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So, I`ll try to cut the long story shorter - my dad`s was and still is an alcoholic. He left me when I was 2 months old. By now for 32 years I`ve seen him no more than 10 times. I grew up in poverty and he never helped. As long as I remember all he gave me for my whole life was a pair of jeans and a box of chewing gums when I was in 4th grade. He never gave me any attention, advice or emotional support as well. I don`t blame or judge him, he made his choices or may be he` s a sick man, doctors consider the dependences as sickness, or may be my mom led him to his situation. I don`t know. All I know for sure is my parent`s faults are not mine, but I suffered from them for the greater part of my life. Now I have my own family and it`s the only thing that matters for me. 

The thing is being a lawyer and having an access to the local property register I realised that my dad has donated his summer cottage to my cousin, i.e. to his brother`s daughter. He didn`t buy the cottage, it`s a heritage from his parents, i.e. my grand parents. Probably I`ll have to mention they were in solidarity with my dad`s divorce and I have never seen my grandma, I`ve seen grandpa 2 or 3 times, including a time I met him on the street and he didn`t recognize me.  According to our legislation, in case of a donation me and my brother we have a preserved part from the heritage. Means if dad has sold the cottage then we could do nothing, but since he made a donnation we could try to cancel it in court and ask for our preserved part. Such a case would be easy for me and ten to one I`d win. Then the cottage would be mine and my brother`s with equal parts. But I`m not sure what to do. On one hand I have everything and don`t need desperately the cottage. Plus I don`t  want anything from a family who didn`t care about me. On other hand I have a daughter and I want her to have everything I was deprived of. I`ve already provided her with our own home and some commercial properties, but as  every mother I want her to have everything. I don`t want her to struggle as I did. On third hand my brother has nothing and would never go to court to ask for his part because he can not afford paying neither the court fee, neither a lawyer other than myself. Not that I even think of asking him a fee.

So, this is the situation. I don`t know what to do. I don`t wan`t to be greedy, I want to be a good Christian. What would you do in my situation?

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 2:45 PM
Replies (11-20):
haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:16 PM


Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just leave it alone since you have set up a possibly good future and have invested wisely due to how you unfortunately went through struggles.  As a good christian (your words), you should forgive and forget that property even exists and keep the contact to a minimum with said family members.  Be happy that another child may have a chance at success using that cottage as a home they otherwise may not be able to afford.

Thanks a lot! Sounds reasonable. With the small correction that I `m not defining myself as a good Christian, I am just trying to be one, I admit I don`t always succed.

What if the other child which presently is 24 always had his father and family besides her, has already her home from her dad, just decided to take advantage from her drunk uncle and asked him to sign a donnation offering him a bottle of whiskey? 

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:21 PM


Quoting haute_couture:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just leave it alone since you have set up a possibly good future and have invested wisely due to how you unfortunately went through struggles.  As a good christian (your words), you should forgive and forget that property even exists and keep the contact to a minimum with said family members.  Be happy that another child may have a chance at success using that cottage as a home they otherwise may not be able to afford.

Thanks a lot! Sounds reasonable. With the small correction that I `m not defining myself as a good Christian, I am just trying to be one, I admit I don`t always succed.

What if the other child which presently is 24 always had his father and family besides her, has already her home from her dad, just decided to take advantage from her drunk uncle and asked him to sign a donnation offering him a bottle of whiskey? 

Then the cards will fall as they do around a person who uses weakness for "bad works" like taking advantage.  I would just continue to teach my child the things i learned on how to treat others and keep myself on the path of success.  I have battled with forgiveness against certain people in my life but i remind myself that any anger/hurt i hold on to can only further hurt me and my family.

haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:26 PM


Quoting Jadegirl1819:


Quoting haute_couture:


Quoting nessac1987:

I think i would just have to ignore it. You didn't have much growing up yet you became a lawyer. Your children don't need things handed to them but earned for their hard work. And your brother will egh.. Tuffy situation.. Its his choice if he wants to fight for the cottage. Let him decide.. Either way good luck to everyone in this situation

Thank you for your reply. Hard work could be very different. It could be humiliating, as it was mine when I was younger. It could be creative, constructive and purposeful when you have your home and some funds besides you and when you don`t have to struggle for every bite of food. This is what I will give my daugher. The question is should I add another 20 000 EUR to her future, or should I leave it to my cousin...



Do you mean the house was yours when you were younger because it has never been yours.  It was your grandparents and then your fathers, never yours. 

No, I meant my hard work when I was younger. It was humiliating.

And yes - the house belonged to my grand parents, then to dad and finally dad donated it to my cousin. As I mentioned I`ve seen dad about 10 times in my life, never seen grandma, seen grandpa 2 or 3 times. How do you think, what is the difference between me and my cousin? Why she would be the one to have it? Why should they care more about her than me? Why should they act as if me and my brother don`t exist?

haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 5:30 PM


Quoting frndlyfn:


Quoting haute_couture:


Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just leave it alone since you have set up a possibly good future and have invested wisely due to how you unfortunately went through struggles.  As a good christian (your words), you should forgive and forget that property even exists and keep the contact to a minimum with said family members.  Be happy that another child may have a chance at success using that cottage as a home they otherwise may not be able to afford.

Thanks a lot! Sounds reasonable. With the small correction that I `m not defining myself as a good Christian, I am just trying to be one, I admit I don`t always succed.

What if the other child which presently is 24 always had his father and family besides her, has already her home from her dad, just decided to take advantage from her drunk uncle and asked him to sign a donnation offering him a bottle of whiskey? 

Then the cards will fall as they do around a person who uses weakness for "bad works" like taking advantage.  I would just continue to teach my child the things i learned on how to treat others and keep myself on the path of success.  I have battled with forgiveness against certain people in my life but i remind myself that any anger/hurt i hold on to can only further hurt me and my family.

Again - thank you very much.

haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:01 PM


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting haute_couture:


Quoting CoeyG:

Based upon the way you present yourself here I find it difficult to believe that you are a lawyer.  And if you were a lawyer you would know that such an inheritance would be given to any blood relative and since your father's brother's daughter is his blood relative he she has every right to accept said property.  By the way him giving the cottage to his borther's daughter was not a "donation" he bequeathed it to her...if you were a lawyer you would know the difference.

Thank you for your reply. I know exactly what the documets say and I don`t need a professional advice but a spiritual one. If you have noticed I had emphazied several times that I`m talking about my LOCAL law and legal procedures. Since I live and work in Europe and our laws are much different from yours I`m pretty sure you know nothing about them. However, I don`t care if you believe me or not. Based upon the way you present here your opinion is not important to me.

I happen to know a Solicitor in Great Britan...I can tell you that you're not one there...and most European civil laws arent' that different from those in the U.S.  I also stand by my assessment that you are not indeed a lawyer (or European since you used the term "Lawyer" rather than "solicitor" which is what Europeans use) and obviously you do care aboiut my opinion as you have tried to counter it with your claim...

Common Coey, Europe consists of 50 countries, why should I be in Great Britain? I am in Bulgaria and if you`re really interested I could send you our Law of succession translated in English so you could judge for yourself it has nothing to do with what you suggested above. Obviuosly English is not my mother`s tongue so there`s no need to pay so much attention to the terms I use. About your opinion I care as much as you are trying to belie me in front of the rest of the readers of my topic and this is the only reason I am answering you. Other than that I have noticed long time ago that you`re just a hater besides a keyboard, always biting and packing and it`s a real waste of time to read you. Hopefully there are no many like you here in CM. There are lots of value people who treat the rest of the users with respect and compassion. And I`m here because of them, not becasue of a single malicious person as yourself. So could you pls stop SPAMMING my topic. 

Nicsone
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:10 PM
Honestly, from what I have read it sounds like you are thinking out of hurt and letting post scars affect your present choices. Yes your father should have been there more for both you and your brother but it was his choice and loss to not be. I don't have any reasons as to why he would choose her to give it to, but do you really want something that he would have when he already made the choice?

You are worth more than fighting for his attention. You say you are a Christian, so you know that you do have a father that will never leave or fail to be there for you when you need him. When earthly fathers fail sometimes it is hard to really know what your heavenly father wants for you, but trust me it is do much more than fighting for someone to see you as special and worthy. He already knows you are.
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haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:16 PM


Quoting Nicsone:

Honestly, from what I have read it sounds like you are thinking out of hurt and letting post scars affect your present choices. Yes your father should have been there more for both you and your brother but it was his choice and loss to not be. I don't have any reasons as to why he would choose her to give it to, but do you really want something that he would have when he already made the choice?

You are worth more than fighting for his attention. You say you are a Christian, so you know that you do have a father that will never leave or fail to be there for you when you need him. When earthly fathers fail sometimes it is hard to really know what your heavenly father wants for you, but trust me it is do much more than fighting for someone to see you as special and worthy. He already knows you are.

Thank yo so much! I`ve been thinking over the situation for days and your advices is the most precious of all! hugs

CoeyG
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:22 PM

So, what it all boils down to is that you are jealous that your father left his house to someone else since you had to work and pinch coins to get everything you got...you're not the only one who had to do that , but that doesn't make you entitled to his house.  You say that maybe you're not entitled legally but you are entitled morally...obviously he didn't live by the same type of morals you did, and he can still hand the house over to whomever he chooses, so, you're jealous...oh well. 

Nicsone
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:23 PM
Your are very welcome. And I would like to add that I think it is awesome you were able to overcome everything and give yourself and your daughter a better life. But please don't stop there work on overcoming those past hurts too. They affect more than we think they do, especially when we try to stuff and ignore instead of surrendering and healing.

Quoting haute_couture:



Quoting Nicsone:

Honestly, from what I have read it sounds like you are thinking out of hurt and letting post scars affect your present choices. Yes your father should have been there more for both you and your brother but it was his choice and loss to not be. I don't have any reasons as to why he would choose her to give it to, but do you really want something that he would have when he already made the choice?



You are worth more than fighting for his attention. You say you are a Christian, so you know that you do have a father that will never leave or fail to be there for you when you need him. When earthly fathers fail sometimes it is hard to really know what your heavenly father wants for you, but trust me it is do much more than fighting for someone to see you as special and worthy. He already knows you are.

Thank yo so much! I`ve been thinking over the situation for days and your advices is the most precious of all! hugs

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 6:35 PM


Quoting Nicsone:

Your are very welcome. And I would like to add that I think it is awesome you were able to overcome everything and give yourself and your daughter a better life. But please don't stop there work on overcoming those past hurts too. They affect more than we think they do, especially when we try to stuff and ignore instead of surrendering and healing.

By now I was thinking that the best way to heal my soul is to ignore the past hurts but obviously its not the right way. May be I should see a specialist. Thanks for your kindness!

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