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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Good ole boys clubs Edit in red

Posted by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 8:51 PM
  • 10 Replies

For the past 5 years, I have been in the same kind of business. I love it and I'm good at it. I changed companies last year and the company that I've joined has decided to move me up and even take over the region. I'm thrilled!!. This is an event staff company. I love my job. I get to work in different places and see some spectacular shows and meet a phenominal group of people from the performers to the stage hands.

When I left my old job, I had been there for 3 1/2 years. I worked an auditorium with that company. That same auditorium dropped my old company to pick up my current company. I had not been there in over 2 years when I walked back into the doors to work again. The general manager, Steve was thrilled to see me. The technical manager, Scott, the catering manager Jon and the ticket sales manager Tracy (all men) couldn't wait to talk to me again. The supervisor over me, left not long after I got started. Soon, the owner of my company took a great interest. He loved me from the start. No, before any one thinks about it, he's happily married and so am I. Neither of us are interested in anything but business.

My boss is the owner's right hand man. He began relying on me for a lot of things including staffing the town I work in.  He started training me to be a supervisor of the different events in my town. Including the auditorium. Sounds great right? No. Because once it was seen that I was going to be in a position of authority, Steve, Scott and the other 2 began to say that they felt more comfortable with a man doing the job. If my boss doesn't give them a man, then, we could lose the client. This client is very important to my company and if we lose it because of me, then, I will feel completely guilty. This is a good company and I am being totally supported. I CAN do this job better than my predecessor. But, I can't if I'm not allowed to do my job. How can I get into this boys' club? I'm kinda missing something anatomically.

Edit: My boss is taking the low road for right now. We are extremely busy and in order for me to do my job, he is sending another man to be my cover. He is the one that they will feel comfortable going to and I am the one who is running the show. I'm not thrilled by it, but, for now, it's a quick fix.

by on Nov. 11, 2012 at 8:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoeyG
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 12:04 AM

My advice is to have a meeting with everyone to let them all know that you are going to be doing the job period.  That you are capable of doing the job and that them threatening to pull out because you are not a man only proves their own fears of inferiority on their parts.  

blondie805
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 8:33 AM

I've known these guys for a while. A meeting to let them know that I am capable of doing the job will only put a strain there. Not to mention the fact that they can go to another company or even staff their own. They already know what I'm capable of. They all have seen my work. I've not hidden myself. I'm not a sales person by any means. But, somehow, I have to sell myself to these men. My work capabilities aren't doing it. Like I said, this is a club. I want to get into it. I don't want to tear it down. I understand them. I just don't know how to get passed this.

Quoting CoeyG:

My advice is to have a meeting with everyone to let them all know that you are going to be doing the job period.  That you are capable of doing the job and that them threatening to pull out because you are not a man only proves their own fears of inferiority on their parts.  


DaniandTom
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

That's a toughie! You've already proven yourself to be an asset and obviously they like you as a person...you might be right that it's just because you're a woman. Sit down with your boss and discuss this. Ask him to come with you to a few meetings with these men and let you do the talking. This will show them that HE trusts your instincts and decision making capabilities so hopefully they will follow suit. If they ask a question and direct it to him, he should defer to you. This contract is important to both you and your company so he should be onboard with this. Once he has shown them that YOU are the company's answer and your company believes it's giving them their best person, they'll come around. They just have to see that they are getting much more than "just a girl". Hope that helps! ♥Hugs♥

kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 11:12 AM

This is great advice!  My husband says the same thing. 

Quoting DaniandTom:

That's a toughie! You've already proven yourself to be an asset and obviously they like you as a person...you might be right that it's just because you're a woman. Sit down with your boss and discuss this. Ask him to come with you to a few meetings with these men and let you do the talking. This will show them that HE trusts your instincts and decision making capabilities so hopefully they will follow suit. If they ask a question and direct it to him, he should defer to you. This contract is important to both you and your company so he should be onboard with this. Once he has shown them that YOU are the company's answer and your company believes it's giving them their best person, they'll come around. They just have to see that they are getting much more than "just a girl". Hope that helps! ♥Hugs♥


la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2012 at 1:51 PM

 Bump!

Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 12, 2012 at 2:16 PM

Your boss should handle this, not you.

CTSBrandy
by on Nov. 12, 2012 at 5:22 PM

These guys are clearly comfortable working with you so long as you are not in authority over them. It's the idea of you being in authority that makes them uncomfortable. You can ask them directly why they are uncomfortable, but I'm not sure that's going to provide the answers you need. They may not know the answer themselves.  

I think that the key to winning them over is to show them that your view of authority isn't to control or micromanage them. Instead, let them know  you view your job as being more of a liason position - it's you being the one to facilitate communication between your boss and them. You want to help them get the tools they need to get their job done by letting your boss know what problems they're encountering along the way or what tools they need to do things more efficiently.  In turn, you'll also help them by communicating the expectations your employer has for them and when he wants those things done. Let them know you view your role as an authority figure as a job of service - you are there to serve them, not to get in their way or make their job harder but to make it easier by making sure they have everything they need including a clear vision of what the man upstairs expects to receive so they can do their very best work.

If you approach things with humility and a genuine desire to serve them, you may just put them at ease and begin to earn their trust.  A lot of women in charge want to c ontrol and micromanage.  This may be what they are afraid you will do. I had an experience like this when I took over managing the staff for my husband. They knew and trusted him. They didn't know or trust me. I explained to them that I wasn't interested in controlling or micromanaging them. I trusted my husband's decision to hire them and I knew they were a great group of people or he wouldn't have chosen them in the first place.  I then shared with them that I viewed my job as a service position - I was there to make sure that they had everything they needed to get their job done. If they needed a tool or were facing an obstacle, I wanted to hear about it. I would then take those requests to my husband or find a way to provide what was lacking.  My husband often found it frustrating trying to get his team to share his vision and understand what he needed from them. I was the one who would listen and translate those expectations into specific requests.  Work that had stalled out for 2 months before I got there got done in 2 weeks once I stepped in.  

What it comes down to is reassuring them that you trust and respect their competence and are only there to help clear the obstacles out of their way for accomplishing the work set out before them. That's it.

blondie805
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I won't be in authority over them. They are the managers of the auditorium. My company is contracted by them to be their event staff. I would be over the event staff and making sure that the auditorium guests are pleased and well-behaved (some shows can get pretty rowdy). They have to be pleased with my running the staff. But, I will be in authority and having to deal with them as I would other clients. I would almost be an equal to them. But, I see what you mean about being humble and gracious. That may actually work as long as it comes across being humble and not weak. I'm going to try to practice that before going into a meeting with them as some here have suggested. Thank you.

Quoting CTSBrandy:

These guys are clearly comfortable working with you so long as you are not in authority over them. It's the idea of you being in authority that makes them uncomfortable. You can ask them directly why they are uncomfortable, but I'm not sure that's going to provide the answers you need. They may not know the answer themselves.  

I think that the key to winning them over is to show them that your view of authority isn't to control or micromanage them. Instead, let them know  you view your job as being more of a liason position - it's you being the one to facilitate communication between your boss and them. You want to help them get the tools they need to get their job done by letting your boss know what problems they're encountering along the way or what tools they need to do things more efficiently.  In turn, you'll also help them by communicating the expectations your employer has for them and when he wants those things done. Let them know you view your role as an authority figure as a job of service - you are there to serve them, not to get in their way or make their job harder but to make it easier by making sure they have everything they need including a clear vision of what the man upstairs expects to receive so they can do their very best work.

If you approach things with humility and a genuine desire to serve them, you may just put them at ease and begin to earn their trust.  A lot of women in charge want to c ontrol and micromanage.  This may be what they are afraid you will do. I had an experience like this when I took over managing the staff for my husband. They knew and trusted him. They didn't know or trust me. I explained to them that I wasn't interested in controlling or micromanaging them. I trusted my husband's decision to hire them and I knew they were a great group of people or he wouldn't have chosen them in the first place.  I then shared with them that I viewed my job as a service position - I was there to make sure that they had everything they needed to get their job done. If they needed a tool or were facing an obstacle, I wanted to hear about it. I would then take those requests to my husband or find a way to provide what was lacking.  My husband often found it frustrating trying to get his team to share his vision and understand what he needed from them. I was the one who would listen and translate those expectations into specific requests.  Work that had stalled out for 2 months before I got there got done in 2 weeks once I stepped in.  

What it comes down to is reassuring them that you trust and respect their competence and are only there to help clear the obstacles out of their way for accomplishing the work set out before them. That's it.


blondie805
by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 12:24 PM
2 moms liked this

This may actually work. I will talk to my boss and see if he agrees. Maybe with grace and humility and strong confidence in myself, I can pull it off. Thanks!

Quoting kirbymom:

This is great advice!  My husband says the same thing. 

Quoting DaniandTom:

That's a toughie! You've already proven yourself to be an asset and obviously they like you as a person...you might be right that it's just because you're a woman. Sit down with your boss and discuss this. Ask him to come with you to a few meetings with these men and let you do the talking. This will show them that HE trusts your instincts and decision making capabilities so hopefully they will follow suit. If they ask a question and direct it to him, he should defer to you. This contract is important to both you and your company so he should be onboard with this. Once he has shown them that YOU are the company's answer and your company believes it's giving them their best person, they'll come around. They just have to see that they are getting much more than "just a girl". Hope that helps! ♥Hugs♥



marisab
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:25 PM

BUMP!

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