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How involved is your husband with the kids/is he a good father? I need advice!

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Hi everyone, I would like to know from all you moms out there how good of a father your husband is to your children? How involved is he? How much time does he spend with them and what types of activities does he do with them? Also, does he work full-time and if he does, does he still spend most of his free time with the kids in the weekends? If you have a baby, is he natural at taking care of him/her? Does he do anything in the household or is that 'your task'? I know these are alot of questions but I really would love some answers. I'm in a situation where I feel like my husband just doesn't put in enough time and effort with our 3 yr old and our 10 month old twins. He lets me do everything, I have to ask for his help all the time and he doesn't naturally play with them or spend alot of time with them. He's disrespectful in ways of leaving clothes on the floor, doesn't put his shit away, never helps me with dishes, even though i cook...and most of the time i put all three kids to bed by myself and when we have to go somewhere im always the one getting the kids ready and that's ALOT of work with three boys. I'm just sick of it, tired. Like having a fourth child. Not to mention he gets mad when I don't have time or don't feel like being intimate. I'm at the end of my rope but wanna do anything to save my family, just for my kids sake. Any comments and advice is welcome!

Thanks so much!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:27 PM
Replies (11-20):
by AnnaLisa on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:10 AM

i'm not married, or have i ever been.  my daughters dad isnt involved at all! never really has been.  i don't know any different.   but helps once in a while woulda been nice!  shes 8 now, so its much

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:31 AM
He is the best husband/daddy in the world!!!!

Like 100%. He does whatever I ask him, I dont have to ask him to take the trash out.

His days off I sleep in and doesnt make me do anything. I just cook dinner, he takes care of breakfast and dinner. Does the laundry.

I was just informed that they were going to the park, and then for a drive but I wasnt invited! Cuz I wasnt cool.
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 5:57 AM

My husband is in grad school full-time and works part-time; I work full-time. The only way our marriage works is with both of us splitting the housework, child care, etc. He's extremely involved and loving with our daughter. He was essentially a SAHD for the first eleven months of her life, so once I went back to work he actually had more one-on-one time with her than I did. Now, it's a lot more equal. Most of the time that he's not working or writing (or commuting) he's with our daughter and me.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Did you and your husband discuss your philosophies on parenting before you got married? Some men just don't feel like it's their "job" to be involved with the children.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 7:50 AM

Listen to what you wrote. I'm not minimizing your suffering in this but I don't think he knows any better. Judging by his history it's a miracle he's even around. All he knows is that his father was not around and he did not have that male role model ( maybe in his case it was better that way ). But regardless try to understand that maybe he doesn't know any better, he sounds like a good man he just needs some guidance. Would he be open to counseling ? None of us are born with a guide on how to be good parents and spouses, we learn that from our parents and he was missing one of them. Please don't give up on your relationship, it is possible to save it, but don't wait on it either.

Quoting joyfulmom03:

Thank you all for your replies and advice. The things is, we have been married for almost 8 years and I literally have tried everything. We've fought and talked but he never really listens. He doesn't take it as advice to better himself or to make me feel better. He takes everything I say as an attack and walks away when I'm starting to talk or argue. I've tried to be nice about it and I've done it the hard way, once even threatened a divorce before we even had kids. I guess I should have known it wasn't going to get any better once we had kids. I've alays had the hope and wish for a long, beautful life together but like this, it can't happen. I just don't understand why he's doing this or why he is what he is. He had a childhood with no father around - big ahole- and told me he never wanted to be like that. He isn't at all like that but I would think he'd be the best father and husband in the world. Omg I could talk all night. I gotta stop. I just can't stop thinking about this question: "Does he really just not care?" or "Does he not have the empathy to understand that he's being so disrespectful and uninvolved?"... 

by New Member on Nov. 14, 2012 at 9:38 AM

My husband has always been very involved with the kids.  He also had to participate in the housework.  It helped that I worked part time when the kids were little.

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 2:58 PM
I'm not married but my df is like this. We have a set of 1 year old twins and I'm 19 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. I take the babies to dr appts by myself, I put them to bed, I feed them, bathe them,get them dressed
when we are going somewhere,I am
with them 24/7 and I'm trying to get
a job on top of it. while he sleeps in
or hangs with his friends or does
whatever. If something doesn't
happen I get blamed for it. It sucks if I try to tell him how I feel he says I'm beeotching and makes me feel sometimes like I don't do anything for my kids. He will do little things but I feel likeva single mommy. All I can say is try and communicate and hopefully that works
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by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:24 PM

He needs to grow up and take on some responsibility !!

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:29 PM

My husband works full time and is very hands on with our son, was a cub scout leader, helps with homework, does alot of one on one stuff with him.

I'm sorry your giong thru this, it must be so hard esp when you have talked to him about it.  Have you looked into counseling?

Have you tried just asking for him to do one thing at a time.  Say something like "i'm having a hard time putting all 3 kids to bed, can you put 3 yr old to bed and I'll but the twins to bed please?"  just something simple like that.  If you keep doing that over and over with little things maybe he will pick up on it?

by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:42 PM
My husband is actually a step dad to my daughter he works full time but when he's home he does amazing with her !!! She's three now !! Even when she was a baby he always was very hands on!! In his off time he does some of the dishes but he throws his clothes around the house I'm pretty sure that's a man thing drives me nuts too!!! Have you tried talkin to him about it!??? Some men are odd with kids but normally when they get a bit older they are more hands on I would try making a schedule and having him make some baby steps to improve his parenting let him know if he wants sex you need help
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 3:44 PM
He works full time plus overtime plus online college and still spends time with the boys. He plays in the floor with them, chases them around the house, plays board games, plays video games with them sometimes, held with homework, goes to school functions as often as he can.
He is an amazing father and husband!
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