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"You don't love me!" PIOG

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:21 PM
  • 10 Replies

My 5 year old son is very sweet, caring and kind.  I don't feel like he's overly sensitive and he seems well adjusted.  We don't spank and I don't yell.  When he does something wrong or says something insensitive (you know how painfully honest kids can be), I tell him he shouldn't say or do whatever it is and explain why and he improves.  The problem lately is that when I tell him he's done or said something he shouldn't have, he says, "You don't love me" or "You don't like me."  I assure him that I do both love him and like him and I tell him how much I love him and how great I think he is many times a day.  He just seems extra sensitive lately.  Any advice?  Is it just a phase?

by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:21 PM
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ELFs_Mommy
by Bronze Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:24 PM
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Should be just a phase. My now 6 yr old dd did that at about 4/5. And still does it very occasionally. I know it's sometime hard to hear, but just keep doing what you're doing. It should pass in a little while.
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dizziestdream
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:31 PM

Thank you!

Quoting ELFs_Mommy:

Should be just a phase. My now 6 yr old dd did that at about 4/5. And still does it very occasionally. I know it's sometime hard to hear, but just keep doing what you're doing. It should pass in a little while.


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Dec. 18, 2012 at 1:58 PM
Ignore.
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Bmat
by Barb on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:18 PM

It is a phase. Meanwhile, perhaps it would help to smile or laugh and show him How Much you love him by holding your hands way out.  "I love you This Much!!"  and then hug him.  This way you aren't ingnoring what is probably manipulative but could be earnest, but either way, you are reassuring him and also showing him that you won't be upset by his talking this way.

dizziestdream
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:21 PM

We always talk about how "big" or how much we love each other. It seems like something we do at bedtime a lot. I'll say how much I love him and he'll say, "I love you more than that."  And I'll say I love him more than there are numbers to count, etc.

Quoting Bmat:

It is a phase. Meanwhile, perhaps it would help to smile or laugh and show him How Much you love him by holding your hands way out.  "I love you This Much!!"  and then hug him.  This way you aren't ingnoring what is probably manipulative but could be earnest, but either way, you are reassuring him and also showing him that you won't be upset by his talking this way.


Kitschy
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:22 PM

There is a book called "why do you love me" It's very helpful in explaining this sort of thing. I don't remember who it's by. Maybe Felicia bond?

Bmat
by Barb on Dec. 18, 2012 at 2:46 PM

Yes, this is exatly what I had in mind.  When he comes up with I don't love you,  if you want, maybe you could play the game at that time, too. A lovely game. Good for you for doing it at bedtime especially. :)

Quoting dizziestdream:

We always talk about how "big" or how much we love each other. It seems like something we do at bedtime a lot. I'll say how much I love him and he'll say, "I love you more than that."  And I'll say I love him more than there are numbers to count, etc.

Quoting Bmat:

It is a phase. Meanwhile, perhaps it would help to smile or laugh and show him How Much you love him by holding your hands way out.  "I love you This Much!!"  and then hug him.  This way you aren't ingnoring what is probably manipulative but could be earnest, but either way, you are reassuring him and also showing him that you won't be upset by his talking this way.



caro100
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 3:21 PM

He's learning how to manipulate you Mom!!!   All kids I think go throgh this phase.  I started out by reassuring them, then it eventually progressed to I love you, but think what you want to...  Really? okay I don't love you, and you still can't do it, or even no response at all  You get the idea.  He's normal, just remember, you're the Mom, you're not his friend.

CoeyG
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:20 PM

Yeah next time tell him he is right and go on about what you were doing, he is saying that to get you to feel bad so he can get his way.  I would say, "yeah that's right I don't love you, that is why you have a warm comfy bed to sleep in with a roof over your head and good food in your tummy. " then when the "I hate you" starts coming tell him to get in line...I told mine the end was somewhere around Bejing China...

savingtheworld
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:47 PM
Aww its just a phase..I have 2 that do it..one says u don't love me, an the older one says u hate me!! Lol
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