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he doesn't want to be alone with our kids...

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We have a 3year old daughter and 2month old son and he refuses to be alone with them for more than 20min.

 

hes gotten to go out with his friends by himself which im extremely jealous of because every time I try to go anywhere by myself he doesn't let me :( I either have to take one of the kids usually both or the whole family goes!!

I'll ask kindly or say its ok baabe I can go shopping by myself you can stay home and he always says no I'll  go.

 

One time I asked if he wanted to go to the store with the kids and I or stay home his response was "if I stay home is mason staying with me?" masons our son I said yes so he said he wss coming.

 

I just want alone time/me time :(:(:(

 

How do I get that through to him???!  

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:08 PM
Replies (31-39):
Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:31 PM

Have you asked him why?  I don't have this problem, but if I did...I would talk to him about it.

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AuntyEm774
by Bronze Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:59 AM
Mine has been the same way. He will take one or two but almost never all three. If I truly need to go somewhere alone I have to find a sitter which is almost impossible. He will watch them if I put them all to bed before I go, so I can run at night if its just groceries or time I need.
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ceciliam
by Cecilia on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:07 AM

Have you talked with him about your feelings?

RLT2
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:08 AM

Just go-tell him you're going and do it

spotsmom
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:45 AM

You're asking. Stop asking, and tell him that you're going. Does he ask when he goes out alone? If so, stop saying yes. If he goes anyway...well, then so can you.

Aurora-Dove
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:47 AM

I third this.

Quoting JasonsMom2007:

This. Get to the bottom of the problem instead of creating more


Quoting hippiechik3:

He might be scared. Maybe he isnt sure of him self an his abilty to take care of them. Talk to him about it and be honest. Make sure he understands that you need sometime to your self.




nelliesmommy
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 6:58 AM
They're his kids too. He needs to stop being an asshole. You desearve mommy time also.
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kelliewhitney
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:23 AM

Depending on your family situation, there are many ways to go about this. If you are a SAHM and your 2 month old is used to being around you all day, you may want to find ways to spend time with friends with the baby. I know that my little ones would freak out as infants if I was gone for more than a few minutes. If they are not in a day-care situation, that is normal. It's not a bad thing.

Now that I work and DH stays home with the kids (he has no choice, as he is disabled and my job provides us with silly things like food), the 3-year-old is fine (our youngest, "suprise!!!"  baby). However, if I had a tiny baby, I would not be away from her unless absolutely necessary. Pop DS in a sling and meet your frineds close to home. Your DH and the 3-year-old will survive.

If he is OK with either one individually without you, then he needs to try to take on the task of managing both without you for short periods of time. I have seen how my DH and my kids have bonded wonderfully while I am at work. Our kids are older, but we have more of them than you, and they have many more responsibilities and activities. If he can make it fly, then your DH should be able to at least try to let you out every now and then alone. Try to find a place close by that you can meet up with friends and be "on call" in case of real emergencies. If the baby is OK with him, just make sure there are things for the toddler to do while you are gone, like printable coloring pages, or eve, "GASP" using an electronig device for 60 minutes.

Again, I get your feelings, but your DS is only 2 months old and needs his mama. And, now that you have a toddler you probably understand that a baby strapped to you is NOTHING compared to the needs of an older child (unless your baby is colicky, in chich case, you need to hand him off for at least an hour a few times a week, even if you only go sleep in your car in the driveway!).

He's probably just afraid of caring for a 2month old while keeping a toddler safe. Understandable. Would he prefer a completely depressed, insane wife? You probably listen to all sorts of noise while you are at home with the two kids. He can deal with some crying for 30-60 mnutes so you can regain your sanity. Perhaps he needs to learn the difference between the "I'm pissed off" cry and the "I REALLY need mommy" cry. If your grocery store is close, that may be a place to start the mommy-time-off trips. I know it sounds pathetic to use errands as a Zen moment, but if the kids are OK while you grocery shop for an hour, they should be fine if you meet friends for coffee for an hour.

One more alternative: Invite your friends over to your home. If they love you and understand that you have a tiny baby, they will understand. DH and the kids can be in the kiddos' room(s). He can have strict instructions that unless there is blood, you are not to be disturbed. As a mom, you will know if he needs help (BTW, a poopy diaper does NOT require you help...it took DH and I three kids to learn this!). Have a glass of wine with your friends and talk with the comfort of knowing that DH and the kids are around the corner (but not allowed to come out unless necessary). If you have something like an iPad for Dad and the older child to use while settling the youngest, that is not a bad thing.

CoeyG
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:36 AM


Quoting spotsmom:

You're asking. Stop asking, and tell him that you're going. Does he ask when he goes out alone? If so, stop saying yes. If he goes anyway...well, then so can you.

This, you are his wife, you don't need permission to have time to yourself.  They are his kids too, just tell him "I'm going to the store  and you are going to take care of the kids." Than take the keys and go.  Once he does it a few times he will get used to it.  Heck mine would be heading out to Lowe's or Home Depot and I'd  tell him to take our daughter with him!

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