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help with dealing with daycare provider

I took care of my son for his first 14 months and then he started daycare.He has completed 7 weeks so far and he is very well adjusted.

So yes, separation anxiety is my issue, not my lo's.

today after I picked him up from daycare, I noticed that he had the pink eye so I texted his daycare provider to let her know that I thought he had the pink eye.

She texted me back right away.First she said she didnt notice anything strange and then she said that she couldnt handle my demands and that I needed to look for a different provider.Yes you may wonder how we jump from reporting pink eye to her to being asked to look for a different daycare.

Well she texted me asking if she could call me. So over the phone, it was eaiser to make herself understood.

She said she feels that she is checked on everything she does as I have asked questions such as :

1.how was my lo dressed during the day? (I asked that this week when the temperature dropped to 60 and he was in a t-shirt).

2. do you know why his dirty clothes were soaking wet? (she said my lo was drinking water from a sippy cup and someone oushed him and he got wet.It easnt just wet.It looked like an entire cup fell on him> so I told her if she wanted a different sippy cup.)

3, when was the last time he ate? (she does not post the meal times and I was just trying to figure out when his next meal needed to be as it was a day I had picked him up later than usual)

So when I ask questions, I dont do is in a mean way but just to know and to offer a solution,Just like with the sippy cup and all I was trying to do was to see if she wanted me to take a sippy as she has been providing one for me lo.

I believe we have cleared the problems after our phone talk and I dio understand it is an adjustment for me.so please send me suggestions or encouragement.,I do see that my lo is happy there but do I just have to shut up and accept the fact that i dont see what goes on for 7 hours every day??

I want to clarify that i wasnt complaining about my lo getting the pink eye.I was just informing her

we ended up our conversation stating that we both feel comfortable with my son continuing there but I do need experienced mom's support

help!!!

update to answer some of your questions:

menu:

she does not give parents a sample menu like some daycares.she has a bulletin board where she posts pictures of the food they will eat.

schedule:

no schedule is posted

daily report:

my son has spent the past week of october there and the month of november and i have received 3 sheets with a daily report.one time she gave me one as my son had a fever so it was detailed.she gives a quick verbal report when i go to pivk him up but is not as detailed as the paper reports.she basically says: he slept well, ate well and had a good day.

general questions:

it is a home daycare and she is licensed to have 14 kids.she has 12 and one assistant.the assistasnt works hard.she has a lot of accreditations including national.so she has credit unions under her belt.she was probably having a bad day and i might start looking for another provider but what i am also getting from many mothers is that they all have something we do not like and you just have to deal with the one that you can tollerate more...i guess

also, i want to say that i feel that daycare provider should realize that my lo spends 9 hours there and by the time i pick him up, i only have 3 hours to spend with him before he goes to bed.in 3 hours, i can't tell if he is having regular bms, if he id well, etc etc..she has a lot of moms that take kids for a shorter period

by on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Replies (151-160):
IrishMama88
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 11:23 AM
I completely disagree with those who think you are being too hard on your provider (I don't know your tone when you talk to her, so I can't speak to that). But I want to know EXACTLY what happens with my son each and every day (he is 6 months old). I get a daily report of when he eats (what and how much), how many diaper changes he's had and what he's done (wet or BM...sometimes she'll tell me if it looks unusual, like if it's really runny or really hard, which may indicate some action needed on my part), and when he naps. If I pick him up in different clothes than I dropped him off in, I want to know why. I'm not judging, I just want to know if he's been spitting up, had an accident (I may need to do something with his diapers to avoid this in future), or if something else happened. You are trusting the care of your child with someone else. You have every right to know how they're spending their day. I think the provider is being pretty lax without giving you a daily report (form letters are just fine...I often get mine on a post-it!). Also, you should be aware of the regular schedule -- mine has hers posted on her internet site and if something changes, she lets me know. Right now, I provide food, but when the time comes that she's doing it, I want to know what he's eating. Don't lower your expectations. She needs to raise the bar on her care.
msmom29
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:54 PM
I don't think your questions are out I line. I think you should just tell her you ask because you don't know if he needs to be fed wen he gets home. And the sippy cup I would provide anyhow. She may just think your asking because you think he isn't being care for right. Tell her your happy that your son is happy and she is doing a good job your questions are just so you know how he is doing and tell her your new to daycare and have seperarion issues , I'm sure se will understand.
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CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 1:04 PM

It's natural to question your daycare provider, but it could very well be your approach and the fact that she may feel like you are interrogating her.

Many of these things should have been addressed in the beginning. Daycares have schedules so you should know from the beginning what time meals, snacks, naps are so you questioning may just seem repetitive to her.  In addition, I don't see a problem with her posting the meals on a calendar.  Do you really need your own sheet to be sent home?  If you want a detail of your child's day, then ask and work it out with her.  Most do this for a period of time when the child first starts and then it tapers off and stops completely. 

We have great communication with our daycare provider without being pushy and they tell me just about everything right down to the silly things DD sometimes did that day or how she complimented some of the teachers on their shirts. 

elkmomma
by Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 1:16 PM

I'm sorry, but if the daycare provider is questioning you about your reasonable questions then find another.  It's your kid and you are being a caring parent by needing / wanting info on his day.  You might even double check her back ground and what your state laws are on child/provider ratios.

sassy-may
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 5:31 PM
Ditto.. Don't be a nag.. Ask questions to really important stuff (ex: black eye, broken bone) and let the other go (wet tshirt).

Quoting CoeyG:

To me it sounds like you're "grilling" her or putting her in the "hot seat" with your questions.  In Day Cares mealtimes are usually just about the same time everyday.  So if he ate lunch yesterday   at 12:30 he probably had lunch today at that time or by 1:00 at least.  If they get an afternoon snack that is usually the same time as well If he had a snack yesterday at 3:00 you can sort of figure he had snack the same time today.  Those are what are considered "givens" You don't need to constantly question it.  I don't know what the problem of him wearing a tee shirt in 60 degree weather is kids dress that way around here all the time.  It is actually better for a child to be well "climatized" to the weather changes, that way their bodies are less susceptible to the severe changes from warm to cold and that makes it easier for the body to fight off illness.  The accident with the cup was just that an accidentHe wasn't hurt, only wet.  I think what the Day Care provider was trying to tell you is that you need to relax and let the day care do their job.  They don't need you constantly giving them a complete run down of your son's day, they have other children there to care for, not just your son and if they answer all of your questions they will have to do the same for every mother and if they do that there isn't anyone to care for the children because they are all caring for the parent's needs.  So she was telling you that if you wanted him to have totally one on one attention, the day care setting isn't going to be work out.  Now he is enjoying being with the other kids, and you have to make a choice do you want him to have total one on one attention or do you want him in a day care  where the caregivers are tending to other children as well as your's.  

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notyurmama
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 8:58 PM

I used to run a daycare and it can be stressful for the provider if they feel the parent is trying to control everything they do during the day.  What most daycares try to do is encourage a sense of independence and freedom in the kids during the day while still providing them a safe, educational, and fun environment.  Along with this most daycare providers do not mind kids getting messy! Kids are kids, it's what they do!

Here are my suggestions:

- pack your son a daycare bag to remain at daycare. Have extra play clothes as well as a long sleeve sweater (Hoodies are usually best) extra socks and anything else he could soil.  If he gets messy and needs an emergency change replace the clothes the next day but always leave the bag at the daycare and have his name clearly marked on it.

- Ask if she would mind filling out a daily activity book. Make it simple and just ask for feeding times and amounts and any  major incidents that might have happened. (Major incidents include falls, altercations with other kids, or reprimands i.e. timeouts)

- Finally relax.  You put your son here because there is something you like or trust about the provider. If she has an issue that concerns you talk to her about it, but otherwise if your son is happy and wants to go everyday take a queue from him. He's FINE!


Good luck.

first.time.momy
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 9:15 PM
I work at a daycare and my son goes to daycare. And I get asked the questions you aks probably about 9 times a day. You are his mother and have every right to know how his day was. And what things his daycare provider noticed that were out of the norm for him. And her response to the pink eye thing should have been more along the lines of "Oh thank you! I will inform other parents that their child may have been exposed." Because in a daycare things like that can spread like wild fire. She needs to be more in depth with what things go on. And have a schedule of the approximite times that things happen. Example 7:30am Arrival/free play. 8:30am Breakfast. 9:00am Clean up. 9:45am Story time. 10:00am Art activity. 11:00 quiet movie time. 11:45am Lunch. 12:30pm quiet time. 12:45pm Nap time. 2:30pm snack. 3:00pm free play. 4:45 clean up. 5:30 departure. Or something like that. Just so you have a general idea of when things happen.
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celticgodess
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:15 PM

Both my girls have been in home care, DD1 until she was 2.5 and DD2 just started 3 weeks ago at 11 weeks old.  Liscenced or not, I would not feel good about my LO going to a home with 12 kids and 2 adults and I always requested a daily sheet.  I had to provide it in both my situations because it wasn't something they normally did, but I want to know when they eat, sleep, and play.  I know he's happy, but if you aren't comfortable, I would start looking!  I just reread and especially at 15 months he can't tell you if something is wrong. 

hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:44 PM
Print up what you want her to tell you:
My provider has sheets herself :times of diaper changes:wet/bm
Time he ate and snack
Time he napped
There is no schedule, the kids just play and learn from one another
She'll text if illness causes her to close for disinfection, whether it's her family or the kids
I do not pay for that day.

Don't text a home caregiver later than twenty minutes after she is "closed" it is her own family time then.

Always pack a spare outfit, remind her it's in the bag. Take a sippy you feel the most comfortable with, assume she is feeding appropriately. ( I have to provide food so I know exactly what he's eating.)
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Maverick1957
by Member on Dec. 4, 2012 at 12:53 AM

Let me tell you something from PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:  THEY DON'T CALL IT [MATERNAL INSTINCT] FOR NOTHING!!!

If you have ANY "inking" of an idea that something's not right, if there is ANY even small....nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach...FOLLOW THAT GUT INSTINCT.


Here's my story.  Son was 8 wks old; put him a SUPPOSED well referenced franchise daycare.  When he was just over 4 months old, went to pick him up  1 day & he had this HORRIBLE burn area on top of his head, just past his forehead.   Asked his "caretaker" what the hell happened to my baby?????   "Well...I dunno mam...he's fine last I [seen] him!!!"   (You should have SEEN the PARENTS back-peddling out of there) I grab him up, rush home, call dad 1st, Pedia 2nd.  Pediatrition (out of town at the time as I remember)  says GET HIM TO CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY!!!!  

SIX DOCTORS looked at my baby boy...no one would tell us anything until about 6 hrs later when ONE had the BALLS to come up and talk with us.  "Mam, we cannot tell you anything DEFINITIVE yet it is our advice to you, get your child out of that facility as soon as possible and have a SERIOUS conversation with the center director. Did both.  Got son into temporary private care until I could make other arrangements.  Conversation with the Center Dir. didn't go very well.  She backed up her staff member.

So, 2 days after this happened, my n/d/n, Oncology nurse, got off night duty, came to ck on us, on our baby.  She took ONE LOOK at his head and said "Girl, that baby's been BURNED!!! Either someone spilled hot coffee or hot cereal on his head but he's BURNED and I've seen enough burns to know!  GET HIM OUT OF THAT DAY CARE CENTER!!! NOW!!!"

Add to all THIS...I was MAJOR falling down on my job, working directly with the Chief Operating Officer, to the point he called me into the conference room to sit me down and said ...(Called me by my last name, which he always did)..."You're screwing up! Now you get yourself in gear or you're OUTA HERE!"

At THAT  point I just ...broke down and cried and CRIED!  Shocked the HELL out of him.  Told him what ALL had been going on and he was...SHOCKED to say the least.   For as mean as an S.O.B. as he was...he wrapped his arms around me and just let me cry.  THEN he called me by ...last name and said "If your GUT INSTINCT ever tells you something...you FOLLOW IT!  Your gut instinct will NEVER LEAD YOU WRONG.

He then offered to help in ANY way he could, plus help from the company, but GET THAT BOY OUTA THAT DAYCARE!

I did and best decision ever made!


Follow up on the "caretaker" of my son...2 years, after the fact, Oncology Nurse Neighbor called to let me know THAT woman had  ...resigned..."because I was afraid I would hurt a child".  

Everybody said we should have filed a MAJOR lawsuit against her, the Franchise, the director.  Maybe we should have, yet all I was interested in at the time was getting my baby in a safe place.

As the years rolled on...more stories came out.  Just made me thank GOD I got my boy out when I did.


Look Lady, just b/c it's private daycare, just b/c she SUPPOSEDLY has all these accrediations....your job as a mom is to follow up.  Does NOT mean her credentials are true.

AGAIN....you follow that Maternal Instinct.  God didn't put it in us for no reason.

My son is now 25 and ...such a wonderful person.


Add to this...I now have a step-son...17.  When he was NINE I had a BAD feeling about he & his "legal mother" (He's adopted and she never wanted him and he's known it all his life).  He spent more time with me than her.  In 2007 I PUSHED for him to live with us FULL time as I could....see it coming.....in her mental state, she would have killed him, then SUCEEDED this time on her 2nd suicide attempt.  NO WAY I was going to let this happen.

The boy's not perfect yet it's better than what he had.

Look Friend, you just follow your G.I. as a mother.  Won't ever lead you wrong.  Has done well by me for over 20 years.

Best of luck to you.











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