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So, I`ll try to cut the long story shorter - my dad`s was and still is an alcoholic. He left me when I was 2 months old. By now for 32 years I`ve seen him no more than 10 times. I grew up in poverty and he never helped. As long as I remember all he gave me for my whole life was a pair of jeans and a box of chewing gums when I was in 4th grade. He never gave me any attention, advice or emotional support as well. I don`t blame or judge him, he made his choices or may be he` s a sick man, doctors consider the dependences as sickness, or may be my mom led him to his situation. I don`t know. All I know for sure is my parent`s faults are not mine, but I suffered from them for the greater part of my life. Now I have my own family and it`s the only thing that matters for me. 

The thing is being a lawyer and having an access to the local property register I realised that my dad has donated his summer cottage to my cousin, i.e. to his brother`s daughter. He didn`t buy the cottage, it`s a heritage from his parents, i.e. my grand parents. Probably I`ll have to mention they were in solidarity with my dad`s divorce and I have never seen my grandma, I`ve seen grandpa 2 or 3 times, including a time I met him on the street and he didn`t recognize me.  According to our legislation, in case of a donation me and my brother we have a preserved part from the heritage. Means if dad has sold the cottage then we could do nothing, but since he made a donnation we could try to cancel it in court and ask for our preserved part. Such a case would be easy for me and ten to one I`d win. Then the cottage would be mine and my brother`s with equal parts. But I`m not sure what to do. On one hand I have everything and don`t need desperately the cottage. Plus I don`t  want anything from a family who didn`t care about me. On other hand I have a daughter and I want her to have everything I was deprived of. I`ve already provided her with our own home and some commercial properties, but as  every mother I want her to have everything. I don`t want her to struggle as I did. On third hand my brother has nothing and would never go to court to ask for his part because he can not afford paying neither the court fee, neither a lawyer other than myself. Not that I even think of asking him a fee.

So, this is the situation. I don`t know what to do. I don`t wan`t to be greedy, I want to be a good Christian. What would you do in my situation?

by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 2:45 PM
Replies (21-30):
haute_couture
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 7:28 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting CoeyG:

So, what it all boils down to is that you are jealous that your father left his house to someone else since you had to work and pinch coins to get everything you got...you're not the only one who had to do that , but that doesn't make you entitled to his house.  You say that maybe you're not entitled legally but you are entitled morally...obviously he didn't live by the same type of morals you did, and he can still hand the house over to whomever he chooses, so, you're jealous...oh well. 

You really don`t give up Coey. Would you feel better if I admit I do feel jalous? Why would you be so mean? You`re a real hater and I`m wondering how people like you could be moderators. Do you enjoy deforming my thoughts? Since anyone who`s capable of reading would notice I never said I`m jalous because I had to pinch my coins, but I am jalous because I was and still am treated as if I don`t exist. Btw I didn`t pich coins but wads because at the age of 28 I already owned my house, my office, a shop and two storages without a penny of loan. Yes, it was very difficult to get to my last job, I started working at 15 but I`m not jalous because I had to go through the difficulties, but because he wasn`t there just to hold my hand, nothing more. 

Opposite of what you say I am entitled legally becasue our law is giving me the opportunity to start a legal procedure against my cousin and I have all the conditions to win it. I think I have written it very clearly and have no idea why would you deform the facts I stated. I never mentioned anything about moral. Yes, I am jalous. I am not ashamed to admit it. Who wouldn`t be at my place?

Without any reasons you already accused me of lying and mocked my jalousy. Is your happiness full now or you need another bite? You are not biting only me but almost anyone in every topic and I really find your behaviour disgusting.  Would you do me a favour and stop feeding your hatred in my present topic? I.e would you pls leave it? Of course you won`t... your nagging will continue indefinitely...

raleighmom
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2012 at 9:08 PM
Well said! I agree


Quoting frndlyfn:

I would just leave it alone since you have set up a possibly good future and have invested wisely due to how you unfortunately went through struggles.  As a good christian (your words), you should forgive and forget that property even exists and keep the contact to a minimum with said family members.  Be happy that another child may have a chance at success using that cottage as a home they otherwise may not be able to afford.


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Jadegirl1819
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 7:13 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting haute_couture:

 

Quoting Jadegirl1819:

 

Quoting haute_couture:

 

Quoting nessac1987:

I think i would just have to ignore it. You didn't have much growing up yet you became a lawyer. Your children don't need things handed to them but earned for their hard work. And your brother will egh.. Tuffy situation.. Its his choice if he wants to fight for the cottage. Let him decide.. Either way good luck to everyone in this situation

Thank you for your reply. Hard work could be very different. It could be humiliating, as it was mine when I was younger. It could be creative, constructive and purposeful when you have your home and some funds besides you and when you don`t have to struggle for every bite of food. This is what I will give my daugher. The question is should I add another 20 000 EUR to her future, or should I leave it to my cousin...

 

 

Do you mean the house was yours when you were younger because it has never been yours.  It was your grandparents and then your fathers, never yours. 

No, I meant my hard work when I was younger. It was humiliating.

And yes - the house belonged to my grand parents, then to dad and finally dad donated it to my cousin. As I mentioned I`ve seen dad about 10 times in my life, never seen grandma, seen grandpa 2 or 3 times. How do you think, what is the difference between me and my cousin? Why she would be the one to have it? Why should they care more about her than me? Why should they act as if me and my brother don`t exist?

Why should she be the one to have it?  Because she is the one it was given to.  Not you.  Not your brother.  I can't tell you why he was/is a bad father to you but going in and trying to go against his wishes and take the house from your cousin isn't going to make you feel better.  You don't need it and your daughter doesn't need it.  You are being petty and trying to get revenge for the hurt his lack of love has caused you.  It won't make you feel better.  Find a therapist and start working through your issues.

Chellie13
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 7:33 AM

Let it go.

kaitybird
by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 9:11 PM

I agree....LET it go it seems to hold nothing but ugliness for you because your father and his side of the family didn't care about you.  Why would you want something that belonged to him??  You live in another country so why be bothered with something here.  You should just let well enough alone.  For me there is this thing between the lines if you are going to start proceedings so that you can contest this or what ever it is you want to do.  

You seem to be living a great life and are much better off than what you use to be as you said it pretty well since by the age of 28 you owned so much.  I am not great with grammar and would never claim to be but if I was a lawyer I would sure make sure that I could spell the correct way especially the word JEALOUS!  Who cares what you are entitled to but since you would like to do the GOOD CHRISTIAN thing then that would be to let it go and have nothing to do with it!

Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.  As for what Coey G said I think to some point if she didn't bother you she would have NEVER gotten under your skin and by that I mean you wouldn't keep replying to her!  :)  If you ever read any of her posts she will do it to get a rile out of us!  I am guilty of going back and forth with her!  :)  It is my belief that she has a world of experience!  

mamalusbear
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2012 at 9:30 PM

I would just let it go.  You're going to hurt your cousin too if you try to sue everyone.  You're grown now with your own possessions and your own daughter, it's time to let things go; you're only hurting yourself by staying angry.  Your energy is better spent elsewhere.

haute_couture
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting kaitybird:

I agree....LET it go it seems to hold nothing but ugliness for you because your father and his side of the family didn't care about you.  Why would you want something that belonged to him??  You live in another country so why be bothered with something here.  You should just let well enough alone.  For me there is this thing between the lines if you are going to start proceedings so that you can contest this or what ever it is you want to do.  

You seem to be living a great life and are much better off than what you use to be as you said it pretty well since by the age of 28 you owned so much.  I am not great with grammar and would never claim to be but if I was a lawyer I would sure make sure that I could spell the correct way especially the word JEALOUS!  Who cares what you are entitled to but since you would like to do the GOOD CHRISTIAN thing then that would be to let it go and have nothing to do with it!

Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.  As for what Coey G said I think to some point if she didn't bother you she would have NEVER gotten under your skin and by that I mean you wouldn't keep replying to her!  :)  If you ever read any of her posts she will do it to get a rile out of us!  I am guilty of going back and forth with her!  :)  It is my belief that she has a world of experience!  

Thank you very much for your reply! I really appreciate it. As far as my grammar abilities I have to point again - I do not live in another country. I live and work in my country of birth which is Bulgaria and where my father lives. I have never lived or worked in Great Britain,  USA or any English speaking country. I have only studied English in high school and I find my level of speaking, writing and understanding quite satisfacory. The official language in our courts is still Bulgarian so I do not experience any difficulties in doing my job because of my spelling or writing  mistakes in one of the languages I speak. Except English I use 6 other languages with the same fluency.  As far as Coey G - if she were a world of experience she wouldn`t  accuse anyone of lying just because she knows nothing of his world...

haute_couture
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 6:40 PM


Quoting Jadegirl1819:


Quoting haute_couture:


Quoting Jadegirl1819:


Quoting haute_couture:


Quoting nessac1987:

I think i would just have to ignore it. You didn't have much growing up yet you became a lawyer. Your children don't need things handed to them but earned for their hard work. And your brother will egh.. Tuffy situation.. Its his choice if he wants to fight for the cottage. Let him decide.. Either way good luck to everyone in this situation

Thank you for your reply. Hard work could be very different. It could be humiliating, as it was mine when I was younger. It could be creative, constructive and purposeful when you have your home and some funds besides you and when you don`t have to struggle for every bite of food. This is what I will give my daugher. The question is should I add another 20 000 EUR to her future, or should I leave it to my cousin...



Do you mean the house was yours when you were younger because it has never been yours.  It was your grandparents and then your fathers, never yours. 

No, I meant my hard work when I was younger. It was humiliating.

And yes - the house belonged to my grand parents, then to dad and finally dad donated it to my cousin. As I mentioned I`ve seen dad about 10 times in my life, never seen grandma, seen grandpa 2 or 3 times. How do you think, what is the difference between me and my cousin? Why she would be the one to have it? Why should they care more about her than me? Why should they act as if me and my brother don`t exist?

Why should she be the one to have it?  Because she is the one it was given to.  Not you.  Not your brother.  I can't tell you why he was/is a bad father to you but going in and trying to go against his wishes and take the house from your cousin isn't going to make you feel better.  You don't need it and your daughter doesn't need it.  You are being petty and trying to get revenge for the hurt his lack of love has caused you.  It won't make you feel better.  Find a therapist and start working through your issues.

Sounds reasonable, thank you.

haute_couture
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 6:43 PM


Quoting mamalusbear:

I would just let it go.  You're going to hurt your cousin too if you try to sue everyone.  You're grown now with your own possessions and your own daughter, it's time to let things go; you're only hurting yourself by staying angry.  Your energy is better spent elsewhere.

thank you

robyann
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:32 PM

 Since you are interested in opinions on what you should do from a Christian stand point, what would be the Christian thing to do. I feel you should just let it go. He left it to your cousin, let her/him have it. That man (your father), never gave you anything, was not interested in your upbringing, therefore I wouldn't want anything from him now. I think if you take this to court and try to fight for the property it will bring up more bad feelings in you than anything. You have provided for your child and she doesn't need this.

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 9 & counting!

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