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help with dealing with daycare provider

I took care of my son for his first 14 months and then he started daycare.He has completed 7 weeks so far and he is very well adjusted.

So yes, separation anxiety is my issue, not my lo's.

today after I picked him up from daycare, I noticed that he had the pink eye so I texted his daycare provider to let her know that I thought he had the pink eye.

She texted me back right away.First she said she didnt notice anything strange and then she said that she couldnt handle my demands and that I needed to look for a different provider.Yes you may wonder how we jump from reporting pink eye to her to being asked to look for a different daycare.

Well she texted me asking if she could call me. So over the phone, it was eaiser to make herself understood.

She said she feels that she is checked on everything she does as I have asked questions such as :

1.how was my lo dressed during the day? (I asked that this week when the temperature dropped to 60 and he was in a t-shirt).

2. do you know why his dirty clothes were soaking wet? (she said my lo was drinking water from a sippy cup and someone oushed him and he got wet.It easnt just wet.It looked like an entire cup fell on him> so I told her if she wanted a different sippy cup.)

3, when was the last time he ate? (she does not post the meal times and I was just trying to figure out when his next meal needed to be as it was a day I had picked him up later than usual)

So when I ask questions, I dont do is in a mean way but just to know and to offer a solution,Just like with the sippy cup and all I was trying to do was to see if she wanted me to take a sippy as she has been providing one for me lo.

I believe we have cleared the problems after our phone talk and I dio understand it is an adjustment for me.so please send me suggestions or encouragement.,I do see that my lo is happy there but do I just have to shut up and accept the fact that i dont see what goes on for 7 hours every day??

I want to clarify that i wasnt complaining about my lo getting the pink eye.I was just informing her

we ended up our conversation stating that we both feel comfortable with my son continuing there but I do need experienced mom's support


update to answer some of your questions:


she does not give parents a sample menu like some daycares.she has a bulletin board where she posts pictures of the food they will eat.


no schedule is posted

daily report:

my son has spent the past week of october there and the month of november and i have received 3 sheets with a daily report.one time she gave me one as my son had a fever so it was detailed.she gives a quick verbal report when i go to pivk him up but is not as detailed as the paper reports.she basically says: he slept well, ate well and had a good day.

general questions:

it is a home daycare and she is licensed to have 14 kids.she has 12 and one assistant.the assistasnt works hard.she has a lot of accreditations including national.so she has credit unions under her belt.she was probably having a bad day and i might start looking for another provider but what i am also getting from many mothers is that they all have something we do not like and you just have to deal with the one that you can tollerate more...i guess

also, i want to say that i feel that daycare provider should realize that my lo spends 9 hours there and by the time i pick him up, i only have 3 hours to spend with him before he goes to bed.in 3 hours, i can't tell if he is having regular bms, if he id well, etc etc..she has a lot of moms that take kids for a shorter period

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Replies (121-130):
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:37 PM
1 mom liked this

DO NOT LOWER YOUR COMMUNICATION EXPECTATIONS! Wow. I am at a loss with the fact that was even said. You are being a good mom. Period. I have my bachelors degree in early childhood and have worked in countless daycares and was the assistant director in one. Any one that knows how to do their job and is good at knows that the your relationship with the parents is just as important as your relationship with the children. You may want to change daycares, seeing as this woman clearly does not place any value on her relationship with you. You need to find a provider that wants to tell you all about your sons day and can tell you done to the minute what he was doing. It is her JOB to know these things. It is her JOB to tell you whatever it is that you want to know. He is your son and you are paying her. I promise you there are providers out there that will do this for you and be happy to do it. DO NOT settle for anything less! 

Quoting mjande4:

Whether you are 24 or 40, it doesn't matter.  Pushy is pushy.  I am going to have to agree with a previous poster you are "grilling" the provider over menial day to day activities.  You aren't going to get a run-down of the entire day and if that is what you desire, then you need to stay home with your child.  Second, if she has a waiting list and you are constantly making her feel like she's being interrogated, then you would be the first to go.  If she already has brought it up, then it's just a matter of time.  I don't think letting her know about pink eye is wrong, in fact I agree, but I do think it was the final "straw" with you.  Personally, I think you need to start looking for other care AND lower your communication expectations or you are going to find yourself looking for new childcare frequently.

Quoting ballerossandra:

yesm licensed and since they are across from a college, they have a number of people waiting as probably many students would want to take kids there.so she is probably used to young moms and I am 40 and I didtell her that during our conversations.she seemed to undersdtand that being a first time mom at 40 is different from the young moms she usually see

Quoting mamakin616:

It is not normal for anyone that is watching your child ..especially someone who is supposed to be a professional caretaker and getting paid for thier time...to have a problem with answering any number of questions that you have.Is this a licensed daycare?if so you woud think that the woman is  used to having to answer questions .I would find someone else that has no problem discussing what went on with my child during his/her time in their care.This is your child and your paying for her service ...it is her job to answer to you ...she works for you.Some daycares seem to forget this because the kids come to them,it does not matter where they watch your kids ,when they are hired to care for them you are thier employer...They had better be able to answer any thing at any time..without hesitation or feeling threatened.

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:53 PM

Quoting sreichelt26:

My thoughts exactly. Your questions were completely normal to ask. The red flag for me was when you were informing her about the pink eye and her first response was that she didn't notice anything. Her response *should* have been, "oh thanks! I'll let the other parents know about the exposure."

Sounds like they have things to hide.

Quoting scraphappy12:

I don't feel like your questions were out of line. I think if the babysitter is acting put out with your questions and doesn't like you asking about your child I begin to wonder what they are afraid of you finding out and I would look else where.


by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:59 PM
Wow my daycare provider (in-home) had no issues and usually tells me how the day went, if my kids were hellians, if they got in trouble or if her kids picked on mine, why the kids are in different clothes ect. We are very open with each other, out takes 2 to have a good relationship. It might take a couple of weeks to get used to each other. Sry no advice here and good luck.
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:02 PM

I am a provider of a preschool for 2-6 year olds. You have the right to ask ?s and receive answer back. She should never have said she can't provide childcare because of your demands. She should work elsewhere. You are suppose to feel comfortable and an open communication should be with director , teacher and parent. Never, never not ask questions when u feel like knowing something. She's unprofessional..is she the director or teacher?
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by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:04 PM

Well I don't know. I would not like a provider who got upset at those kind of questions. Those are completely normal questions to ask. 

When my son was 2ish he had a wonderful daycare provider. She had her schedule up on the wall that said what time they did everything what exactly they had for breakfast, lunch and snack, and what time they had them. Then she filled out a sheet for each kid about how the day went (most days) if they need a better coat or whatever. She was awesome. I never really had a lot of questions I needed to ask because it was all laid out and it was consistant with what my son told me. In fact, I had a hell of a time potty training my son, and within 2 weeks of being at her house she had him almost 100% potty trained he was out of diapers within a month of going there. She was freaking amazing. There are great providers out there, you just have to really search. This lady sounds 'ok' but I would just bet there are much better out there.

Also I sent my DD to an actual daycare a couple days a week for a while when she was 2, just for a couple of hours since I mainly stayed home, but needed to do some stuff at my son's school. They were the same way, everything laid out, times they were doing things, what they were eating, if they went outside, ect.

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH........GET A NEW DAYCARE!!!!! If she can't handle those questons whats going to happen when your son comes home with a bruise??  There is absolutely NO problems with your questions at all.  HELLO you NEED to know when your child last ate.  What is really going on there that she can't handle your questions??  When my daycare acted like that I found out from another parent that the children were being locked in a room to play ALL DAY LONG.  PLEASE FIND NEW DAY CARE!!!!

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:19 PM

I know it's hard to send your kids to daycare. I had to send my first son to daycare. I was a single mother and had to work.

But it's not acceptable to bother the daycare providers all day with questions like "Why is my kid's shirt wet?" It seems as if you're accusing them of spraying your child down with a hose or something. Kids get wet, dirty, covered in paint and once, my son even came home with a booger in his hair. If your son was dry when you picked him up, that is awesome. They changed his clothes like they should have.

You being a worry wart I'm sure you did some research into the daycare center before you put your child there.There are child care centers that have cameras installed so that you can watch what you're kid is up to while you're at work by logging into their webiste. Maybe you should try a place like that.

I'm sure your daycare provider didn't just say she couldn't provide care to your child anymore because of three questions either. I'm positive that this has been an issue with her for a while and it's coming to a head.

It's completely accepable to ask at the end of the day "How was the day? What did they do?" But don't go overboard. I know you want to know what your kid is up to every second of the day, but in day care it's almost impossible.


by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:22 PM

I didn't read the whole thread. I feel like a babysitter/daycare parent relationship has to be specific and mutual. I don't find your questions out o the ordinary or unwarranted. I do feel like her conclusions are odd. Perhaps she's not comfortable with people who question her in any way, which is odd for her line of work. Still, I would probably try to secure someone else to watch my children.

good luck!

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:31 PM

Wow1) is she a registered daycare provider?

2) Does she have training/experience/early childhood education?

3) These are questions you need to know

Like is he learning anything or just playing and watching tv all day.  Learning are there activities, songs, stories.

It is your child and as a early childhood edu teacher you have any and every right to ask as many questions about your child when he is in her care.  You also have any right to just pop in and check on him.  


You shouldn't feel bad about asking these questions about your child you have to make sure he is being provided the absolute best care you can find and afford.

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:31 PM

 I have no experience with daycare but I feel you should be able to ask any questions within reason.

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