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I'm abused by my 4 year old!!!

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:33 PM
  • 35 Replies

Ok. So I've posted before about my son't bad behavior. But its getting way worse! Instead of just hitting, kicking, and spitting on me, he has resorted to ripping (yes, ripping!) my hair out whenever I ask him to do something, try to get him dressed, cleaned, pretty much everything. 

I have tried being nice, I've tried spanking, time-outs, telling him that its not okay to do those kinds of things because of the obvious reasons, etc. But it just keeps getting worse. And its all directed to me. He doesn't do it to anyone else. 

I know its because he wants a rise out of me. And I have tried  to just let it go. But the more I ignore this behavior, it gets worse. 

I have my hair pretty short, and try to keep it up, but he finds a way to get to it. Its to the point where when I shower my hair falls out in clumps. I can't continue to try to keep my cool, because this behavior is only getting worse. I'm nervous because he goes to pre-k next year. What will happen if he does this to his teacher or a little girl? I could really use some advice from moms who've been through this. 

I show him affection and always let him know how much I love him and that he's 'momma's baby'. But even when we're playing and having a great time, he'll randomly, completely out of the blue start this behavior.

And he spits in my face, hits and kicks as hard as he can, slaps me occasionally. I took him to a child behavior specialist last year but he never showed this behavior there, so basically she said he seemed to have improved. Yeah right...

Is this a sign of anything? Like, ADHD, whatever? I want to get the appropriate help for him if this is anything that I should be extremely concerned about. I hope its a phase. But this is a phase that has lasted at least a year already.  


HELP!!!!

by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JeremysMom
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:36 PM
If it is just directed at you then chances are it's not a disorder. You have to be consistent and you can't give up just after a few days of trying something.
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Jers.
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Have you talked to your pediatrician?

A.J.s_mommy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:41 PM
Bump
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MarriedYoung
by Member on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:43 PM
1 mom liked this
you HAVE TO be consistant choose one form of discipline and STICK TO IT
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AylinsMom
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:44 PM

My daughter wanted more frozen yogurt yesterday. I told her no and she gets really mad...pulling the freezer door...screaming...etc. This can go on for 20 + minutes but then she stops. My daughter kicks me too. I tell her that kicking is not allowed. I keep telling her that but of course she kicks when she's crying and screaming and can't comprehend anything. Still...after her  tantrum I tell her "we don't kick". Maybe when he is "attacking you" you can just turn your back and not give him eye contact. He IS trying to get a rise out of you but words arn't gonna work at that time so "ignore" him until he calms down and then talk to him. I guess the most important thing as I've found out is....to not give in. P.S. Time-outs don't work for my child either at her age. Just don't give in.

CoeyG
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:46 PM

Again have you tried be consistent with one method of discipline?  And stop hitting him, you are only making the problem worse by doing so.  Stop asking him to do things tell him to do things.  Not "do you want to get your shoes on so we can go outside and play?"  Any kid is going to say "No".you teel him "get your shoes on so we can go outside and play" or etter yet "If you get your shoes on we can go outside and play" Never ask a child when you want them to do something.  Since  the behavior is directed ad you it is not ADHD or anything else, there is something in what you are doing that isn't working and I would say part of it is calling him "bad".  If you call him bad and you treat him as if he is bad he will continue that behavior.   

3lilladies81
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Consistency is key!! I tell you what I'd be whipping that fanny!!! And make him take time out! Heck idk it may be extremem but I might even pull his hair right back!! Good luck I just don't understand how a child could be that out of control unless it's a mental illness :( good luck momma!
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sroddy1087
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:52 PM

I'm trying to avoid spankings as much as possible. I get to the point where I get so frustrated that I just spank him. I do try to be consistent with everything that I do. And I don't really ask him. This morning, I told him to go into his room so I could get him dressed. It was war to get him to let me put his clothes on. And then, he got both his hands clamped onto my hair and pulled. (It hurt REALLY bad, and I don't have a sensitive scalp). 


And yes, I talked to his pediatrition. She said to take him back to the place where he was going to before. Its like we're running in circles with no solution. 

Thank you all for the advice! I truly appreciate it! :D

sroddy1087
by on Dec. 2, 2012 at 3:54 PM


Quoting 3lilladies81:

Consistency is key!! I tell you what I'd be whipping that fanny!!! And make him take time out! Heck idk it may be extremem but I might even pull his hair right back!! Good luck I just don't understand how a child could be that out of control unless it's a mental illness :( good luck momma!

Done that. Totally pulled his hair back (not abusively, of course, but enough where he felt it. And my hands are hurting just from the times he's been spanked TODAY. And its not like he's in an abusive home. Hubby and I are loving and don't show him any of this. O.o

Bmat
by Barb on Dec. 2, 2012 at 6:05 PM

Never make a threat that you are unwilling to carry out.  If behavior isn't acceptable, then tell him the consequences once, and if he does it again, carry through, calmly. Don't yell. You aren't his friend, you are his parent and he needs to know boundaries. He may be frustrated and taking it out on a person that he knows will always love him, but you must not let him do it. Call it bad behavior or unacceptable behavior, but don't call him names.

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