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venting about baby dad & custody (kinda long)

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I won't get into too much detail about what happened before Dd was born because it is a lot (unless you want to know and think it'd help with anything). I just need to vent because dd father is being a jerk right now about things. She was born the 14th so she is only 2 weeks old. Her dad wants to take her for a few hours to overnight already. She is ebf and I don't produce extra milk to be able to give him any for an overnight stay or a visit. He is saying that out of spite I am trying to keep her from him, which is not the case. Also, the pediatrician told me not to take her out much during winter, wait 3-6 months or until winter is over because of the flu/rsv season. Well her father doesn't believe me and wants proof which I am getting, but now he wants to take me to court. He had threatened me before she was born that he was going to take me to court and get primary.

He decided not to sign the acknowledgment of paternity or for her birth cert/social at the hospital. He's done a lot of stuff lately that makes me unhappy such as he has only seen her 3x since she was born,(twice in the hospital but left right after delivery) he puts his gfs daughter over her and he only asks about how shes doing MAYBE once a week. 

I'm extremely attached to her, and I am also afraid to let him have her for an hour or even overnight because he has anger issues.. I also don't know his gf, and with how he is I'm afraid he would basically kidnap.her and not bring her back to me. He won't let me have his address where he is currently living either which makes me very uneasy.

There's probably a lot more to tell, but ill start with all this first and see if anyone has opinions or suggestions. Please don't be mean about stuff though.

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by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 9:40 PM
Replies (21-30):
CoeyG
by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 2:20 PM


Quoting elzmnsf:

Legally he is not the father. They weren't married at the birth and he refused to sign the paternity form. As of right now he would be just some dude taking a baby, not a father getting his kid. He would have to go to court to establish paternity before he could do anything simply because he didn't sign the form. If he has doubts he should request a test pronto, if not then he cut off his nose to spite his face in this situation.


Quoting CoeyG:

You first need an order of custody, until then he can take the baby anytime he wants for as long as he wants becuase he is the father.  


So, all he has to do is supeona for a DNA test 

Kimi258
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 3:06 PM


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting elzmnsf:

Legally he is not the father. They weren't married at the birth and he refused to sign the paternity form. As of right now he would be just some dude taking a baby, not a father getting his kid. He would have to go to court to establish paternity before he could do anything simply because he didn't sign the form. If he has doubts he should request a test pronto, if not then he cut off his nose to spite his face in this situation.


Quoting CoeyG:

You first need an order of custody, until then he can take the baby anytime he wants for as long as he wants becuase he is the father.  


So, all he has to do is supeona for a DNA test 

That will still take a while to get the court order for the test, get results then go to court for custody and visitation. If you give him the baby now, you lose ground. LEGALLY right now he is not the father. If he took her he could get kidnapping charges pressed against him because he has no documents saying he is the father. Write down all your conversations with him  in a designated notebook with dates and times.. It will help you in court so if you can't specifically remember something important you have it written down for help. And he can't get overnight visits right now anyway so don't worry about that. I mean technically right now he gets NOTHING until paternity is established. Good luck. Congrats on the new baby! PM me if you want.

lazyd
by Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 3:21 PM

Document everything.  Keep all text.  Keep recorded voice mail.  Since your ex did not sign any papers in the hospital than he is "denying" that he is the father and he would be just some "stranger" tryin to take a baby cuz even if your ex got a birth certificate his name wouldnt be on it, so he has no way of proofing that he is the father.  FILE FOR CS RIGHT NOW!  That way your ex will have to take a dna test.  I dont know if you would have to put your ex's name on the birth certificate than or not.  Than go to court to file for custody rights in regards to visitation, etc.  DO NOT let your ex walk out the door with your baby.  If he comes to your house and than tries to leave with her, you can call the cops.  I guess that's one way to get his address, cuz the cops would demand it from him!  You are breast feeding & even if you weren't it is still too young for over nights with other people.   

CoeyG
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:19 PM


Quoting Kimi258:


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting elzmnsf:

Legally he is not the father. They weren't married at the birth and he refused to sign the paternity form. As of right now he would be just some dude taking a baby, not a father getting his kid. He would have to go to court to establish paternity before he could do anything simply because he didn't sign the form. If he has doubts he should request a test pronto, if not then he cut off his nose to spite his face in this situation.


Quoting CoeyG:

You first need an order of custody, until then he can take the baby anytime he wants for as long as he wants becuase he is the father.  


So, all he has to do is supeona for a DNA test 

That will still take a while to get the court order for the test, get results then go to court for custody and visitation. If you give him the baby now, you lose ground. LEGALLY right now he is not the father. If he took her he could get kidnapping charges pressed against him because he has no documents saying he is the father. Write down all your conversations with him  in a designated notebook with dates and times.. It will help you in court so if you can't specifically remember something important you have it written down for help. And he can't get overnight visits right now anyway so don't worry about that. I mean technically right now he gets NOTHING until paternity is established. Good luck. Congrats on the new baby! PM me if you want.

It doesn't take that long for him to get the results and if he files for visitation before the tests the court will get the results first  and a detemination will be made at that time.  It's not like they do it on the Maury Show.

Kimi258
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 1:51 AM


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting Kimi258:

 

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting elzmnsf:

Legally he is not the father. They weren't married at the birth and he refused to sign the paternity form. As of right now he would be just some dude taking a baby, not a father getting his kid. He would have to go to court to establish paternity before he could do anything simply because he didn't sign the form. If he has doubts he should request a test pronto, if not then he cut off his nose to spite his face in this situation.


Quoting CoeyG:

You first need an order of custody, until then he can take the baby anytime he wants for as long as he wants becuase he is the father.  


So, all he has to do is supeona for a DNA test 

That will still take a while to get the court order for the test, get results then go to court for custody and visitation. If you give him the baby now, you lose ground. LEGALLY right now he is not the father. If he took her he could get kidnapping charges pressed against him because he has no documents saying he is the father. Write down all your conversations with him  in a designated notebook with dates and times.. It will help you in court so if you can't specifically remember something important you have it written down for help. And he can't get overnight visits right now anyway so don't worry about that. I mean technically right now he gets NOTHING until paternity is established. Good luck. Congrats on the new baby! PM me if you want.

It doesn't take that long for him to get the results and if he files for visitation before the tests the court will get the results first  and a detemination will be made at that time.  It's not like they do it on the Maury Show.

What does the Maury Show have to do with this? Those results are pretty fast so your point is nothing. Filing for all this stuff does take time. Months actually to usually even get to court. They want you to do mediation before you even get to court and you have to make an appointment to do it. 

MichelleJ1000
by Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 1:57 AM
I agree with the other ladies, file for custody immediately and don't tell him about it.
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LABELmeCUTE
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 2:01 AM
I've dealt with something kind if like this...& first off he's a real life CLOWN if he thinks you're going to let your newborn stay overnight With him!! That's just crazy of him!! It doesn't seem like he has her best interest right now, goto court and get some kind of document saying you want supervised visits...
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sassygoddess
by Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:56 AM

 She already said he refused to sign the paternity acknowledgement or the birth certificate so he has no rights at the moment.  She doesn't have to let him see her at all.

Quoting SexyTeacher:

He does NOT need a DNA test for paternity! He can sign the birth certificate and be done with it. I doubt the courts would let him take the baby overnight. Maybe for 4-5 hours at most. Both you and he need to get a custody and visitation order in place.

 

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 12:34 PM


Quoting youngmom16:


He decided not to sign the acknowledgment of paternity or for her birth cert/social at the hospital. He's done a lot of stuff lately that makes me unhappy such as he has only seen her 3x since she was born,(twice in the hospital but left right after delivery) he puts his gfs daughter over her and he only asks about how shes doing MAYBE once a week. 

A few things that confuse me -

He refused to officially acknowledge that he is her parent by not signing the papers  when she was born, but has been (both before and after her birth)  threatening to get full custody of her?

Why, and how, if he refuses to admit he is her father?

Also, you are mad that he has only seen her "3x", "MAYBE once a week", since she was born. Yet you state that your daughter is only 2.5 WEEKS old. 

How much more do you want him to be there? Especially with his "anger issues"?

There is something fishy here.

If this is at all legit, than I suggest you contact an attorney as soon as possible. If you have no money, contact Legal Aid in your area.


caro100
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 12:46 PM

That's why women/girls need to be very careful of the sperm donors? baby Daddys they choose.  Seriously, you are always going to have problems.  Anger issues? Like I said should have not done that one.  Eventually, you are going to have to let DD go with him, and there are bottles and formula, I bf as well and with my second one had to supplement anyway, because I didn't make enough.  However, 2 weeks is a little young for her to be taken out without you overnight, but an hour or two is not going to hurt and you ex probably doesn't feel comfortable around you.  There is no good solution. If baby daddy hasn't signed the birth certificate he's shot himself in the foot.  The judge is not going to look kindly on the fact especially if he has paternity test and show that he is indeed the father.  Good luck.

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