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help with dealing with daycare provider

Posted by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM
  • 166 Replies
2 moms liked this

I took care of my son for his first 14 months and then he started daycare.He has completed 7 weeks so far and he is very well adjusted.

So yes, separation anxiety is my issue, not my lo's.

today after I picked him up from daycare, I noticed that he had the pink eye so I texted his daycare provider to let her know that I thought he had the pink eye.

She texted me back right away.First she said she didnt notice anything strange and then she said that she couldnt handle my demands and that I needed to look for a different provider.Yes you may wonder how we jump from reporting pink eye to her to being asked to look for a different daycare.

Well she texted me asking if she could call me. So over the phone, it was eaiser to make herself understood.

She said she feels that she is checked on everything she does as I have asked questions such as :

1.how was my lo dressed during the day? (I asked that this week when the temperature dropped to 60 and he was in a t-shirt).

2. do you know why his dirty clothes were soaking wet? (she said my lo was drinking water from a sippy cup and someone oushed him and he got wet.It easnt just wet.It looked like an entire cup fell on him> so I told her if she wanted a different sippy cup.)

3, when was the last time he ate? (she does not post the meal times and I was just trying to figure out when his next meal needed to be as it was a day I had picked him up later than usual)

So when I ask questions, I dont do is in a mean way but just to know and to offer a solution,Just like with the sippy cup and all I was trying to do was to see if she wanted me to take a sippy as she has been providing one for me lo.

I believe we have cleared the problems after our phone talk and I dio understand it is an adjustment for me.so please send me suggestions or encouragement.,I do see that my lo is happy there but do I just have to shut up and accept the fact that i dont see what goes on for 7 hours every day??

I want to clarify that i wasnt complaining about my lo getting the pink eye.I was just informing her

we ended up our conversation stating that we both feel comfortable with my son continuing there but I do need experienced mom's support

help!!!

update to answer some of your questions:

menu:

she does not give parents a sample menu like some daycares.she has a bulletin board where she posts pictures of the food they will eat.

schedule:

no schedule is posted

daily report:

my son has spent the past week of october there and the month of november and i have received 3 sheets with a daily report.one time she gave me one as my son had a fever so it was detailed.she gives a quick verbal report when i go to pivk him up but is not as detailed as the paper reports.she basically says: he slept well, ate well and had a good day.

general questions:

it is a home daycare and she is licensed to have 14 kids.she has 12 and one assistant.the assistasnt works hard.she has a lot of accreditations including national.so she has credit unions under her belt.she was probably having a bad day and i might start looking for another provider but what i am also getting from many mothers is that they all have something we do not like and you just have to deal with the one that you can tollerate more...i guess

also, i want to say that i feel that daycare provider should realize that my lo spends 9 hours there and by the time i pick him up, i only have 3 hours to spend with him before he goes to bed.in 3 hours, i can't tell if he is having regular bms, if he id well, etc etc..she has a lot of moms that take kids for a shorter period

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
scraphappy12
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:02 AM
33 moms liked this
I don't feel like your questions were out of line. I think if the babysitter is acting put out with your questions and doesn't like you asking about your child I begin to wonder what they are afraid of you finding out and I would look else where.
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sreichelt26
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:07 AM
17 moms liked this
My thoughts exactly. Your questions were completely normal to ask. The red flag for me was when you were informing her about the pink eye and her first response was that she didn't notice anything. Her response *should* have been, "oh thanks! I'll let the other parents know about the exposure."

Sounds like they have things to hide.


Quoting scraphappy12:

I don't feel like your questions were out of line. I think if the babysitter is acting put out with your questions and doesn't like you asking about your child I begin to wonder what they are afraid of you finding out and I would look else where.
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sleepymommy87
by Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:15 AM
12 moms liked this
If my babysitter had a problem with me being A MOM I would fire HER not the other way around. He is your child and you have a right to question his care. You pay for a service and if she can't handle a parent asking questions about their child then she probably should not be taking care of other people's kids.
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mamakin616
by Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:47 AM
4 moms liked this

It is not normal for anyone that is watching your child ..especially someone who is supposed to be a professional caretaker and getting paid for thier time...to have a problem with answering any number of questions that you have.Is this a licensed daycare?if so you woud think that the woman is  used to having to answer questions .I would find someone else that has no problem discussing what went on with my child during his/her time in their care.This is your child and your paying for her service ...it is her job to answer to you ...she works for you.Some daycares seem to forget this because the kids come to them,it does not matter where they watch your kids ,when they are hired to care for them you are thier employer...They had better be able to answer any thing at any time..without hesitation or feeling threatened.

CoeyG
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:53 AM
16 moms liked this

To me it sounds like you're "grilling" her or putting her in the "hot seat" with your questions.  In Day Cares mealtimes are usually just about the same time everyday.  So if he ate lunch yesterday   at 12:30 he probably had lunch today at that time or by 1:00 at least.  If they get an afternoon snack that is usually the same time as well If he had a snack yesterday at 3:00 you can sort of figure he had snack the same time today.  Those are what are considered "givens" You don't need to constantly question it.  I don't know what the problem of him wearing a tee shirt in 60 degree weather is kids dress that way around here all the time.  It is actually better for a child to be well "climatized" to the weather changes, that way their bodies are less susceptible to the severe changes from warm to cold and that makes it easier for the body to fight off illness.  The accident with the cup was just that an accidentHe wasn't hurt, only wet.  I think what the Day Care provider was trying to tell you is that you need to relax and let the day care do their job.  They don't need you constantly giving them a complete run down of your son's day, they have other children there to care for, not just your son and if they answer all of your questions they will have to do the same for every mother and if they do that there isn't anyone to care for the children because they are all caring for the parent's needs.  So she was telling you that if you wanted him to have totally one on one attention, the day care setting isn't going to be work out.  Now he is enjoying being with the other kids, and you have to make a choice do you want him to have total one on one attention or do you want him in a day care  where the caregivers are tending to other children as well as your's.  

ballerossandra
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:53 AM

yesm licensed and since they are across from a college, they have a number of people waiting as probably many students would want to take kids there.so she is probably used to young moms and I am 40 and I didtell her that during our conversations.she seemed to undersdtand that being a first time mom at 40 is different from the young moms she usually see

Quoting mamakin616:

It is not normal for anyone that is watching your child ..especially someone who is supposed to be a professional caretaker and getting paid for thier time...to have a problem with answering any number of questions that you have.Is this a licensed daycare?if so you woud think that the woman is  used to having to answer questions .I would find someone else that has no problem discussing what went on with my child during his/her time in their care.This is your child and your paying for her service ...it is her job to answer to you ...she works for you.Some daycares seem to forget this because the kids come to them,it does not matter where they watch your kids ,when they are hired to care for them you are thier employer...They had better be able to answer any thing at any time..without hesitation or feeling threatened.


mjande4
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:33 AM
5 moms liked this

Whether you are 24 or 40, it doesn't matter.  Pushy is pushy.  I am going to have to agree with a previous poster you are "grilling" the provider over menial day to day activities.  You aren't going to get a run-down of the entire day and if that is what you desire, then you need to stay home with your child.  Second, if she has a waiting list and you are constantly making her feel like she's being interrogated, then you would be the first to go.  If she already has brought it up, then it's just a matter of time.  I don't think letting her know about pink eye is wrong, in fact I agree, but I do think it was the final "straw" with you.  Personally, I think you need to start looking for other care AND lower your communication expectations or you are going to find yourself looking for new childcare frequently.

Quoting ballerossandra:

yesm licensed and since they are across from a college, they have a number of people waiting as probably many students would want to take kids there.so she is probably used to young moms and I am 40 and I didtell her that during our conversations.she seemed to undersdtand that being a first time mom at 40 is different from the young moms she usually see

Quoting mamakin616:

It is not normal for anyone that is watching your child ..especially someone who is supposed to be a professional caretaker and getting paid for thier time...to have a problem with answering any number of questions that you have.Is this a licensed daycare?if so you woud think that the woman is  used to having to answer questions .I would find someone else that has no problem discussing what went on with my child during his/her time in their care.This is your child and your paying for her service ...it is her job to answer to you ...she works for you.Some daycares seem to forget this because the kids come to them,it does not matter where they watch your kids ,when they are hired to care for them you are thier employer...They had better be able to answer any thing at any time..without hesitation or feeling threatened.



KidWhisperer
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:53 AM
5 moms liked this

I think you are doing a great job. It's very hard to go to work and leave your child with someone else. It doesn't matter if they are the best daycare center in the world, no one takes care of your child like mommy does.  I disagree wholeheartedly with the people who think you are "grilling" the daycare provider with too many questions, or think you need to "lower your expectations". I personally would have a problem with anyone who takes offense to me asking questions about my child's day and if your childcare provider can't handle communicating with you then maybe she's right, it's not a good fit. That doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong, you just want to make sure your child is cared for in the best way possible.   I think the MOST important thing here is that you listen to your intuition and go with your instincts. We can all give our opinions, but my guess is you probably already know in your heart what is the right thing to do. Best of luck in your situation, and kudos for being a caring mom!!

emmy526
by Silver Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 7:56 AM
5 moms liked this

they should be giving you a daily report of what's going on with him...what he did during the day, what and how much he ate, why his clothes are dirty/wet, and the mood he was in.....we  ALWAYS gave our toddler's parents a daily paper in their cubby at the end of the day so the parent would know what kind of day their child had.  Sounds like your provider is negligent in some areas of communication. 

iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Well, I don't fault you for asking questions about your child's day!:) that is good.

It could be your approach. If you have a crazy look on your face, or maybe your tone sounds accusatory (even if it is not your intention!!), I might feel inadequate as a daycare provider. I would think that you didn't feel I was doing my best, if this was the deal day in and out.

My daughter has been in daycare since she was about one. It is extremely important to not only ask about how your child's day was--but to ask the people who take care of them how they are doing? To open a friendly dialogue from time to time. Also...doing something sweet for them from time to time helps. I would occasionally bring in donuts or some sort of goodies for just the teachers. I also bring the class a snack from time to time. The kids love that and it is another way to keep involved.

Is all that a requirement? No. But, these are the people taking care of your kid(s) and I think it is important to keep them happy, and feel loved.

Also, and I hate to say this...but some things you are going to have to let slide. Personally, if the wet clothes were in a bag and not on my child, I would not feel that needed questioning. Stuff happens. If there is a sudden change in attitude, in your son, I would start questioning. If there is a new procedure they are doing, ask.

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