**NEED advice** on whats "fair" custody and visitation
I have 16 month old twin daughters. Their father and I are splitting apart. I want to be civil, I have no idea what to do or where to go with this.........
I am not worried about being a single mom per say as he does very very little other then split the rent with me and watches the girls ( for "free") on his days off so I don't have to pay the babysitter( which I pay 100% otherwise plus 100% groceries, he pays the utilities) He is a horrible partner and is making me miserable. He is not a "bad" dad. He plays with them. Reads to them et cetra but god help 'em if they need a actual meal or a regularly scheduled nap.
I do believe fathers and daughters have rights to each other and I want to do nothing to damage their father/daughter relationship.
I expect him to pay some child support as he makes about 2,000 more then I do every month. I want to try and come to an agreement before I go to finalize with a lawyer.
Any advice on what is "fair"? Two days one night a week in his care? (Nights may be an issue as my daughters are not yet weaned from the breast and nurse in the wee hours) Every other weekend? I have no idea...what a mess....
PS: PLEASE no hate mail. I do not need to hear about marriage ( I am thanking every GOD possible that I refused marriage!!!!) or any other hateful, not helpful nonsense. REAL ADVISE ONLY THANK YOU!
Thank you so much to everyone who posted. I do appreciate the majority of you! Im trying to remember and respond to everything I read no offense if I miss something!
First off to the lady who posted about the father can take them out of state without my consent and all that nonsense...well I don't know where you live but that is actually called parental kidnapping is is very much against the law. Maybe your trying to be an alarmist or maybe you don't know what you are talking about I don't know either way you are very misinformed.
Breastfeeding and weaning people! Oh my goodness!!! What a debate! I was not trying to say that he should not have them because they still nurse just stating a fact of the matter. Related point: I do express breast milk when I go to work. On the days he is home with them sometimes all the bottles will be gone( and scattered about the house) other days the bottles have not been touched at all which means they went 9 hours without milk...WHY might you ask? Because he felt they ate enough already or because he forgot or because they didn't seem to need it....well they ALWAYS need it anytime anyone else watched them regardless of the amount they ate that day so.....you tell me about that huh? Anyhow my daughters LOVE to nurse and I have no intention of weaning them before they are ready and I don't care what any one thinks about that.
To the lady who asked why I don't just go to a lawyer and figure it all then....because that way will cost way more money.
To the lady who asked why go to a lawyer at all because I am well aware that verbal agreements do not stand ground. What ever agreement is reached will be a legal verifiable document.
A few people posted about child support. I am not saying I am going to ask him nice to give me a check every month. I am saying I expect child support and am therefore going through my county to secure that.
A lot of you said " well just talk it over with him"....Well I have tried that/am trying that. His response " well you're going to make sure you get what you want anyway" and he storms off. Not at all a lets be grown ups and figure out this giant fuckin mess we're all in kinda thing at all. So I am going to draft an offer of agreement, take it to a lawyer and go from there. That is why I ask what might be fair. Dude is a immature dickwad but he is also the father of my beautiful precious amazing daughters. If they decide they want nothing to do with each other when they are older that is their choice to make. I will not take that choice from any of them.
That is all I an wrap my brin around at the moment I hope that answerd all the questions....
Thanks again! Most of you are awesome!