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How involved is your husband with the kids/is he a good father? I need advice!

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Hi everyone, I would like to know from all you moms out there how good of a father your husband is to your children? How involved is he? How much time does he spend with them and what types of activities does he do with them? Also, does he work full-time and if he does, does he still spend most of his free time with the kids in the weekends? If you have a baby, is he natural at taking care of him/her? Does he do anything in the household or is that 'your task'? I know these are alot of questions but I really would love some answers. I'm in a situation where I feel like my husband just doesn't put in enough time and effort with our 3 yr old and our 10 month old twins. He lets me do everything, I have to ask for his help all the time and he doesn't naturally play with them or spend alot of time with them. He's disrespectful in ways of leaving clothes on the floor, doesn't put his shit away, never helps me with dishes, even though i cook...and most of the time i put all three kids to bed by myself and when we have to go somewhere im always the one getting the kids ready and that's ALOT of work with three boys. I'm just sick of it, tired. Like having a fourth child. Not to mention he gets mad when I don't have time or don't feel like being intimate. I'm at the end of my rope but wanna do anything to save my family, just for my kids sake. Any comments and advice is welcome!

Thanks so much!

by on Nov. 13, 2012 at 9:27 PM
Replies (21-30):
Meloney413
by on Nov. 14, 2012 at 4:08 PM

My childrens father is a pipefitter work M-Sat 6 am til whenever & im a sahm.. we are both very young.. hes 22 & im 19 but we are old souls and we seem like an old couple :) but the bad thing is hes not very involved ... but a BIG part of it is culture.... hes 100% Mexican .. im half latina/ european ...His father worked his mother took care of the kids cooked & cleaned.. so i guess thats what he expects... NOT going to happen.. I do all the above but i expect him to take care of our kids too... he would not watch our kids if i wasnt there... even when it was bed time for them id still have to take them to the store in the cold.. i WAS FURIOUS ... so i told him thats it i would leave him if i ever had to do that again ... things have changed now Thankfull.. I can even go to family parties ( ex babyshower) and leave the kids with him which is a great feeling!  Im so greatful for all the hard work he does we have a great life food on the tabe & a beautiful home but I didnt have them on my own which he now understands :)

p.s. I dispised him when my kids started favoring him because i had to be the mean one and say no -_-

BaBa1123
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:30 PM

I am sorry your husband doesnot commit.   My husband has been with me every step of the way.   From the beginning he has taken charge of being a dad.  My husband work approximately 50-60 hours a week and makes it a priority to spend time with his 2 boys.  He always gave them their baths while I cleaned up the dishes and we both like to read stories to the boys at bed time.   Now that they are 6 and 8 they are very much involved with sports and my husband is usually one of the coaches or assistant coach.  He practices out in the yard with them with soccer, baseball and football all the time.  He is never too tired for the boys.  He gets the boys involved with charities and sports and he includes himself with them.  I am blessed and I truly love my husband.  My only advice to you is that you should sit down and talk to your husband and tell him it he would get more involved and help you will have more time for him!

piwife
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:35 PM
I couldn't ask for a better father for my kids.. your dh sounds like a douchebag. Stop doing stuff for him
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3lilladies81
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:40 PM
Tell him If he wants intimate time he needs to help out because doing it all yourself leaves you with no energy not to mention they are his kids too! My hubby works 21/7 idk maybe that's why he does so much with them bc he misses us.
Mrs.Miller11
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:40 PM

My husband is an amazing father, incredibly involved and as hands on as possible. He does work a lot, but for the most part, he wants to be with us when he does have free time. He always helps with the kids, whether its feeding or bathtime or reading bedtime stories. He loves to play with the kids, he takes my oldest to the park, they play games, the play music together. Our youngest is only 3 months so he mainly rocks her, sings to her, makes faces at her, etc. He is a family man pretty much

Aurora-Dove
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:44 PM

he is a fantastic dad, we both work full time from home so have the luxury of both being able to spend a ton of time with DS. We both play outside, color, read, snuggle up and watch a movie, play ball, and other fun toddler games with him. He also has his daugter every other weekend, and several days during the week he will go pick her up and do things with her, takes her to taekwondo every week, goes to all the school functions, etc. He is a very involved dad. His was not around when he was growing up and doesn't want that for his own kids. 

mommieof4.2011
by New Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:49 PM

My husband is a wonderful father to our children, although not very hands on. Im a sahm and my husband is gone from 6 am til about 6 30 pm. he works from 7 til 5 and driving an hour each way to work, so he is really tired when he gets home. He spends a little time with them during the week, but Im still the main care giver at night. He gets up when I ask him, but other than that he dont get up with them at night. During the weekend he likes to sleep in and well, sometimes I feel like asking when is it my turn? Our 6 month old twin boys were born 2 months early, and require alot of care as they still eat every 2 hours, even at night. On weekends, he's more interested in playing his video games *he's 29" but he still likes to play them, I have to literally ask him 5 times before he will do something, I feel the same way you do, I get all bottles ready, do all bath times, do bedtime routines, medicine, diaper changes, anytime their sick, i sit up with them, i play with them...sometimes he will play with them, but not very often. When we go someplace, I get everything ready, make sure their ready and do everything. He's given them a bath 1 time their whole life and thats only because I was just exhausted, we had a fight that day and he was trying to make up. I love my boys, but sometimes it feels likeI would be better off as a single mom, because thats the way I feel already. As right now, Ive got a cold, the twins have a cold and they havent been sleeping, so I havent been sleeping to try to get myself better. I feel like my husband believes his job is more important because Ive begged him to stay home and just help me, so I can sleep a little and get better. So dont feel bad, I know how you feel. Sit him down and talk to him, tell him how you feel! It may work for you, my husband just gets mad and throws up the fact that I dont have a job in his face..It would be easier if I had people that cared to help me with the boys so I could get a job! I hope it gets better for you soon. Im here, if you ever need someoe to talk to who goes through everything that you are!

mmccrea
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:59 PM

Are you a SAHM?  I am, my husband works full time.  4 days on 4 days off, overnights, 13 hour shifts.  He doesn't do anything around the house.  His way of watching our son is watching TV while our son runs around.  Doesn't pay attention really.  He might talk to him for one sentence every 30 mins or so.  It is not natural for dads I don't think.  They don't know how to play with kids, in my experience.  Some guys don't think about leaving their crap all over.  It doesn't matter that much to them.  So, it is probably not disrespectful on purpose.  When you ask him to do stuff, does he help?  

spizzarks1978
by Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:05 PM

50/50 He cooks, i was the dishes.I cook he washes the dishes.  We rotate bed time story and helping with homework.  We spend the weekends together when he isn't working or if grammy doesn't steal the kid then it's us two.  He backs me up with rules and sets em place.  We talk about every thing and never go to bed mad.  I even warn him if something will make me mad.  He watches movies with DD after dinner on the nights he isnt' working late.  We both clean and do the laundry.  It's a joint effort.  He suggested he is open to having another baby and says how he feels he missed out on feedings and diapers (he is adopting my DD

Bmat
by Barb on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:08 PM

My husband is a hard worker and good provider. Sometimes he needs some suggestions about how to interact more with the kids.

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