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If BD stayed out of his kids life, do you tend to keep it that way if no hope?

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:27 PM
  • 5 Replies

 My ex(BD) has not made an effort to see out son going on 11 months now and I feel he probably won't ever. Our mutual friend told me that he's seeing a counselor and is supposedly telling him he shouldn't see his son. I think that's bullshit, what kind of counselor tells a parent to keep away from their child? Just because I moved on with someone new and have a new child doesn't send the message to him that he's not allowed to continue being a father to his son. I have not ever told him he couldn't see his son, just that if he wants to see his son, he has to make it a habit. Every other weekend for example which was how it was before. What stopped that is a long story, it had to do with his asshole parents and sister he moved in with. I did what I could and it shouldn't be me making an effort to have my ds see his father it should be BD making the effort since he was the one who left and chose Playstation 3 over his child. My son stopped asking for his dad after me giving him the same answer "He's at poppop and nana's house," which was true because that's all I knew. Our mutual friend told me he's temporary living with him now. Guess how far away he lives....6 minutes. Anyway I feel sadness for my son only because he's only had a dad for 7 years and if this continues, his dad being non existant, then pretty much I can say is he has no dad correct? Given if my son grows up not remembering his dad. And there will never be a replacement.

~Love sees no color, Love sees no age~
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:27 PM
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by Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:46 PM

  That is so sad, especially for your son.  I cannot imagine why any counselor would agree with a dad not seeing his child, unless there are deeper issues he is not telling you about.  I think open communication is important between you and your son, so that your son feels he can come and talk to you about anything.  Opening up his emotions to you instead of keeping them bottled up inside is most important.  Just keep re-assuring him of your love, and that his dad not being there is never his fault.  He needs to know his dad loves him.  Keeping his self esteem up is important so that he feels good about himself.  This has to be so hard and painful for him.  Hopefully his dad will realize that time is precious and you can't go back to ever capture these special times and moments.  

by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:59 PM

Yes. I count it as lucky and a sign he shouldn't be in the child;s live.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:03 PM
My ex left while I was pregnant, for the first year and a half of my sons life I tried so hard to involve him. I was doing 100% of the work. Even driving 6 hours one way at a point just to have him see our son. I stopped finally. I emotionally couldn't handle it anymore. Life is so much easier now. I still feel sad sometimes that my ex is such a douche, but our lives are better without him.
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by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:18 AM

This is sad, but if a counselor is telling him not to see his son, then there has to be a reason why. You should just focus on your little one. Show him all your love and happiness and he will be fine. When the time comes that he re-enters your sons life, you can work together on what is best for your son. But for now, just be everything your little one needs you to be. Good luck

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by Gold Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Hugs! I am so sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't listen to a friend of yours, over him. If he is not contacting you, maybe you should sit down and write him a letter. Telling him how you feel and what you are hearing and asking him to email you or write you back.

Be honest and go direcvtly to the person you need to talk to!

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