.  Although your husband should be looking for anything he can get even if it means taking on two or even three part time jobs so the two of yu can at least offer his parents some money for taking on the extra expense of you and your husband and kids.  And I also suggest that the two of you grow up and start thinking about the conserquences of your actions instead of expecting to mooch off others for the rest of your lives


Randi1234
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 11:22 AM

WOW are you kidding me? im just going to attempt to ignore everything that I just read that you posted because you do not know my situation nor am I going to take the time to try and explain myself because clearly there is no point at all. AND just an FYI there are more jobs in PA than there are in MI but i guess you wouldnt know that since you live in PA. You dont know what no jobs is like till you work here. and it is illegal to fire someone for being pregnant so you must not be very good at your job or you would know that!

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting englebabies:

Ouch @coeyg you don't have to be so hard on her. You don't know every detail of her life and to call them mooches is a little harsh. She can still get a job even when she is prggers. Heck we hired someone a month ago who is due any day now with no problems. She stated that they had been looking for work but this is a tough economy and her DH does have a job it just isn't paying diddly squat. We should be rallying around each other not tearing each other up that is why this world is going to the potts because no one has any sympathy or empathy anymore. How can one mother be so hurtful to another mother especailly at this time of year when we are suppost to be Thankful for what we have you know there are some who have none at all and because no one has any empathy or sympathany they can't get any help. Facts are times are tough and we should be here for each! @Randi1234 you have my empathy and if you need a should feel free to message me anytime. 

Would you like some cheese and bread to go with that whine?  It is a hard assed world out there, and she and her husband are the ones who are living with family rather than being on their own . Having worked in HR I know that when/if an employer hires someone who is pregnant they are doing so only on a temporary basis and once that person goes on Maternity leave they are more than likely going to get canned unless they are super prodictive and rthe company they work for would be doing themselves a disserviceif they got rid of her.  And if she doesn't disclose she is pregnant at time of hring she can be fired for not doing so and by omission of her pregnancy attime of hire she wouldn't be eligible for unemployment if she did get fired, and if she went to get welfare they'd  have a problem with the reason she got fired as well because that constitutes a type of fraud and the Government doesn't like those who would commit fraud...

And yes if you are living off of anyone wether they are parents, inlaw or outlaws and you're not paying your own way you are mooching.  And as I said...maybe her husband needs to get another job to help supplement his current pay.  I live in Pennsylvania and there ain't not jobs here that are going to pay them what they seek.  My daughter moved down to Texas where she does have a full time job and is able to take care of herself on her income...but then she isn't pregnant and only has herselfto supportl.


sherafrobe
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 2:20 PM
3 moms liked this

Okay I have sat back and read all of the posts that have been going on and kept my mouth shut, but.......it is time for that to end. First of all thank you to all of the moms who have offered their advice to Randi. That is what this site is supposed to be about. Mom's encouraging each other! As for you coeyG, let me explain a few things to you. I am Randi's mother in law. I love this girl like she was one of my own children and I will defend her as if she were. You take liberties by making assumptions about their situation and giving your "opinion" based on that rather than giving advice based on what she has told you. I'm glad that you apparently live a charmed life and have never made any mistakes. That must be nice. These kids are good kids! They both held jobs while they were in high school and graduated. Her husband (my son) went to school to be an EMT because he has a huge heart and has always wanted to help others. A certification that has yet to get him a job because they are hard to come by. He has helped at food banks as a teenager and it was because he wanted to. Not because anyone told him to! Joined the Navy before he even graduated high school because he wanted to do something good with his life. A football injury to his knee ended his military service before boot camp because they "medically excused" him from duty. He is 20 years old and he still makes mistakes. He is not perfect, but neither are any of us. Randi's sister had a baby when Randi was 13 and refused to take care of it. Who picked up the slack? Randi did. She gave up her chance to have a "normal" teenage life to take care of a child she didn't create. She graduated high school and was a part of the Naval ROTC all four years of high school as well as working. She went to college for auto body repair. They made the decision to get married and worked very hard to do whatever they had to do to support themselves. They weren't mooching off of anyone. They both had full time jobs. A job that I must add Randi worked until she was 39 1/2 weeks pregnant with their daughter. After the baby was born they did start to struggle because Randi was off work. Her family talked them into moving to Michigan with the promise of great jobs that would be waiting and a trailer that they could buy cheap when they got there. None of which materialized when they got there. I have to add here that in an earlier post Randi said that she felt like we disowned them when they announced that they were leaving for Michigan. It broke my heart to read that they felt that way. We were a little hard on them because we knew they were making a big mistake, but then we have alot of years of experience that taught us the grass is always greener until you get there. With that said they were at my house almost every day until the day they moved so that we could spend time with them and the baby and the day of the move we were the ones there helping to load the truck. It was hard to talk to them about the move and impossible for me to go to their apt while they were packing because it just broke my heart to be seeing all 3 of them leave. Since they have been up in Michigan her husband has put in litterally countless job applications and is registered with three different temporary employment agencies. He even took a job that only pays him $6 an hour so how dare you say that they aren't trying. They can't breathe in her mothers home without someone yelling at them for it. My husband and I have a very large home and have offered to let them stay here until they can get back on their feet. We are financially able to support them until they are able to find work and save enough money to find a place of their own. It is hardly mooching when they are both hard workers who always go out of their way to help around the house. As for their being no jobs in PA I would suggest that you do a little research before you tell someone where there are and are not jobs. Detroit has the worst economy in the country and has for years now. We live an hour north of Pittsburgh and there are jobs here. Including lots of seasonal work that would hold my son over until he is able to find a full time job again. Here they would have the love and support of a family that cares about them. People like you are without a doubt the reason that this country is going to hell. You act like they are drug addicts looking for a handout rather than a young couple who made an honest mistake which was spurred on by adults with their own agenda!!! 

Randi1234
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 2:29 PM

And btw I hope you come back to read what my mother in law had to say about my post and your response!

Quoting CoeyG:

How are you going to get your own place in Pennsylvania in a couple of months if you can't find a job and you're pregnant?  Do you really think an employer is going to readily hire someone who is pregnant and will be going on maternity leave even before they have worked long enough to get health benefits?  And if you don't tell them at the outset that you are pregnant you could find yourself without a job when you go on materity leave because you'll be fired for lying by omission and they can keep you from collecting unemployment because of it.   So you and your husband are planning on mooching off family and no doubt the taxpayers as well.  I would say since it is a bigger place to move back to PA, and you make more ofn an attempt to get along with your borther in law's wife since you are going to be mooching off your husband's parents.  Don't bother looking for work for yourself unti after you have the baby and are ready to actaully go to work.  Although your husband should be looking for anything he can get even if it means taking on two or even three part time jobs so the two of yu can at least offer his parents some money for taking on the extra expense of you and your husband and kids.  And I also suggest that the two of you grow up and start thinking about the conserquences of your actions instead of expecting to mooch off others for the rest of your lives


Aamy
by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this
This is why you don't move unless you already HAVE a job in the new place. How can you know for sure you will get jobs if you move back? Seems like a bunch of horrible planning, no jobs, getting pregnant, bouncing around. Good luck.
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