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Scared

Posted by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 11:54 AM
  • 25 Replies

The father of my twins gave up his rights when they were just a year old.  I wasn't married so I had to sign a paper that stated I would never go for government assistance.  Well the kids are now 11 and were interested in meeting him.  They started by corresponding via Facebook and then met.  I allowed him to come to my house because that is what the children are most comfortable with.  We have done this several times and every time he is in my home I typically stay in the other room because it is so uncomfortable.  He sits there with such a smug look on his face and is occasionally rude to me.  The kids have witnessed this and have made mention of it.  They have also told me that they don't really like him and they think he is a dork.  I said to just give it time to get to know him.  Well this past weekend he came over and I brought up the topic of him contributing financially.  He said that he couldn't afford it.  He said that he knew it was all about money and that is all I cared about.  I must note that he lives at home with his mom and dad.  Anyway he called me an f'n slut via text along with quite a few other nasty things.  So my question is do I continue to allow him to see the kids, since it really is up to me as he gave up his rights?  He has been very disrespectful to me and not sure what to do.

 

Please give me your thoughts.  I am so stressed out.  I want to do what's right for my kids but this guy left 11 years ago.  Never looked back.  He isn't even the one that initiated contact.  Now he wants all the privileges of being a dad without any of the responsibility.

by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 11:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
PEEK05
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, it does sound like it is all about the money.  You mention it now that he is back in their lives after signing rights away at 11 and then when he says no, you're ready to stop letting him see them.

Either admit it's about the money or let your children have the chance to know him if they want it.

strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Dec. 24, 2012 at 11:59 AM
After name calling he would be told to fuck off
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offrdngal
by Terri on Dec. 24, 2012 at 12:00 PM
2 moms liked this

 The kids are old enough to decide whether or not they want to continue seeing him.  Sit them down and discuss it with them.  Let them tell you what they have observed and their opinions on it.  Don't bring up your own opinions, unless they ask you specifically.

The father legally has no rights and you can tell him to hit the bricks, at any time.  However, letting your kids have a little say, will help the situation be less stressful. 

Good luck

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Dec. 24, 2012 at 12:01 PM

I wouldn't worry about money. 
If you are able to raise your daughters by yourself and he doesn't have unsupervised time with them, I would not ask him for money.
They decided to have contact with him, not the other way around.
BUT, if you feel it is unhealthy for them to have contact with him, I would cut ties with him.

If you feel they are safe with him, simply ask him to not be rude to you in front of the children.  

babie113
by Jenny on Dec. 24, 2012 at 12:01 PM
Forget about the money its more important he has a relationship with them.
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christineT79
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly I say no. If he's gonna be disrespectful twords you then he probly will be twords the kids too. That can have a very negative impact on your children. Your children need to see men treat you with dignity & respect other wise they might start treating you that way & they might grow up thinking that type of behavior is normal & treat their spouse that way. I hate to put a price tag on your kids but until he's ready to be financially responsible in some way shape or form than he shouldnt get to play Dad. If he gave up his rights are you not intitled to child support?

twinsmom2001
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 12:45 PM

I cannot get child support from him through the courts because he gave up his rights.  And it was NEVER about money.  I wanted the girls to meet him and if they wanted, to have a relationship with him.  The only reason I asked for money was because my friends and family said "ask him for child support...then you will see if he really wants to be their dad or not."  AND I wasn't going to have him stop seeing the kids because he wouldn't pay it was because he is being totally disrespectful.  I have been taking care of the kids with absolutely NO help from him.  How dare he talk to me in the manner he has.  It is unacceptable.  AND I did ask him not to speak to me that way.  He did apologize but then I get the nasty texts.  And I asked for $200 a month.  That is all I asked for!  And I do appreciate all of your comments even if I don't agree with all of them. 

Malley
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 12:55 PM
I'd suggest getting legal advice before allowing any more visits.My dh's niece was in your position, thought she was doing the right thing by allowing biodad visits even though he no longer had rights. Next thing she knew, he went to court and was awarded EOW.
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stepconfused182
by Kelley on Dec. 24, 2012 at 1:08 PM

I would leave it up to your kids if they want to see him. Just let them tell you when they want to spend time with him. I wouldn't make it anything regular. He doesn't have any financial responsibility to them at all so I wouldn't address that anymore. However, if visitation starts happening more frequently and outside your home, then I'd absolutely bring it up again.But it doesn't sound like things will come to that. Try not to let it stress you out so much. Life is hard enough without having to deal with jerks like him! 

CoeyG
by on Dec. 24, 2012 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Well if he gave up parental rights to the children depending on the state you live in he may not have to pay any child support.  I know in Califonria now if a father gives up parental rights they still have to pay support.  A lot of them were moving to CA because at one time they didn't have to but then mother's were going on welfare so California changed that law LOL.  I wold also say that if he signed away all rights that long ago and you never asked for CS in a state where you could have then the court just may say no to any requests at this stage of the game.  I'm just bothered by the fact that your kids don't even like himn so shy make them spend time with a man who gave up parental rights to them to begin with?  He is in the eyes of the law no longer their father, he is just the sperm donor. 

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