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Living with a man I've lost all feelings for.... Venting!

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I moved in with my boyfriend back in August for the second time after losing a job and not being able to afford renting an apartment.  We have alot of problems with children, primarily my daughter who hates him, and because of this and other issues, I have lost all feelings for him and don't want to be intimate with him anymore. I am totally not attracted to him anymore, physically, mentally, or emotionally, and I get repulsed and try to avoid his overtures at all times.  He doesn't get it, and is in major denial.  I've been so clear in actions and words that I don't want "nookie" anymore and make it like it's a physical problem rather than my repulsion but it's getting quite annoying when he gets to the "I'm so horny, please give me a BJ and I'll leave you alone.  When I do attempt to get intimate, I just want him to do it fast, get it over with, and leave me alone.  I wonder if I've turned cold and sexless, unable to achieve satisfaction/orgasm at all. 

I'm trying to stay put, I pay him rent and help him financially.  I can't buy a home until I raise my credit score and I am working on doing that.  He is insanely jealous, insecure, untrusting, and thinks every man at work is going to attack me if I talk to them.  He is a diabetic and sickly and when his sugar gets high he turns into the incredible hulk which has caused major problems!  UGH!

I don't want to be disgusted with men altogether but I really do want to be on my own, independent again and just maybe date a little on a light basis, nothing serious.  I'm not good with relationships.  Was married once for 10 years, divorced now 8 years and this relationship is the 2nd most serious relationship I've had. 

I guess I'm just venting, not sure what advice I'm looking for.. but I'd love to hear from anyone with similar stories or any advice about men like this.  Thanks.



by on Dec. 23, 2012 at 11:35 PM
Replies (21-28):
by Ivy on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:01 AM

 I think you need to move.  This isn't fair to anyone.  Your living with him has to be sending him mixed signals.  Continuing to put him through this just so you don't have to move again isn't right.

by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 11:08 PM
1 mom liked this

You are right, and I've been holding on for the wrong reasons... because he loves me so.  But it's not enough and I need to repair my relationship with my children first and foremost.  Looking at homes to rent and will be moving by the end of April.  I'm ready to move on... the albatross is getting heavy and I need to do what I have to do to be happy. 

Thanks for all of the advice!



by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:14 AM
I only got married because I was pregnant-never really loved the man. I was trapped because I didn't make enough to be on my own but didn't want to go home and admit defeat. He threatened to take my dd and never allow me to see her again. We eventually divorced, but he's got her under his spell now. Still not in a position to help get her on her feet-and it's been 9 months since I heard from her. :(

He used to tell me it was my 'wifely duty' to have sex with him. Okay, but he gained so much weight, he'd probably have smushed me-and blamed me because he had premature ejaculation issues.
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by Amber on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:14 PM
If it's just a bf and dad to no one move on. For married couples with shared children I totally advocate working on things but not here. You have enough to think about. GL!
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:16 PM
Let him know...just end it.
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by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:23 PM
You need to be honest with him. You also need to make plans to get your own place, and soon.
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by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 12:26 PM
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by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 9:15 PM

Look for a roommate situation or something and get out asap. This is not good for you or your daughter... If you have family, maybe try and work something out with them. I went moved back home twice before I met my husband. My son was 10 when he me my husband and we moved in together. You have to get away from this situation or you will never see the light of day because he will keep bringing you down.

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