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Going Crazy

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:21 PM
  • 9 Replies

I am trying to help raise my fiance's 9 year old daughter, but I am going crazy!  She acts more like a two year hold than nine.  I have two boys of my own and don't have nearly as many problems.  Her father does not like to discipline her and allows her to throw temper tantrums with no repercussions.  I don't know how much more I can take.  If I talk to him about it or try to discipline her, we fight or he tells me I'm making a big deal out of nothing.  HELP!!!

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:21 PM
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by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 9:52 PM
At this point there is not much you can do but continue to talk to your df and be consistent with the girl. Since you are not allowed to disipline her i would suggest just ignoring the fits good luck!
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by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:19 PM

You have no right to discipline her, you are not her mother, you are not her step mother.  The only people who should be disciplining her are her parents, a female at 9 years I'd figure it was puberty.  Your fiance could be right you''re making a major issue out of puberty. 

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 8:49 AM

I'm sorry. I don't have any advice. Have you joined the step moms group yet? It might be a great place to post this.

 Stepmom Central

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:57 AM

That is a tough situation. Your fiance needs to be the one to take care of any disciplinary issues but I can understand your frustration with the situation. I agree with the previous poster, that joining the step moms group would be a good place to ask advice.

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by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:59 AM

I would be livid if my fiance (if I weren't married) tried to punish my child when I didn't want to. 
And coming from a child that had many step parents, she probably feels like you are trying to take her dad. 

by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 12:04 PM

It's hard to know how much you can discipline someone elses kiddo, especially an older one.  Is the mom involved in her life in any way?

by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:31 PM

While you don't have right to punish her, you and your fiance need to be able to work something out before you get married because this will continue to cause problems that could potentially ruin your marriage. You didn't really specify the things that she is doing to act out or if she is living w/ you. There are amill. diff. reasons why she may be acting out. No disipline growing up, feeling like she's losing her dad to you, her mom filling her head w/ neg. impressions of you, puberty, seeking attention. I'm not a step parent, but I can guess how hard this situation is for you. I def. think a support group w/ stepmoms would be a good idea!! Good luck!!


by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM

Have you tried to talk to her about how she feels about you marrying her dad? Have you reassured her that he will always be her dad, and no one can ever change that, and that she is a very important part of the family? Do you spend any one on one time getting to know her? This may give you a better understanding of what she's going through, and why she is acting out..... just a thought

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 7:27 AM

Let me clarify a few things, when I say "discipline" it's not watching TV, going to bed early, etc. I TAKE CARE OF HER THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME AND SHE LIVES WITH ME (and has for the past three years)!  Her mother is NOT in the picture.  I DO NOT discipline her without notifying her father first.  We have set rules in my house, she knows what she has to follow and what will occur when she doesn't... same rules apply to my kids.  None of this is a surprise to her.  I am very taken back by the responses that I don't have a right to discipline her, but maybe that opinion is primarily based on the fact that some were unaware that I take care of her and she lives with me.

As for her father and I getting married, she and I have a good relationship for the most part and she tells me daily she loves me and we do a lot of stuff together.  It's her temper tantrums, attitude (which I know comes from being a girl), lying, and refusing to do her homework I have an issue with.

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