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Please help. Boyfriend constantly cheating but I can't leave.

Posted by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:46 AM
  • 52 Replies

I am 22 years old and have been dealing with a major issue in my relationship with my sons father. I have been with him for 6 years and our son is 2 years old. A little over a month ago I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He is 29 and has been sleeping with an 18 y/o girl. The girl is our sons, god parents daughter. The first time I found out he cried and told me he was sorry. He kept sleeping with her after that. He even did it while I was in the hospital for four days. He was even bringing our son to do this. He either left him with her parents to get a hotel, or he was doing it in her bedroom while our son was in the living room with her parents. After I found out about a week ago that he was continuing the affair we had a huge fight and he left. He came back a few days later saying he promised me he would never do it again. Of course, being dumb I took him back. Well a couple of nights ago  he told me he was working overtime on a night shift. I found out he was lying and actually spending the night with her. Once I told him I knew the truth he shut down ( like he always does) and refuses to talk about it. He kept trying to show affection when I confronted him for the third time that morning... Now, tonight he told me he was again working over time. I am positive he lied again and it with her and her family instead of me and our son. i have been so sick for the past month over this and I have slipped in to a very deep depression. It has been r really hard to focus on anything else. I don't understand him. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me, yet he stares me straight in the eyes and lies. I kicked him out, and he left without a word. He left twice and came back both times... He can live in her parents house with her for free if he wanted. He says he loves me, yet he won't leave her yet he always comes home... ? I don't know where this came from. We were having communication problems but he never showed signs of doing something like this. He has been in my position before he met me. I thought he would know better than this... I always catch myself making excuses for him like ''All of the men in his family cheat'' and ''he'll get tired of cheating and change'', etc.

I really don't know what to do. I know I should leave but I can't stand the thought of leaving him and letting her take him. A small part of me is willing to let him cheat if that means I get to have a small part of him. We also have a two year old together and I am not financially stable enough to leave him. I have been staying at home with our son since he was born.  I could live with my father, but I  really do not want to do that ( that is another story ). I have no other family and friends to stay with if I do leave....

by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Broken2012
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:47 AM

And I guess you could say I am relying on him for happiness in a way. I cant imagine my life without him. I have been with him since I was 17 and I am turning 23. Like I said. A part of me wants at least part of him. The other part know I should Check out but there is something pulling me back....

This is killing me. I am never happy anymore. I am constantly depressed. I'm not even celebrating Christmas this year. I didn't celebrate thanksgiving either.
I feel so lonely. Especially since I am at that age where all of my friends are getting engaged, married, and starting their little families... Being happy...

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:50 AM
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You need to learn how to self love and be on your own for happiness.  When you do leave, file for sole custody and child support.  I can not believe that the other family is turning their eyes to this horrible behavior of their child and a supposedly grown man.    Would any friends be willing to help you on the path of happiness?  Talk to social services about your options for living as a single mother.

lilbit04
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:51 AM
2 moms liked this
If you are truly this unhappy and he is constantly cheating you should leave his ass, that's not healthy for you or your kid. Take his butt for child support and get on your feet to provide a life for you and your son without him.
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mylilgooberpea
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 2:57 AM
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Girl take it from someone whos been cheated on. He DOES NOT LOVE YOU. Nor does he respect you. And your telling him its ok by taking him back. You CAN leave. Ive done it. So can you. You are telling your child its ok to treat or be treated this way. Hugs its hard but you can do this. If you cant do it for yourself for it for your baby. Your not happy why do you rely on someone who makes you depressed for happieness? Dosnt make sence.

juggling Just a single mom living my life for my wonderful son! toddler boy

Smiles0305
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 3:51 AM
if you don't love and respect yourself he won't either. i'm 24 and I know what it feels like. eventually she won't want to be the other sideline or woman and he'll leave you. i understand that you want to make it work but he's only doing what you allow him to do. throw his sorry behind out and do what you have to do for tlyour child. he'll probably do the same to her. its a quote you'll lose him the way you got him and I'm a believer in that its karma. keeo your hea up almost everyone has been through it you just have to know that it gets greater later. after you leave him u might feel sad and lIke itsbthe end of the world but one day you'll meet a real man and he'll show you, you're the only woman he wants and you wont have to second guess it. I'm here if you ever want to get in depth about it
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TTC2Long
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 3:58 AM
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So... When you got together, you were 17 and he was... 23? So now he's 29 and sleeping with an 18 year old? Staying at her parents house? This guy is sick. He targets girls way too young for him and sounds like he's still mentally a teen himself. Maybe that's why he likes his girls young. Anyway, after this 18 year old gets boring, he'll find himself another dumb teen, only it will get creepier and creepier because he'll just get older and older. You want that around your DD?? Ditch him now. The writing is on the wall.
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frzmamaof4
by Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 4:13 AM
That's ridiculous that your willing to still let him cheat just to be with him! You need to dump his ass and leave. I've been with my dh since I was 14 and if he cheated, he'd be out the door! Sorry Mama, hopefully you can make the right decision and kick his ass out cuz he's never gonna stop if you keep letting him do it!
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Bmat
by Barb on Dec. 25, 2012 at 8:56 AM
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He is bad news.  He already had a relationship with a 17 year old when he was 23.  Don't have sex with him for sure, and get checked for STDs. You need to get financially prepared to live without him. Consult a lawyer to find out about child support, and if there is common law marriage in your state. Get job training and a job.

savingtheworld
by on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:44 PM
Ppl will only do to u what u let happen..your not going any where an he knows that, so either put your foot down, or continue to act like its not happening
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raye-chan
by Member on Dec. 25, 2012 at 1:49 PM
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As much as you don't like the idea, you need to leave.

You don't need a man to make you happy. That sounds like a lack of self esteem and that is something only you can work on.

If he's going after girls that young then that sends up red flags there. Is that something you want your child exposed to?

Sounds like he won't change either. You're letting him repeat it over and over again because he KNOWS you will take him back if he says the right things.

Honey, you need someone who loves you. Not one who uses you like a doormat.
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