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Im so depressed I love my husband but idk what to do about the skeletons in the closet.. so to speak.

My husband was sexting girls the whole time we were together before we got married (i didnt find out till after we were married and i was pregnant). We talked about it and he said he stopped 2 weeks before we got married. (im not making excuses but alot of stressful things happened to him and he was depressed alot the whole time and never got help). A few days ago I went to get a phone # off his email and I found a bunch of girls email addresses in his contacts. Well that peaked my interest so i snooped a little more and found he sent 1 message to a girl since weve been married all it said was can i have more pics.(she never answered and he said it stopped there) she had some sexy(slutty) pics up on craigslist and thats what he was talking about. ( now when this was sent i was at my families vacation home with my kids for about a week a little more 10 days). 

(TMI) and just so everyone knows we are very passionate still neither one of us can even kiss the other without getting a little HOT lol

I know i have a right to get upset but I also dont know how to really proceed now. We obviously talked about it and he said we can go to counseling because he feels he needs it to deal with his past as well as his present.

Can anyone give me any advice?

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 9:53 AM
Replies (11-14):
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 6:17 PM

People do change, but only when they want to. If you feel like your husband is not going to do it again, be satisfied with the talks you've already had. But if you're still worried (and I might be, if I were you) talk to him about it a little more. Find out why he did it in the first place, what his triggers were and try to prevent them. Be there for him emotionally as well as pysically. Be friends as well as lovers. Make a strong base at home so he has no desire to go anywhere else. Good luck, I hope this helps and I'm sorry everyone else has been so rude on this post.

by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 6:19 PM
Tell him what you found. Talk it out.
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by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 6:25 PM

Were not young and were both very mature im a nurse my husband is a welder and an electrical engineer we own a town house we rent out and we also have a beach house plus my MIL and FIL still say they are "HOT" for each other

Quoting CoeyG:

Sounds like the both of you are very immature, and shouldn't be married let alone parents...sigh You gave yourself away by saying what you did about getting "hot" when you kiss....grown ups are a wee bit more realisitic when they get pissed a kiss isn't going to do anything when they know their partner has been cheating whether physically or not. 

by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 6:46 PM

I really hope the counseling helps, but its really up to him if he can stop getting dirty pics and sexting with other women, if he is getting dirty pics from someone more than likely there was sex talk as well, though of course its hard to say if he actually went and did anything, what he was doing is bad enough. You definatly need to find out why he wants to keep doing those things because he should not have married you if he can't control his urges. I don't see it as snooping finding those girls in his contacts list since he said you could go in his contacts. Did he admit that they were women he had gotten pics from or talked dirty with? Otherwise are you sure they aren't just old friends? I have a ton of people in my contacts in my email that I havent' talked to in years, I simply forgot about them and havent bothered going through to delete people.

Also when I was married me and my now ex had a lot of issues, we split for awhile and he hooked up with a friend of mine, after we got back together I was somewhat suspicious and he wouldn't talk to me about anything, he'd talk on the phone away from me and text and hide what he was texting. I was bothered and he never would say anything when I tried to talk to him about why he was ignoring me all the time and why he was gone all the time. I did snoop because he was acting suspicious and wouldn't talk to me about things, I found a number in his phone that I sort of recognized but it said "mom's friend". I searched his texts and found "i love you" texts even though they were before we got back together, he was still talking to this woman who had been my friend and he hooked up with while we were seperated and said "i love you" to after only a few weeks, and by the way had been sleeping in the same bed as her before we split as he was staying with friends and I was staying at my moms because we had no where to live and my mom hated him. Anyway, my marriage ended, his lying and so many other things, but finding out he was lying about talking to her (and the fact he was gone all the time and wasn't working) was the last straw. What I'm trying to say is at least your husband is talking to you about it, I really do hope the counseling helps you and he can stop doing these things and that you can forgive and he can make it up to you somehow. It is very hard however to ever trust again, even if there wasn't physical cheating.

What I understand from your "when we kiss we still get hot for each other" comment is that he isn't doing this because of a lack of passion in the marriage, I just hope that he can stop feeling the need to contact women for pics and dirty talk when he has a wife he supposedly is still passionate about and loves. He'd be a lot better off looking up porn (if that doesn't bother you) than getting women to send him pics, at least he won't be talking to them or having a chance to meet up with them...I just wish you lots of luck and don't really have much for advice.

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