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I feel so sad when I put my girl down in her crib and shut the door on her

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I love my little girl so much. She is almost 7 mo old and she has slept in her crib in her room since she was born. I would loved to have slept with her, but I had a really rough delivery and I was a medical mess when I got home. So she started her little life in her crib... Apart from me, her mommy, and all exposed in her big crib.
Now every night when I put her down I am so sad. I'm so sad to leave her there alone. I know she is safe and I am right down the hall and I come when I hear her on the monitor. I just think if she were sleeping with me, she would never wake and cry and feel those scary feelings before I come and get her in the night.
I love her so much! I don't ever want her to have scary feelings of being alone. I'm sure I'm extra emotional but I feel it almost every night. Am I heaping guilt upon myself? How do I make peace about this?
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:36 AM
Replies (11-20):
robyann
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:38 PM

 This is just the begining momma! I doubt your dd is having and scary thoughts, she has no experience with anything scary. She knows if she cries then momma comes. Being a mom does pull at your heart and it will continue to do this for the rest of your life. We know what is best for our kids and sometimes it hurts us to follow through with it. Like when she starts school, it will hurt your heart to walk away from her in that big school. There are lots of times during your journey you'll feel that ache in your heart---but just continue on doing what's best for you dd.

typingMom to 6~MawMaw to 9 & counting!

redcarnelle
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:01 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting robyann:

 This is just the begining momma! I doubt your dd is having and scary thoughts, she has no experience with anything scary. She knows if she cries then momma comes. Being a mom does pull at your heart and it will continue to do this for the rest of your life. We know what is best for our kids and sometimes it hurts us to follow through with it. Like when she starts school, it will hurt your heart to walk away from her in that big school. There are lots of times during your journey you'll feel that ache in your heart---but just continue on doing what's best for you dd.

Thank you for these thoughts! Hugs! It's getting better...kind of. ; )

doulala
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:17 AM

Why not sleep together??

redcarnelle
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:20 AM

Our bed is too small & my dh doesn't sleep well with dd there.  When we move into a bigger place, we will get a king size bed for when we have our second LO.

doulala
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:22 AM

You could sleep in her room, on the couch together, get a bassinet/co-sleeper/pack & play and she can sleep in your room, too.

;-)

teddysmama09
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this

 Oh mama, I feel your pain!

 My son slept with me from day one (and now he's three and still does!) He only went in his crib once. I was so tired and needed to try it so I put him in and walked away. He screamed bloody murder and then I heard a "thump". He had managed to climb out and fell onto the hardwood floor.After that he screamed whenever he even saw his crib. I never put him back in.

My daughter on the other hand was a horrible co-sleeper. We coslept for the first 5 months, but then she just wouldn't sleep. She wouldn't nurse back to sleep like my son did, she would just wake up and squirm and cry. Then one day I tried laying her in her crib and she went right to sleep. This worked great until about 9 months when she developed seperation anxiety. I tried to cosleep with her again, but she just wouldn't have it. Finally I figured out that if I rocked her for a while and then put her in her crib she would cry for about five minutes and then go to sleep.

But that five minutes of "Maaaaaaaamaaaaaaa!" Just kills me a little more every night. My heart breaks and I want to run and pick her up, but if I do she will cry all night because she won't fall asleep. If she cries for five minutes she will sleep all night and I have to just keep reminding myself that.

Sometimes there are no perfect solutions. Motherhood is hard, if it were easy men would do it!

redcarnelle
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 2:02 AM
Omg momma! What a story of your two very different little ones!
Thanks so much for sharing. I suppose you are right and this is only the beginning... Geez I need more hugs from my friends and more massages or something just to cope!
LucyHarper
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 3:30 AM
1 mom liked this

She is completely fine in there, there's nothing to be guilty about. We have our baby's crib in our room, we don't want him to wake up the other kids. Remember that now she will always be an independent sleeper and you wont ever have to break her from sleeping in your bed. I know how hard it is when they cry and you want to fix whatevers wrong as soon as possible. Our seven week old wakes up at about the same time each night for his night feedings and change, my husband will wake up right beforehand and stand over his crib and just stare at him so he can pick him up the second that he wakes up, before he even has a chance to cry, sometimes I just have to be like Ethan, give it a rest, he's still sleeping. 

hollydaze1974
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 3:57 AM
1 mom liked this
That's a lot of guilt... Especially when it may not have changed a thing. Night terrors are common at this age, if you hadn't ready. This is most likely the time you'd have to be weaning her to sleep alone anyway. You aren't putting her in a dank, dark cave .... It's a comfy bed, and a warm sleeper and knows thAt she know that she knows that you will be there before the third cry is out. She is already in her room where everything is familiar ... The sounds, scents, creaks, all of it . I kind of think you are projecting your (shoulda, coulda, wouldas) into what she must be feeling... But she isn't. This is her routine. It's familiar and normal to her.

I AM sorry you didn't get the experience you wanted when she was born... But she doesn't know, and she doesn't hold it against you in the least. You two bonded anyway, right?

Heck, in another seven months , moms are trying desperately to get their children to stay IN thier own rooms, and look! Half that battle has already been fought.

You did what you have to do then so that you could physically heal and do what you are doing now !

Throw the guilt out the window, what's done is done and still, she knows you appear now matter when for whatever reason. More children than you'd like to hear about don't have that.
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themissheather
by Member on Dec. 19, 2012 at 11:54 PM
Honestly, it sounds like you want to cosleep with your baby. It's awkward, at first, but then starts to seem so natural. Why not try not out for a night or two and see how you both do?
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