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help with dealing with daycare provider

I took care of my son for his first 14 months and then he started daycare.He has completed 7 weeks so far and he is very well adjusted.

So yes, separation anxiety is my issue, not my lo's.

today after I picked him up from daycare, I noticed that he had the pink eye so I texted his daycare provider to let her know that I thought he had the pink eye.

She texted me back right away.First she said she didnt notice anything strange and then she said that she couldnt handle my demands and that I needed to look for a different provider.Yes you may wonder how we jump from reporting pink eye to her to being asked to look for a different daycare.

Well she texted me asking if she could call me. So over the phone, it was eaiser to make herself understood.

She said she feels that she is checked on everything she does as I have asked questions such as :

1.how was my lo dressed during the day? (I asked that this week when the temperature dropped to 60 and he was in a t-shirt).

2. do you know why his dirty clothes were soaking wet? (she said my lo was drinking water from a sippy cup and someone oushed him and he got wet.It easnt just wet.It looked like an entire cup fell on him> so I told her if she wanted a different sippy cup.)

3, when was the last time he ate? (she does not post the meal times and I was just trying to figure out when his next meal needed to be as it was a day I had picked him up later than usual)

So when I ask questions, I dont do is in a mean way but just to know and to offer a solution,Just like with the sippy cup and all I was trying to do was to see if she wanted me to take a sippy as she has been providing one for me lo.

I believe we have cleared the problems after our phone talk and I dio understand it is an adjustment for me.so please send me suggestions or encouragement.,I do see that my lo is happy there but do I just have to shut up and accept the fact that i dont see what goes on for 7 hours every day??

I want to clarify that i wasnt complaining about my lo getting the pink eye.I was just informing her

we ended up our conversation stating that we both feel comfortable with my son continuing there but I do need experienced mom's support

help!!!

update to answer some of your questions:

menu:

she does not give parents a sample menu like some daycares.she has a bulletin board where she posts pictures of the food they will eat.

schedule:

no schedule is posted

daily report:

my son has spent the past week of october there and the month of november and i have received 3 sheets with a daily report.one time she gave me one as my son had a fever so it was detailed.she gives a quick verbal report when i go to pivk him up but is not as detailed as the paper reports.she basically says: he slept well, ate well and had a good day.

general questions:

it is a home daycare and she is licensed to have 14 kids.she has 12 and one assistant.the assistasnt works hard.she has a lot of accreditations including national.so she has credit unions under her belt.she was probably having a bad day and i might start looking for another provider but what i am also getting from many mothers is that they all have something we do not like and you just have to deal with the one that you can tollerate more...i guess

also, i want to say that i feel that daycare provider should realize that my lo spends 9 hours there and by the time i pick him up, i only have 3 hours to spend with him before he goes to bed.in 3 hours, i can't tell if he is having regular bms, if he id well, etc etc..she has a lot of moms that take kids for a shorter period

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Replies (131-140):
HOTMOMMY2
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:41 PM

I am positive this woman has no training in early childhood education and that you are absolutely not a worry wart and pestering her with unacceptable questions like "why is my sons shirt wet" a simple and easy to answer question. Pleases go as overboard as you want it is your child be as nuts as you need to be.  I'll be sending my 3rd son to day care soon and I'm going to go just as nuts. 

I have to agree RED FLAGS up and I would look for a new care provider before something happens.

Quoting BewitchedKisses:

I know it's hard to send your kids to daycare. I had to send my first son to daycare. I was a single mother and had to work.

But it's not acceptable to bother the daycare providers all day with questions like "Why is my kid's shirt wet?" It seems as if you're accusing them of spraying your child down with a hose or something. Kids get wet, dirty, covered in paint and once, my son even came home with a booger in his hair. If your son was dry when you picked him up, that is awesome. They changed his clothes like they should have.

You being a worry wart I'm sure you did some research into the daycare center before you put your child there.There are child care centers that have cameras installed so that you can watch what you're kid is up to while you're at work by logging into their webiste. Maybe you should try a place like that.

I'm sure your daycare provider didn't just say she couldn't provide care to your child anymore because of three questions either. I'm positive that this has been an issue with her for a while and it's coming to a head.

It's completely accepable to ask at the end of the day "How was the day? What did they do?" But don't go overboard. I know you want to know what your kid is up to every second of the day, but in day care it's almost impossible.


LindseyW15
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 10:54 PM

i don't think you are out of line at all. I ask those same questions at my day care center and would wonder what they were doing that they don't want me to know about if they seemed put out about answering the questions. if your lo has only been there 7 weeks i would look into somewhere else because it seems your provider has something to hide if she has issues with you asking such simple questions

TNorris
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:22 PM

I think you had every right to ask those questions, they sound like normal questions that I would ask too.  It sounds to me like you really love your child & are looking out for his well being.  I had my first at 36 and my 2nd at 39, I probably ask a lot of questions too.  Give it some more time, once you know his routine by heart and build a trusting relationship with his caregivers, you'll probably be less likely to question everything.  If there are trust issues though, you will always have questions.

Wright68
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:23 PM

At the child care I go to, they write everything down that is done. From when they go outside, to what they do in their diapers and at what time. I think your questions are perfectly fine and you have every right to know exactly what happens in your own child's day. If they can't answer your questions, or feel like it is too much, I would start to wonder about THEM

uriahadel
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:25 PM
I agree with both of these... I couldn't have said it better myself... find a different babysitter or daycare... there is something wrong with this situation and it is not you and your child


Quoting sreichelt26:

My thoughts exactly. Your questions were completely normal to ask. The red flag for me was when you were informing her about the pink eye and her first response was that she didn't notice anything. Her response *should* have been, "oh thanks! I'll let the other parents know about the exposure."



Sounds like they have things to hide.




Quoting scraphappy12:

I don't feel like your questions were out of line. I think if the babysitter is acting put out with your questions and doesn't like you asking about your child I begin to wonder what they are afraid of you finding out and I would look else where.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
uriahadel
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I have to agree with hotmama


Quoting HOTMOMMY2:

I am positive this woman has no training in early childhood education and that you are absolutely not a worry wart and pestering her with unacceptable questions like "why is my sons shirt wet" a simple and easy to answer question. Pleases go as overboard as you want it is your child be as nuts as you need to be.  I'll be sending my 3rd son to day care soon and I'm going to go just as nuts. 

I have to agree RED FLAGS up and I would look for a new care provider before something happens.


Quoting BewitchedKisses:

I know it's hard to send your kids to daycare. I had to send my first son to daycare. I was a single mother and had to work.

But it's not acceptable to bother the daycare providers all day with questions like "Why is my kid's shirt wet?" It seems as if you're accusing them of spraying your child down with a hose or something. Kids get wet, dirty, covered in paint and once, my son even came home with a booger in his hair. If your son was dry when you picked him up, that is awesome. They changed his clothes like they should have.

You being a worry wart I'm sure you did some research into the daycare center before you put your child there.There are child care centers that have cameras installed so that you can watch what you're kid is up to while you're at work by logging into their webiste. Maybe you should try a place like that.

I'm sure your daycare provider didn't just say she couldn't provide care to your child anymore because of three questions either. I'm positive that this has been an issue with her for a while and it's coming to a head.

It's completely accepable to ask at the end of the day "How was the day? What did they do?" But don't go overboard. I know you want to know what your kid is up to every second of the day, but in day care it's almost impossible.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TheMaskedMommy
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:37 PM
I would also tell you to seek care else where. Kids get dirty. Kids get sick. If you want it handled your way stay home and do it. I do not allow children with overbeating parents in my home whether I'm being paid to watch them or they are my kids friends. Stop being neurotic or your child is going to have very few friends.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
akgrear
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:52 PM

I am a preschool teacher and there is nothing at all wrong with you asking questions, especially with what you asked/told her. If he had been wet and had dirty clothes on he should have been changed and in a daily report that most schools do or verbally you should have been told what happened without having to ask. Most parents want to know about their child's day, especially when the child is younger and can't verbalize how their day went and what they did. You are by no means asking too much. One of our parents has their child at our school for only 3 hours a day and she calls twice in that time and every time the office staff lets her know how her child is doing nad even lets her speak to the child's teacher if at all possible. Lots of parents ask questions and want to know what went on and how there day went.

ballerossandra
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 11:53 PM

gee lady...you took it to a really far extreme....no friends?? or few friends??? give me break.you are nuts.

we have so many playdates and my son met so many people while we traveled during the 14 months i spent at home with him.we were in california, vermont, nyc, italy, chile, argentina, france...we had a great time.he now goes to the beach, goes to the gym, to music classes and italian school and he has fun...one thing is having an issue with a daycare provider and another one is what you bring up.

i dont care if his clothes are dirty.i care about him being wet for who knows how long

i dont care about the specific time he ate.i just want to know that so i dont feed him right away, specially knowing that he can eat as he loves food and dr suggested paying a closer look at feeding intervals

i diont care about dealing with pink eye over the weekend..i just thought it was important to share that

you may not have friends and that's why you bring this up

Quoting TheMaskedMommy:

I would also tell you to seek care else where. Kids get dirty. Kids get sick. If you want it handled your way stay home and do it. I do not allow children with overbeating parents in my home whether I'm being paid to watch them or they are my kids friends. Stop being neurotic or your child is going to have very few friends.


Jenn_A
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:13 AM

Are you asking questions in person, or texting/calling later? I hate leaving work and then having someone call and start a hour long conversation about something that happened that day. Maybe that is the problem?

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