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he doesn't want to be alone with our kids...

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We have a 3year old daughter and 2month old son and he refuses to be alone with them for more than 20min.

 

hes gotten to go out with his friends by himself which im extremely jealous of because every time I try to go anywhere by myself he doesn't let me :( I either have to take one of the kids usually both or the whole family goes!!

I'll ask kindly or say its ok baabe I can go shopping by myself you can stay home and he always says no I'll  go.

 

One time I asked if he wanted to go to the store with the kids and I or stay home his response was "if I stay home is mason staying with me?" masons our son I said yes so he said he wss coming.

 

I just want alone time/me time :(:(:(

 

How do I get that through to him???!  

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Replies (21-30):
LucyHarper
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:50 PM

I would tell him to grow up and take care of his kids like a real man. I'm more concerned about the effects that will have on the kids then alone time.

TexanMomOf6
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 3:26 PM

Thank you. It took me a while to learn that if I go in with "guns a-shooting" (as some of the posts say to do), that's what  they will do too.  It is much better to peacefully and quietly teach someone what you need without pointing out that is your goal.  

Quoting erinsmom1964:

Finally a reasonable and intelligent response

Quoting TexanMomOf6:

If he doesn't want to watch the kids, I don't really think the solution is to force him. I suggest you have him "watch" the kids while you go sit in the tub with a book for a half hour or more. That way you are there but he's in charge. You can get him used to watching the little ones for increasing time periods all the while staying within a few minutes from the house.

Most men do not do well with infants, they think the baby is so delicate and they are so big and strong that they would hurt the baby. It's normal.


stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:18 PM

My boyfriend has never really been afraid of staying with the kids but the first time I asked if he could bathe our daughter when she was a newborn he was scared. He was like "you trust me to give a newborn a bath?" I was like "yes, why?" apparently even though he was comfortable watching and taking care of older kids he didn't have a lot of experience with babies and was afraid to hurt her, though he did change diapers and feed her (after I quit breastfeeding). I would definatly talk to him, I mean would he never let you go anywhere when your 3 year old was a baby? He could be afraid, but you need to talk to him, maybe help him out for a bit and like another suggested, have him watch them while you take a long bath or something to start out.

If its not that he's afraid then he does just need to do it, he should let you have time alone to go out by yourself, me and my boyfriend take turns, he goes out with friends sometimes and other times I go out, and then of course we have times his parents watch them so we can spend alone time together. It's important that he learn that he ends up watching them occasionally, it can be hard to stay sane if there is never any time for yourself.

lauren11988
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:43 PM

You actually look pretty young.. So im guessing the husband/boyfriend is also pretty young.. Most guys around that age are scared of little kids and arnt sure that they can take care of them properly.. My boyfriend hates little kids right now. Well not hate exactly but he is scared of taking care of them. And my boyfriend and urs would probably be around that same age.. Just talk with your man and let him its ok and that the children wont get hurt and that you just need a little time alone cause you need to relax from all the stress.

ihave1
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:03 PM

 when my dd was younger my dh didnt want to be alone w/ her.  It wasn't b/c he didnt care, but he was afraid & he wasnt sure what to do w/ her.  Now that she is 2 they spend more time together & I get some alone time!!  yay baby!!

lazyd
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 7:32 PM

Just walk out the door!  The first couple of times, make sure that your kids are fed and clean and its not nap or bedtime.  Your man needs to MAN UP!  Have you actually talked about why he doesnt want to be alone with them?  If it is his insecurities than tell him he wont learn until he does it. 

kryysteez
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 8:55 PM

I dont blame him because there are thousands of parents and daycare workers AND BOYFRIENDS are in prison from being falsely accused and convicted of SHAKING THE BABY..  The baby stopped breathing and they called 911.  Their stories are all the same.  They dont know why it happened, they just know that they didnt do anything to cause the baby to stop breathing.  I have been researching SBS for the past 7 years because it is so disturbing that the Medical Assoc. hasnt come forth with the true cause of it.

The Medical Association has made it policy to diagnose SHAKEN BABY when Retinal and Subdural hemorrhaging is seen (this started about 30 years ago but has never been proven).  So when they see this they notify police and CPS who blame who ever brought the child in.  In most all cases it is not the parents at all.  Most of these babies had received VACCINES just prior to this happening.  Vaccines can and do cause brain hemorrhaging.  It IS stated in the vaccine package insert.  It is much easier for them to blame someone rather than a standard medical procedure that makes them LOTS of money.  They NEVER (almost never) blame vaccines for any reason.  If they did people would stop getting vaccinated.  They PUSH all kinds of vaccines today.  An over-vaccinated child or adult is a very chronicly ill person, physically and mentally USUALLY..  Vaccines contain many toxic ingredients that harm the immune system.  When an infant cannot handle this assault, it causes brain hemorrhaging and causes the infant to stop breathing.  There is no broken neck or bruises to indicate violence or shaking.  There should be more testing on the baby but it usually doesnt happen. Once all eyes are on the accused, nothing else is done.  Its very hard to win against doctors.  The jury believes them.  These cases are your worst nightmare with a horrible ending.  Many get a LIFE sentence.  Many are torchered in prison.  Some commit suicide before conviction.(the cop and wife in Colorado).  Its all over the internet about FALSELY ACCUSED OF SHAKEN BABY,  many INNOCENCE PROJECTS working on these cases, but yet they continue to accuse to this day.  Be careful if you vaccinate your child.  Studies show the UN-vaccinated children are far healthier than the vaccinated.

monkeymom1104
by Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:04 PM
Does he care for them when your around? Would you feel comfortable just leaving? If you did I think you would have done so. I like the the bathtub idea. I don't think you should just walk out, I think that's a high stress situation your babies don't need.
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CoeyG
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:13 PM


Quoting TexanMomOf6:

If he doesn't want to watch the kids, I don't really think the solution is to force him. I suggest you have him "watch" the kids while you go sit in the tub with a book for a half hour or more. That way you are there but he's in charge. You can get him used to watching the little ones for increasing time periods all the while staying within a few minutes from the house.

Most men do not do well with infants, they think the baby is so delicate and they are so big and strong that they would hurt the baby. It's normal.

He helped to make those kids so he should be willing to help watch them when their mother needs time.  Most men don't do well with infants because they are rarely left alone with them.  No one expected my ex to do so well with our daughter but one day the laundry had to be done and he wasn't going to the laundromat to do it and I couldn't take our two week old baby out there.  So daddy had to watch the baby for a couple of hours and he did splendidly!  He even changed a poopy diaper!  His entire family was amazed at that one.  The next time laundry needed to be done he volunteered to watch the baby and when I got back home he had her in her car seat and he was reading to her from his Statistics book...and she was listening!  The only way to get a man to get used to watching his kids is to force him to do it   

robyann
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:16 PM

 I'd say he is scared, he isn't sure if he'll be able to take care of them. Explain to him that you need a break sometimes and that learning to take care of his kids his something he has to do as a father. Tell him your going to the store and you'll be back in one hour, next week, stay gone a bit longer. Once he's made it 2 hours straight, I"d say he's got the idea. So now you can get a night out with the girls.

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 9 & counting!

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