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help with dealing with daycare provider

I took care of my son for his first 14 months and then he started daycare.He has completed 7 weeks so far and he is very well adjusted.

So yes, separation anxiety is my issue, not my lo's.

today after I picked him up from daycare, I noticed that he had the pink eye so I texted his daycare provider to let her know that I thought he had the pink eye.

She texted me back right away.First she said she didnt notice anything strange and then she said that she couldnt handle my demands and that I needed to look for a different provider.Yes you may wonder how we jump from reporting pink eye to her to being asked to look for a different daycare.

Well she texted me asking if she could call me. So over the phone, it was eaiser to make herself understood.

She said she feels that she is checked on everything she does as I have asked questions such as :

1.how was my lo dressed during the day? (I asked that this week when the temperature dropped to 60 and he was in a t-shirt).

2. do you know why his dirty clothes were soaking wet? (she said my lo was drinking water from a sippy cup and someone oushed him and he got wet.It easnt just wet.It looked like an entire cup fell on him> so I told her if she wanted a different sippy cup.)

3, when was the last time he ate? (she does not post the meal times and I was just trying to figure out when his next meal needed to be as it was a day I had picked him up later than usual)

So when I ask questions, I dont do is in a mean way but just to know and to offer a solution,Just like with the sippy cup and all I was trying to do was to see if she wanted me to take a sippy as she has been providing one for me lo.

I believe we have cleared the problems after our phone talk and I dio understand it is an adjustment for me.so please send me suggestions or encouragement.,I do see that my lo is happy there but do I just have to shut up and accept the fact that i dont see what goes on for 7 hours every day??

I want to clarify that i wasnt complaining about my lo getting the pink eye.I was just informing her

we ended up our conversation stating that we both feel comfortable with my son continuing there but I do need experienced mom's support

help!!!

update to answer some of your questions:

menu:

she does not give parents a sample menu like some daycares.she has a bulletin board where she posts pictures of the food they will eat.

schedule:

no schedule is posted

daily report:

my son has spent the past week of october there and the month of november and i have received 3 sheets with a daily report.one time she gave me one as my son had a fever so it was detailed.she gives a quick verbal report when i go to pivk him up but is not as detailed as the paper reports.she basically says: he slept well, ate well and had a good day.

general questions:

it is a home daycare and she is licensed to have 14 kids.she has 12 and one assistant.the assistasnt works hard.she has a lot of accreditations including national.so she has credit unions under her belt.she was probably having a bad day and i might start looking for another provider but what i am also getting from many mothers is that they all have something we do not like and you just have to deal with the one that you can tollerate more...i guess

also, i want to say that i feel that daycare provider should realize that my lo spends 9 hours there and by the time i pick him up, i only have 3 hours to spend with him before he goes to bed.in 3 hours, i can't tell if he is having regular bms, if he id well, etc etc..she has a lot of moms that take kids for a shorter period

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Replies (141-150):
Aydrienne
by Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:15 AM

I'd look for a new provider. I have 0 issues with my current provider (she is also in home and licensed) She does an excellent job and I always know exactly when meals are served what they are getting, when he naps, when he tries to potty, when he does basically anything. A professional should be sending home daily reports and if she has an assistant she has no reason to not send home reports. If a child is sick she immediately sends out a text letting us all know that she has sent home a child for being sick and that she is in the process of disinfecting and making sure the other kids are ok. She has 5-6 kids on a daily basis with no assistant  and manages to accomplish these things. Your provider needs a reality check. If she's going to call herself professional but not behave that way she needs to be reported. I would be livid if I mentioned pink eye and she said she didn't notice anything and immediately changed the subject to me being to "nosy" sorry it's my kid and I sure as hell want answers when I'm concerned about something. then again I don't know the whole situation with her, but I'd be suspicious. If you are concerned about ANYTHING you do NOT have to settle. You should be 100% happy with your provider. I searched for a good year before I found someone that both my son and myself were comfortable and happy with. Good luck.

ballerossandra
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:23 AM

i responded to this earlier but i know how the cm layout is and it is hard to read all the responses. she has an awful parking situation.

parking is not permitted on her side of the street and across the street there is a public library so it is not that easy to find a spot.her driveway is usually taken and someimes i park knowing that there is a parent trying to aprk too.so i picked him up and go.and then text if I have a question.she could have prevented her friday anger by leaving her cars in the garage and letting us park in her driveway or having reports done

Quoting Jenn_A:

Are you asking questions in person, or texting/calling later? I hate leaving work and then having someone call and start a hour long conversation about something that happened that day. Maybe that is the problem?


xxshelbyxxx
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 5:56 AM
This is exactly how I feel and thus commenter is a daycare provider herself! Look at the first five comments who are agreeing with you! Not the few comments that say YOUre being pushy cuz you're not! You gave every right to know every single thing that goes on during your time Away from your child... And it sounds like this woman is guilty of something honestly.. I'd look for a new provider, your son will adjust to the new friends ...


Quoting emmy526:

they should be giving you a daily report of what's going on with him...what he did during the day, what and how much he ate, why his clothes are dirty/wet, and the mood he was in.....we  ALWAYS gave our toddler's parents a daily paper in their cubby at the end of the day so the parent would know what kind of day their child had.  Sounds like your provider is negligent in some areas of communication. 


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xxshelbyxxx
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:01 AM
Do NOT listen to the dummies on here that are saying you're being pushy! They have an obligation to tell you every single detail of your child's care and day! Don't ever let someone tell you anything different please.. Look at the majority of comments on here that are agreeing with you!! She sounds negligent.. And the only reason I could side with her is if you're voice was accusing which you said it wasn't...


Quoting ballerossandra:

I took care of my son for his first 14 months and then he started daycare.He has completed 7 weeks so far and he is very well adjusted.


So yes, separation anxiety is my issue, not my lo's.


today after I picked him up from daycare, I noticed that he had the pink eye so I texted his daycare provider to let her know that I thought he had the pink eye.


She texted me back right away.First she said she didnt notice anything strange and then she said that she couldnt handle my demands and that I needed to look for a different provider.Yes you may wonder how we jump from reporting pink eye to her to being asked to look for a different daycare.


Well she texted me asking if she could call me. So over the phone, it was eaiser to make herself understood.


She said she feels that she is checked on everything she does as I have asked questions such as :


1.how was my lo dressed during the day? (I asked that this week when the temperature dropped to 60 and he was in a t-shirt).


2. do you know why his dirty clothes were soaking wet? (she said my lo was drinking water from a sippy cup and someone oushed him and he got wet.It easnt just wet.It looked like an entire cup fell on him> so I told her if she wanted a different sippy cup.)


3, when was the last time he ate? (she does not post the meal times and I was just trying to figure out when his next meal needed to be as it was a day I had picked him up later than usual)


So when I ask questions, I dont do is in a mean way but just to know and to offer a solution,Just like with the sippy cup and all I was trying to do was to see if she wanted me to take a sippy as she has been providing one for me lo.


I believe we have cleared the problems after our phone talk and I dio understand it is an adjustment for me.so please send me suggestions or encouragement.,I do see that my lo is happy there but do I just have to shut up and accept the fact that i dont see what goes on for 7 hours every day??


I want to clarify that i wasnt complaining about my lo getting the pink eye.I was just informing her


we ended up our conversation stating that we both feel comfortable with my son continuing there but I do need experienced mom's support


help!!!


update to answer some of your questions:


menu:


she does not give parents a sample menu like some daycares.she has a bulletin board where she posts pictures of the food they will eat.


schedule:


no schedule is posted


daily report:


my son has spent the past week of october there and the month of november and i have received 3 sheets with a daily report.one time she gave me one as my son had a fever so it was detailed.she gives a quick verbal report when i go to pivk him up but is not as detailed as the paper reports.she basically says: he slept well, ate well and had a good day.


general questions:


it is a home daycare and she is licensed to have 14 kids.she has 12 and one assistant.the assistasnt works hard.she has a lot of accreditations including national.so she has credit unions under her belt.she was probably having a bad day and i might start looking for another provider but what i am also getting from many mothers is that they all have something we do not like and you just have to deal with the one that you can tollerate more...i guess


also, i want to say that i feel that daycare provider should realize that my lo spends 9 hours there and by the time i pick him up, i only have 3 hours to spend with him before he goes to bed.in 3 hours, i can't tell if he is having regular bms, if he id well, etc etc..she has a lot of moms that take kids for a shorter period


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xxshelbyxxx
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:09 AM
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard and I hope OP doesn't listen to this. Not EVERY daycare is the same! Not EVERY schedule Is the same, that's ludicrous. A first time mother, well actually any mother for that matter, has every right to ask questions about her CHILD'S care! She deserves an explanation for EVERYthing, it's her frickin kid and she's not there to see what he's doing!! You're telling me you just pick up your kid from wherever and don't ask questions about food, mood, behavior, wtf?! That sounds like shit parenting to me! Why don't you read the majority of comments on here that DON'T agree with you?! You and one other person think she's doing something wrong by asking.. That's not saying much except that you two have more important things to worry about then your kids day! She should be able to spend 5 minutes on each kid and parent explaining them what the day was.


Quoting CoeyG:

To me it sounds like you're "grilling" her or putting her in the "hot seat" with your questions.  In Day Cares mealtimes are usually just about the same time everyday.  So if he ate lunch yesterday   at 12:30 he probably had lunch today at that time or by 1:00 at least.  If they get an afternoon snack that is usually the same time as well If he had a snack yesterday at 3:00 you can sort of figure he had snack the same time today.  Those are what are considered "givens" You don't need to constantly question it.  I don't know what the problem of him wearing a tee shirt in 60 degree weather is kids dress that way around here all the time.  It is actually better for a child to be well "climatized" to the weather changes, that way their bodies are less susceptible to the severe changes from warm to cold and that makes it easier for the body to fight off illness.  The accident with the cup was just that an accidentHe wasn't hurt, only wet.  I think what the Day Care provider was trying to tell you is that you need to relax and let the day care do their job.  They don't need you constantly giving them a complete run down of your son's day, they have other children there to care for, not just your son and if they answer all of your questions they will have to do the same for every mother and if they do that there isn't anyone to care for the children because they are all caring for the parent's needs.  So she was telling you that if you wanted him to have totally one on one attention, the day care setting isn't going to be work out.  Now he is enjoying being with the other kids, and you have to make a choice do you want him to have total one on one attention or do you want him in a day care  where the caregivers are tending to other children as well as your's.  


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AmosFarkle
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:31 AM

Find another daycare.  Case closed.

DragonMom25
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:01 AM

get a new daycare provider!  

I had a similar issue, but lived so rural I had no alternatives.  I ended up taking my son to classes with me at college because the provider called child protective services becasue my son came with mismatched mittens (one was from his grandma who was dying of cancer, he was 4).  Lovely DHS now has a file open ion my family because of it.  so I took my son out, and 2 weeks later the daycare was shut down because a 2 year old got a knife from the kitchen and was stabbing kids with it...  she was a fully licenced and accredited daycare...  I got daily reports on food, clothing, potty issues (none as he was trained at 1.5 yerars) school work he completed (since he always wanted "big kid" pages she would copy her kindegartner's pages for him to do.  If it was busy I would have the weekly food schedule-times and meals planned on it, it keeps parents from having those burning questions when all hte provider wants is for the kids to leave so they can have some time off.

perhaps you could find a mother who would be willing to take your child on while you work.

jessica1680
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I completely agree.  She probably feels like you do not trusting her and if you have to question everything she does with your child, she probably wonders why you are even leaving your child in her care.  I have a childcare myself and am very picky with whom I accept in my childcare.  So I know exactly what she is talking about.  I have NO problem answering parents questions and I do encourage them to ask.  But to have the same parent grill me everyday on silly things would bug me and I would just not want to put up with that on a daily basis.   Kids are kids.  They get wet, they get dirty.  Maybe a daycare setting isn't for you.  Have you thought about hiring a nanny?  

phil432
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 9:58 AM
Who packed the short sleeve shirt?
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mimi1207
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:26 AM
Wow I am so on your side I have 22 month old twin boys and a 10 year old son as well. I have been very blessed that we have always taken care of them between hubby, my mom and myself. I do work full time and so does hubby so he does 2 days a week (his days off)my mom comes over the otehr 3 and than Im off weekends, holidays, summers.... but its hard even though I trust them 100% I call and check in on them and when I get home ask all that as well!! they are your kids and if she gets offended or mad that you want to know you need to consider a different child care provider.. maybe one with less kids and more love to offer... good luck..
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