my two sons don't listen for nothing..... and my oldest is very rude and dispectful. i would like any help possible
Quoting gageblake:my two sons don't listen for nothing..... and my oldest is very rude and dispectful. i would like any help possible
LOOKING FOR ADVICE AT ALL HOW TO TEACH MY BOYS HOW TO LISTEN FOLLOW RULES AND BE RESPECTFUL
do the super nanny routine, make a chart with a list of house rules and consequences and rewards with a goal to work towards. And be consistent with the punishment. If they can't follow rules and behave, they get no rewards, period.
Be consistant with them. They are at the age where they start to test their boundries and with boundries set and consequences in place, they will learn and understand their boundries. Good luck
I have a boy who turned 4 today (along with a 2yo & 1yo girls & 7 month old boy). It starts with boring old consistency. & maybe start kind of small to "get the ball rolling" so to speak. EVERY SINGLE TIME they ask for something, tell them they need to say, "Please" or they do not get/get to do whatever it is they want and once they get it they MUST say, "Thank you" or the item is IMMEDIATELY taken away. When the fit is thrown, b/c a fit WILL be thrown, they have to go sit down until the fit stops. Once the fit stops, they have to sit STILL, quietly and calmly without talking or playing for 3-4 minutes (1 minute for each year old they are). DO NOT interact with them while they are sitting "in time out". Do not even LOOK at them. If they start talking, playing, etc. while "in time out", their time starts over & they will sit there longer. If they try to physically leave the "time out chair", you have to physically put them back and tell them, "You are in time out for being rude" (or for not listening or for hitting or for whatever). Keep the statement short & simply. Do NOT ramble on about what they did specifically. Then PHYSICALLY set them back in "time out". The 1st 1 or 2 times you try this it might be a pretty big fight if they are not used to it & they WILL TEST YOU but if you REALLY see it through & let them know you mean BUSINESS that 1st time, it will get easier. After they have completed their 3-4 minutes of sitting calmly & quietly in "time out" you simply state to them, "You were in time out for _________ (being rude, not listening, etc.). You may get out of time out now." Say NOTHING MORE and do NOT hug them at the end of their "time out" b/c it sends them a mixed message with the punishment.
Another thing that I've found VERY helpful with the 2yo is the "alpha dog stare-down". It sounds a little silly, perhaps, but is VERY effective. When my 2yo tries to be rude & defiant I'll look her DIRECTLY in the eye & VERY STERNLY tell her what she is / is not supposed to be doing (eat your dinner, do NOT touch that, etc.). I NEVER break eye contact with her first. I stare her DIRECTLY in the eye with an a stern & "dominant" look on my face until SHE breaks eye contact with me first. I will sometimes then CONTINUE to "stare her down" b/c she will look back at me & see that I'm still staring into her eyes & she then breaks eye contact & stares down at the floor, which is a sign of "submission". This is how it works with a pack of dogs when the "alpha" is being challenged by another dog & the "alpha" does this to reinforce his "dominance" as the "alpha" dog & let the other dogs in the pack know that HE IS "ALPHA". I do this when 1 of the older kids is trying to be disrespectful & defyant to show that MOM is the "alpha dog" in this "pack" & WILL be obeyed. I know it may sound a bit strange to some but it REALLY WORKS. It's just a psychology thing.
Anyway, these are 2 of the primary methods I use with my kids and get compliments EVERYWHERE about how polite and respectful my kids are. So SOMETHING must be working right.
Gosh they are actingl ike 3 and 4 year olds, imagine that! Put them in time out and use it consistently.
ADMIN for: Baby Boomers and Beyond, Let's Talk
I can only speak from personal experience so im sorry if you can't take anything from this little story...
For a while my son thought burping was hilarious...I couldnt get him to say excuse me. He would just laugh and keep on burping. I gave him timeouts for it and he was very dramatic and there were lots of tears. He wasn't getting in trouble for burping but because he was refusing to say excuse me afterwards. Then he started saying excuse me afterwards but would burp on purpose! I was getting frustrated. Finally after bathtime one night he started burping incessently and I would remind him to say excuse me and he would but he just kept doing it. Finally after about his tenth burp I told him it was ugly, impolite, rude and disapointing that he would continue despite my efforts to get him to stop as well as how I should not have to ask him to say excuse me, he should just do it on his own. I wasn't yelling or anything, was just being really sincere, was on his level. Something I said got to him cause he burst into tears and promised me he would never burp on purpose again and would always say excse me. So far so good....Ive heard several natural burps immediatly followed by "excuse me" and no fake forced burps. So....I suppose my magic words might be the, "im disapointed in you"...phrase....That always struck a nerve deep down in the chest cavity when my mother said that to me. Worse than any kind of punishment I thought....
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