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Living with a man I've lost all feelings for.... Venting!

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I moved in with my boyfriend back in August for the second time after losing a job and not being able to afford renting an apartment.  We have alot of problems with children, primarily my daughter who hates him, and because of this and other issues, I have lost all feelings for him and don't want to be intimate with him anymore. I am totally not attracted to him anymore, physically, mentally, or emotionally, and I get repulsed and try to avoid his overtures at all times.  He doesn't get it, and is in major denial.  I've been so clear in actions and words that I don't want "nookie" anymore and make it like it's a physical problem rather than my repulsion but it's getting quite annoying when he gets to the "I'm so horny, please give me a BJ and I'll leave you alone.  When I do attempt to get intimate, I just want him to do it fast, get it over with, and leave me alone.  I wonder if I've turned cold and sexless, unable to achieve satisfaction/orgasm at all. 

I'm trying to stay put, I pay him rent and help him financially.  I can't buy a home until I raise my credit score and I am working on doing that.  He is insanely jealous, insecure, untrusting, and thinks every man at work is going to attack me if I talk to them.  He is a diabetic and sickly and when his sugar gets high he turns into the incredible hulk which has caused major problems!  UGH!

I don't want to be disgusted with men altogether but I really do want to be on my own, independent again and just maybe date a little on a light basis, nothing serious.  I'm not good with relationships.  Was married once for 10 years, divorced now 8 years and this relationship is the 2nd most serious relationship I've had. 

I guess I'm just venting, not sure what advice I'm looking for.. but I'd love to hear from anyone with similar stories or any advice about men like this.  Thanks.



by on Dec. 23, 2012 at 11:35 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Cecilia on Dec. 26, 2012 at 11:30 AM

Sorry, that sounds like an awful situation. I hope things get better for you.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 26, 2012 at 4:44 PM

I agree with this assessment. If you can pay this guy rent then you can pay rent to someone else. It sounds to me that you may be using him as an excuse to not move because you may feel a little scared to go back out on your own. Especially if you have a daughter now. But, I would say that because you have a daughter, it is more imperative to move out, on your own, now more than ever. 

Quoting cara124:

I honestly think that you need to look in to moving out on your own with your daughter... one its not a healthy relationship for anyone... and second paying rent somewhere can help raise your credit score .



by on Dec. 27, 2012 at 4:47 PM

You are just venting, and it's not helping you.

Way, way back in the olden days, you were attracted to him. None of those qualities you were attracted to then have gone anywhere. You just stopped thinking they were worth more than the things that irritate you (the ones that used to be 'cute' or 'funny').

If you look for negative things to be unhappy about, the world will supply an infinite array of bad things for you to vent about. Lots of very 'helpful' people will help you stay as miserable as they are and as miserable as they think you should be (to make up for how miserable they are).

Being happy, and choosing to look for the positives, are both choices you are currently not making.

Your call.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 3:55 PM

thats not worth it he is insanely abusive and i would move out a womens shelter would be better then that

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 4:00 PM
It could take years before your credit score is favorable enough to purchase a home. And there must be some good qualities about this guy, even though he's not for you. Allow both of you to move on and have happiness.
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by Silver Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 4:06 PM

It seems kind of cruel to stay there and pretend to be a girlfriend when you can barely tolerate him, so I guess you should get out asap, move back in with your family or something. It's not good for the kids to see their parents in an unloving relationship. The sooner you break up the sooner he can move on, you're not doing him any favors in the long run. Good luck mama.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:44 AM

Just wanted to give an update... been waiting to buy, but decided now finally to rent..  I'm so frustrated with this situation.  I've lost bond with daughter and son and need to get out and get a place for them to come to.  I've stayed I guess because I thought it was enough that he loved me more than anything and despite his few outbursts due to his blood sugar, he has been extremely good to me.  I just cannot love him back as much as he loves me and I have to move.  Only thing is, I'm only working part-time and I'm searching now for a f/t job and an apartment.  I've been going through alot physically, mentally and emotionally and am checking alot of these things out so I can move forward knowing I'm okay.  I was diagnosed bipolar but have weaned myself off of Cymbalta and other than feeling anxious at times or crying easily, I'm mentally clearly and focused on doing what's right to correct my life.  I want so much to have my babies respect and "like" me again.  Have to take care of them.  Sorry for rambling.  Just wanted to vent again and let everyone know that I'm ready now to make those changes that everyone has advised.  I do believe that antidepressants screw up your brain cells and put you in a fog.  I think they are to blame for many of my past mistakes. 

by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 2:34 AM
Leave him and move on.
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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 3:10 AM

answer me one question: what is he doing for you? emotionally, physically, mentally, financially? i can't see one thing that you wrote that would make me think you wanna be w/ him. you don't have to be disgusted w/ all men, you don't even have to be disgusted w/ HIM. but you are allowed to say, wow, this one ain't for me, and just move on. even your daughter isn't happy w/ him. so OBVIOUSLY he can't be stepdaddy, or a role model in any way. you are gettin nothing from this relationship and you have to move on. you've given no reason to stay, why it would be healthy for you to do so....

by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:40 PM

Looking for a place to rent now... have to get out, not because he's a bad guy, but because I need to get my act together and get my kids back from my horrible, a-hole ex husband who is "turning his daughter against me"    Took a job, going to rent a place within a month, and take ex to court to establish a real custodial agreement.   Have to be strong... pray for me ladies!!!


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